Wondering about correct protocol

[Janet365]

Hello there! So I've just started a new job and I'm a bit clueless about what's acceptable and what's not in the kind of situation I'm in.

I'm being sent for about 4 days to an office in a different city just to get a better feel of the role, and my employers have boooked accommodation for me. This is obviously great, but there is a wee problem that I'm facing. I have my older sister visiting me from abroad at the moment. She's my only family and is more like a mother to me. That week will be her last few days in the country and I really don't see the point of us being apart. If she comes with me we can at least spend the some of that time together. I'd book her in a different hotel, but the closest one is quite a distance away and is also very, very expensive.

So is it unacceptable for me to have her stay with me in the same room as the one the company have booked for me? The hotel obviously has no issues with it because the room is suitable for two people, but do I need to seek permission from my employers since they are paying for it?

And will I come across as strange and needy if I ask them about this?? I wouldn't want to send out the wrong impression so soon into my job.

[kungfupannda]

I wouldn't do this. I think it will create a bad impression. These sort of events tend to involve everyone socialising together in the evenings. If you choose to spend time with someone else, rather than with your colleagues, then you are going to look stand-offish at best, and unprofessional at worst.

And if you do socialise, but with your sister sitting in the room on her own, your colleagues may feel awkward about it and feel that they have to invite her to join you.

It's bad timing, but I don't think it would be at all appropriate to take your sister along.

[Joysmum]

I'd ask your employer making it clear that if ok, you'd of course ensure this doesn't affect the costs of you staying and you'll get a separate invoice and receipt from the hotel for her extras so it doesn't go on your expenses.

[BorderBinLiner]

Bad timing with the new job and your sister's visit but I think your going to just have to accept it and put work first.

DH & I will accompany each other occasionally to conferences but only those that we've sussed out before and know that because it's an interesting place there will be a lot of other spouses.

I was in TV, it would not acceptable to bring any one to a hotel if you were researching or filming. As a minimum you would have breakfast, lunch and dinner with your colleagues and depending on the team and the length of the project - think months, go to the cinema/bowling/clubbing/skinny dippiing/get hammered.

You will be fine, go by yourself, work hard and be sociable (but not over the top) with your work mates.

[whois]

It's will probably be fine, but I would mention it to your manager.

I used to work away a lot and sometimes my boyfriend stayed with me, it was reeasonably common and acceptable as long as they don't cost anything.

One thing tho, you might be expected to do stuff with work people in the evenings, do you might not see your sister that much anyway.

[ArsePaste]

Your sister will be your sister for the rest of your life, but you'll never get a second chance to make a good first impression on your first business trip with your company. Turning up with your sister is ... unlikely to make that impression a good one, even if you do have permission.

[ZillionChocolate]

Is there any way you can ask a more established colleague how these things tend to work?

[MadIsTheNewNormal]

As long as you are very careful to make sure that you do not bill your employer for anything she had, extra bed if needed, drinks, breakfast etc., then I don't see why it should be an issue, but if you are new and unsure then I think it would be a good idea to run it by your immediate superior first, as a matter of courtesy.

[GarlicReverses]

I'm quite startled by all the definite "NO"s you've received here!

My view:

1. Your employer has paid for the room. This creates a situation that compares, manners-wise, to your employer having invited a group of you to her house for work-related things.
   

1. It would, therefore, be hugely wrong to just turn up with your sister and say "she's staying here, too!"
   

1. Equally, it would not be wrong to ask your employer if it would be OK for her to share your room ...
   

1. ... but it will seem more 'reasonable', from your host's point of view, if she has some independent reason to visit: a PP's suggestion of exhibition or similar is perfect.
   

Give it a go, but be prepared to be knocked back.
Good luck :)

[EBearhug]

If it were me, (and it's not,) I'd go to my manager, and ask if he could explain more about the format of these days, particularly the evenings, because your sister will be over, and you want to work out if it will be possible to spend one evening with her, as you so rarely get opportunities to meet, because she's usually overseas. Asking that wouldn't be a problem at all with us (though depending on the event, it might still not be possible.) But if you were told you might get some time off for that, then it would probably be best to spend the time away from everyone else.

But that doesn't mean it's the same in all companies/industries, and from the other posts, it sounds like it's definitely not. So really, you need to work out what sort of company you've got. And the only way to find that out is experience or by asking.

[ComposHat]

You are new to the company, do you want to aquire the reputation as 'the one who turned up to a work trip with her sister in tow.' At best you will look needy and socially awkward, at worse really fucking rude and dismissive of your new colleagues

[ComposHat]

You are new to the company, do you want to aquire the reputation as 'the one who turned up to a work trip with her sister in tow.' At best you will look needy and socially awkward, at worse really fucking rude and dismissive of your new colleague.

[Caterina99]

I've joined my DH before when he was on a work trip. The situation was a bit different because he was there mon to fri with work and then I joined on Thursday and we stayed for the weekend. Another colleagues wife did the same thing. His work weren't remotely bothered, and I ate with him and his colleagues on the one night, we just paid for my food separately.

Can see how me being there all week might be considered a bit odd by his colleagues, but I don't think his work would have a problem as long as it didn't cost them anything or affect his work. So your firm may not mind officially, but it may not be the best move for your first trip in a new job if you don't know the culture.

[Elledouble]

Your company will have a travel policy (most likely on the company intranet - or ask for it as part of your orientation). It should specify whether or not this is allowed. I've just checked mine out of curiosity and it says that any expenses incurred by a guest or spouse must not be claimed from the company. So it appears that it is allowed where I work (not that I ever go anywhere nice enough that someone would want to join me!).

Your colleagues may, however, find it strange that you 'be brought a guest along, but if you explain that your sister lives abroad, why would they not understand that? On my first week ('orientation' sort of thing) I had dinner with my colleagues one night and after that went off in the evening to visit friends and siblings who lived nearby. No-one batted an eyelid.

I can't think of anything worse than being expected to spend all evening with people from work, unless the only other option is staring at the walls of your hotel room all night!

[CooEeeEldridge]

Hi Janet, I travel a lot both uk and abroad. As it's your first experience with this company I would say don't ask them and don't bring your sister.

In the type if situation you describe (mid week uk trip with colleagues who you will be with in the day) you will be expected to dine with them / chat after. I personally would find it odd if a new team member either headed off or bought their sister with them. These trips can be tedious socially but they are good for networking / binding.

It may be that your colleagues are lovely, super friendly people and when you mention when you've started that your sister is in town who you haven't seen for years. They send you off for a night to meet up with her.

I don't think you can judge until you have started though. So plan for worst case that you will not see her. And I would definitely assume that her staying with you is a no no.

[wonkylegs]

It really depends on the company & the profession.
It wouldn't have been a problem in my old firm but I would have always asked first and I wouldn't have done it on my first trip (they sometimes suggested I should bring DH and we did once do a combined business trip to London when our commitments allowed it - we combined hotel allowances and got a much nicer hotel)
The thing is, some jobs/companies are very strict, others much more relaxed but until you've worked there for a bit you won't know the lay of the land and it's easy to put your foot in it.
I worked away a lot with my old company (mainly pre children) and because it was a regular thing we often made plans to see friends / relatives etc in our own time and we also socialised with each other but we did it a lot and we'd worked together a long time in a relaxed environment so it was easy to do without crossing boundaries/ offending anybody.

[Charlesroi]

I've done this before without there ever being a problem. Just ask (informally) if it's OK. When you fill in the expenses claim for meals etc. make sure that none of your sister's are on there (or clearly mark which are yours on the receipt). Don't use the mini bar, room service or charge drinks to your room.

[Janet365]

I'm not being obtuse over paperwork, I'm simply trying to explain to you that my job ( and especially this trip), will not involve any paperwork being brought home. I'm not about to reveal the exact details of role and workplace, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.

I'm not even sure if my company has a blanket ban on this sort if thing, but I'm more worried about the impression I'm giving, so I'm just not going to ask them yet.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Ive been on a bazzillion work hotel stays and it doesn't mix to take family/ friends/ bfriend etc Especially if you are looking to impress. Sorry but at it's best you will show that your priorities are not work first, and loyalties aren't revolving around work... Even if that's not the case at all.

I once smuggled a friend into a work hotel do and honestly, it was stressful, I didn't see from from 6:30am - midnight, I wasn't was t drinking, but socialising and feeling shattered and looking for a good moment to stay I was off to bed.

Years later I was on another work week hotel thing and I was 10 weeks pregnant, and my parents lived very close. Even wangling myself out for an evening so go celebrate with my parents before I had told anyone at work, was so awkward.

It's not work then home and private time, it's work then you remain in work time the rest of the evening.

[CinnabarRed]

And you're being obtuse over paperwork. You're surely bright enough to understand that those kind of issues are why companies often have blanket bans.

[CinnabarRed]

Sensible in terms of your career.

I'm really sorry that the timing is so rubbish, but sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles.

FWIW, I was for a time responsible for the training/learning needs of over 3,500 people in my firm - I was responsible for over 20,000 man-nights per year in hotels. Not one of those involved a guest coming along with an employee. That's how unusual your request would be in my environment.

And look at it this way - make this trip a success, boost your career and next time you can visit your DSis.

[Janet365]

I don't wish to reveal identifying details, but I think I know my role better than anyone else here ;) So please trust me when I say that there will be no paperwork or anything else in the hotel room that is confidential. In fact, I don't bring any paperwork with me.

[Janet365]

No, obviously I wouldn't do it behind their back. That's not what I meant.

I wouldn't call leaving my sister at home alone "sensible" when you factor in that I've just seen her after over a year, she's spent £1000 on a ticket to get here, and she will be gone by the time i return from this trip- but I don't suppose I have a choice.

[CinnabarRed]

Re the public funds, I would imagine that poster's OP works in the public sector. If you don't them it's not relevant.

Re confidentiality, just because you don't have clients doesn't mean that there aren't security issues. For example, if you work in HR then there could be job specs, appraisal forms or job applications. (Not saying you do, just giving other examples where it's not a great idea to risk putting yourself or your DSis in a position where - if an allegation were made - you couldn't say hand on heart that no-one outside your function had seen something they shouldn't). There are any number of other areas where similar issues would occur.

[CinnabarRed]

Not asking at all but just doing it? Bad call!

Not asking at all and leaving DSis at home? Sensible call!