To ask DH to stop bringing me breakfast and a brew in bed

[Themasterplan]

Before you all flame me, I know I sound extremely ungrateful but there is a reason behind it. DD2 is 7 weeks old and in our room while DH sleeps in the spare room (I am BFing and it is pointless us both being awake all night.) She tends to feed around midnight and 4am and then struggles to go back to sleep after the 4am feed. She is generally quite unsettled with wind until around 6am when she falls back into a deep sleep. DD2 tends to get up around 6.30-7am and DH gets up with her (as he gets a full nights sleep.) He gets DD1 her breakfast and then brings me up a cup of tea and some toast in bed. While I am aware this is very nice of him, it is a complete pain in the arse. Firstly it always wakes me up and I struggle to get back to sleep. I am not the kind of person who enjoys lounging around or eating in bed; if I am awake, I tend to get up. Secondly, and more importantly, it usually wakes up DD2. Which means that any chance of me going back to sleep and catching up on the bad nights are completely scuppered. So I get up and a small part of me wonders if he does it on purpose knowing that it will wake me up so I get up and help out with DD1 SO WIBU to ask him nicely to leave us alone in the morning until we are ready to get up?

[shoppingbagsundereyes]

I think you do sound a teeny bit ungrateful. I've never in 10 years of marriage been offered a cup of tea in bed. I used to take dh one when I left for work at 8 ( pre kids) and he worked from home. I felt he was being very ungrateful when he asked me to stop. I think he's trying to be thoughtful and you should either be pleased with the tea and toast in bed or find a subtle way of asking him to stop bringing it.

[ZenGardener]

I also wondered if he was just doing it to wake you up. My husband used to wake me up but I'm pretty grumpy in the mornings so he's too scared to do it now.

[SwayingBranches]

Why are you asking if you can ask?? Of course you can ask him to do it as well as expect him to do as you ask!

Are you worried it's going to be taken badly or that a seemingly kind thing will actually turn out to be, as you think, a way to wake you up, and you don't want to face that knowledge?

[MauriceMinor]

He is defo doing it to wake you up.

[jenecho]

I'm in a similar situation, except there is no tea involved, i just have dh bringing dd1 to see mummy on the mornings that i need to get up with her. Which then wakes dd2 who has inevitably just gone back to sleep so then i have to juggle a baby and toddler from 6am instead of getting any time alone with dd1 before the next feed! I keep Telling him to tiptoe in without dd1 and wake me gently and ill sneak out so that then i only have one to deal with.
to be fair to dh, though, on the days he doesn't need me to take dd1 he is very good and keeps her away and occupied so that i can sleep until the next feed, which is a lifesaver and makes the other days doable.

[RunningBear78]

My dh brings tea and breakfast to me before he leaves for work whilst i snooze with tiny ds.
He puts my tea in a thermal mug so it stays warm for about three hours and I might get to drink about half. He also brings fruit for brekkie instead of anything which might go cold so I have something to munch easily first thing. Oh, and he is super quiet and half the time I don't notice he has been.
I would maybe just say a huge thank you for looking after you, but could he please not wake you with tea as you need to sleep a little longer. Thermal mug and alternative brekkie can follow and you both win.

I think I have been taking my breakfasts in bed for granted after 20 weeks, but it is a lovely thing for him to do. I will thank him in the morning :)

[123caughtaflea]

YANBU - and YWNBU to send him round to me with the breakfast and brew in bed (please!)

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

Don't you have to get up for dd1 when he goes to work anyway?

In my house we have alternate lie ins at weekends but always ask the other when to make the tea, eg do you want your tea now or in an hour? (both wake up with kids then one goes down and other goes back to sleep!)

[roastednut]

Yanbu and I'm sure there was a thread on this very subject a few years back (not sure why I remember!). Anyway I think breakfast in bed is overrated for some of the reasons you have and when my dh (who always wakes up loads earlier than me) used to wake me up too early on weekends with it I felt bad feeling a bit pissed off with him, but I did. It's really nice under very specific conditions IMO, those being that I'm already awake, I'm wanting a lazy day, I'm changing the bed sheets that day... And more I'm sure but I'll stop there as already sounding like a complete boring fart but in short tell him to stop!

[DamnBamboo]

ah bless, DH used to do the same, never when I was awake and reading but always when I was asleep and would have been for ages longer if he had not been so 'nice' I had to say please don't unless I am awake, I love my sleep. downside is that now he never ever does can't win

^
This is why I keep my gob shut!

[DamnBamboo]

I would politely tell him why you'd prefer for him not to do this.
Acknowledge that it is indeed a lovely thing to do but that given your disturbed sleep, you'd rather not be woken up in this manner.

My husband brings me tea in bed almost every morning. Some mornings I drink it, others I stays on the ledge whilst I continue (semi)snoozing. He doesn't mind as he too often sleeps in another room and won't always know the night I've had.

Aren't we lucky though OP?

[LittleBabySqueakSqueak]

I had to ask DH not to kiss me goodbye on his way to work for the same reason. I felt a right cow doing it, but I so need the sleep.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

ah bless, DH used to do the same, never when I was awake and reading but always when I was asleep and would have been for ages longer if he had not been so 'nice' I had to say please don't unless I am awake, I love my sleep. downside is that now he never ever does can't win

[juniper44]

My DP and I had to have words about this too. He likes to wake me up to say goodbye, but wakes the baby at the same time. I wake up when he gets up, but he can't just say goodbye at that point for some reason...

He got all sad about it, like I was being heartless not wanting to talk to him, but he's not the one up all night!

[HerrenaHarridan]

Just tell him, hopefully he takes it better than my ex who couldn't understand why I repeatedly requested a single individual mug of tea while bfing as opposed to a tray containing a one person pot, cup (that only held 1/3 of the pot), jug of milk, sugar and spoon. He used to get so cross with me no matter how nicely I tried to say "but really it would be so much easier to drink my tepid tea over the baby's head than to try and fiddle about mixing up 3 mini cups and having the bloody tray still to deal with.
I think it was a ploy, it got do that if he offered me tea I would just say no

[LondonInHighHeeledBoots]

He is probably being nice - and if he doesn't do the night feeds, hasn't really twigged that while he is ok and fancies a cup of tea at 7 to wake him up a bit, you really don't!

Just ask him not to as it wakes you and dd2 - tell him to keep it in the pipes for you when you come down at 10

[Thumbwitch]

He sounds like a considerate man - just tell him that, much though you appreciate the thought behind it, the timing is not good and could he please just wait until you're stirring before disturbing you?

If he's kind and considerate, he'll totally understand and be quite upset that it's taken you this long to mention it, I would think, so you'll have to be prepared to apologise for being too wimpy to mention it before on the grounds that you didn't want to seem ungrateful.

[FelineSad]

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I had this too. Ex DP would always bring me breakfast in bed when I'd been up all night feeding our sons (worked full time too).

I did try and ask him politely to desist if it was obvious I was actually asleep but no he continued (probably why he's now ex although having an affair may have more to do with it!!!). To make it worse he always used to crow to friends and family about how he always brought me breakfast in bed and they would all fawn over him like he was some sort of demi God. When I would try and explain that it wasn't always appreciated they would look at me like I was some sort of mega bitch.

Thing was nice though it was it wasn't any great sacrifice on his part. He always made breakfast for himself anyway so it was just a question of making twice as much and walking up some stairs!!!

[SantanaLopez]

Why not ask him to put your tea in a flask so he's made you it, but it's still warm when you decide to get up? Everyone happy!

[justshabby]

Oh good, the thread police have arrived. They're always so helpful.

OP I know exactly how you feel. In those early days sleep is the most important thing! I would just nicely tell him how you feel.

[Mumof3xx]

Send him to mine

[pumpkinsweetie]

Ask him to bring you it at a later time? The gesture is nice, the time is wrong, tell him

[OtherBarry]

DP used to sneak in and leave me tea and toast that I'd have cold when I woke up but if he'd woken me or DD up if have asked him to stop

[GingerMaman]

Yanbu, and he sounds like a clever man

[PuppyMonkey]

Yanbu at all.

But yabu to not have just told him this.