to be so upset at turning 40?

[bebespain]

I mean nothing is actually any different than when I was 39 but I am utterly distraught at becoming 40

It´s like I can suddenly see all the grey hairs and lines that were there before. Ironically I have had several bouts of illness since my birthday

Even worse is that I feel so old to be a Mum especially given that my youngest is only 14 months old...what was I thinking? She´ll be 11 and I´ll be 50 Didn´t I know all this before I had her, of course I did but it is all I can think about now. How come I was able to push it to the back of my mind before...

I honestly feel that all the age is just a number that is spouted is utter bollocks. I don´t want to be old.

Somebody tell me to get a grip

[JessieMcJessie]

I turned 40 6 months ago. I was dreading it, didn`t want to mark it at all. DP, bless him, booked a surprise weekend away for just the two of us at a massive waterslide park complex and we behaved like children for the whole trip.

OP, I didn't meet my DP till a couple of years ago so I don't have any children yet and any we do have will be younger than yours when I am 50. Yet I clearly remember my parents'40ths because I was 14 at the time! That's a bit of a headfuck. However my Mum would have killed for the full and varied life I've had.

[bebespain]

Hi all

Just wanted to say another big for all the kindness on this thread, I love MN

I am especially touched by those of you sharing your stories as older parents, it´s all very positve.

I honestly don´t mind being told to get a grip, I did ask for that. It´s just helpful to share which is something that´s a bit hard for me to do in real life. I don´t have many friends where I live (more than one and less than three) and much as I love them they aren´t the sort to empathise

Onwards and upwards...

[bibliomania]

Will be turning 40 in 3 months so really enjoying the pep talks about how great your forties are. My thirties threw up a few challenges - nothing extraordinary, just a horrible divorce and conflict over child residence and a few obstacles career-wise. I'm hoping against hope my 40s will be better.

[neiljames77]

Being 40 now is nothing like it was 30 or 40 years ago. When I look at black and white photos of my Grandparents, they look middle aged when they were about 30. Everything is different now. I'm in my 40's but I'm really irresponsible.

[Fillybuster]

Worra

OP, I turned 40 this month. Obviously nothing anyone else says is really going to change how you feel if you're determined to feel miserable about it, but I'd like to share an observation from my aunt (now 64).

She said she wished she had felt happier about turning 40 as this really was the best decade of her life. You're at the peak of 'being yourself': still young enough to take on new challenges and develop new skills but experienced enough to bring value and depth to a team. You've got a young family, but are already moving into the 'next' (post baby) stage - how exciting! And she said that she wished she'd known how good she looked at 40, compared to when she turned 50 or 60

Anyway, I'm (surprisingly) entirely fine with the whole 40 thing, partly as a result of her comments, so maybe that will help?

[LurcioLovesFrankie]

Big hug, OP. My 40th birthday sucked! You can't help what you feel, and being told to get a grip ain't that helpful. On the plus side, 42 was okay, because I was pregnant and had this immense feeling of "yay, life (quite literally) in the old girl yet." 43, 44, 45,46, 47 and 48 have passed in a haze of small-child induced exhaustion as a result, so I haven't had time to worry about it.

Seriously, though, it's not that bad. Think back to your twenties and how you thought about being mid-thirties? You thought that was ancient, I bet. Now you look back with fond nostalgia. I've a feeling that's how you'll feel about your forties by the time you're in your fifies, and so on. As women we're conditioned to think we're over the hill from about age 25 on, but really, we're not.

Think I might have a big blow-out for my 50th.

[SeaSickSal]

I think you need to count your blessings.

You are still alive.

You have a family.

Plenty of people either don't reach 40 or get to your age and haven't been lucky enough to have children.

It is normal to feel a bit wistful but distraught, no.

[jacks365]

When I turned 40 my youngest was 11 but when I turn 50 in 5 years my youngest will be 7. I'm loving my 40's though I'm sure I'm still a teenager really.

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

An old (verrry old) lady I was chatting to by the bread in Morrisons said to me "women dread being forty, but they shouldn't. It's the best age, You're all sorted out at forty".
I hope I will be. If not, there's always Botox.

[persimmon]

I'm 43. I don't look massively different to when I was 39. My life is better on the whole. Ageing is inevitable - why not stress about stuff you can actually change?

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

I've just turned 35 (last November) I was pretty depressed but luckily my birthday coincided with the bestest thing EVER and so I completely forgot about it despite having a massive party which I managed to pretend was for the bestest thing ever and not my birthday. (Well kind of!)

Anyway, it's only just hit me this week that I'm an old cow now. I can see many wrinkles upon my ugly old face now. What makes it even worse is that I'll be 36 this year. BOO! I fucking hate that I'm middle aged now because I feel like I'm starting to turn invisible and very unattractive. I wasted so much of my youth worrying about being ugly and unattractive and fat...fuck if I could go back now I'd slap myself around the face with a big wet toad.

[Foxeym]

I'm 42 and had DC3 12 weeks ago and def don't feel old. In fact my life has been so much better since I turned 40 that I wouldn't want to be any younger again :)

[hmc]

Ah, so she did bikerunski - somebody needs to warn the OP about the downside though of increasing senior moments!

[KittensoftPuppydog]

I went through this when I turned 20. Didn't like not being a teenager anymore. After a lot of grief, I realised that I was still younger than I was ever going to be again, so I could either enjoy life or be increasingly depressed for the rest of my life.
Now early 50s. Having a great time.

[quirrelquarrel]

40's YOUNG woman! honestly! you're not bloody old

These days there's so much you can do to improve your quality of life (money, time, health allowing). If you're really so bothered about it, then take some time to get to know yourself even better and work out what clothes, exercise, interests etc suit you at this point in your life.

My grandmother is 70 and has as much energy as a 50 year old. More energy than me sometimes and I'm 20! She runs after buses pulling out of the bus stop and knocks on the door for the driver to let her in and won't give up until they do! >love my grandmother she's so fun

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

@ bebespain now owning a collection of grips!

so do you feel any better today?

[BikeRunSki]

hmc the OP asked us to tell her to get a grip!

[BeaLola]

I am 45 .... My forties have been fab .. i became a Mummy at 44 when we adopted our son .... IT is just a number. Enjoy and buy yourself something special/do something special to celebrate.

[hmc]

Awww bit harsh to say get a grip! I've always had mini crises about milestone birthdays - I remember freaking out over my 30th which seems ridiculous now of course, but the feelings were valid at the time

[BikeRunSki]

Get a grip! My youngest was born when I was 40. In fact 3 weeks before I was 41.

[DumSpiroSperHoHoHo]

Adds 26yo toy boy to the 'to do before I'm 40 list' just don't tell DH

[hmc]

Am 46 this year - it's not so bad. Am in good health, lots of energy and pretty much happy with my lot (I also look younger than me age [preens]). The only source of regret - I wish I had achieved more by this stage.

I guarantee that when you are 40 and 1 day you'll be feeling a bit silly and wondering why you were so concerned

[sausageandorangepickle]

I had DS3 on my 40th birthday (outs myself to anyone who knows me), so you are not old to be a mum. My 30's were mostly spent in a job I hated, with 2 small children and no money - my 40's so far, well DS3 is fantastic, funny and gorgeous and the other two are clever caring funny teenagers (most of the time) great company, watching TBBT and Viva, training me in the slang and music they like, my career is now progressing although I thought I was past it and things are on the up!

[Bootycall]

literally just turned 50, oldest just turned 25 and youngest 13.. glad to be here and fairly healthy.

dye your hair, have your teeth whitened and go for good coverage in your foundation.

[BratinghamPalace]

Frank Sinatra said "my body maybe 40 but I am 22"!