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AIBU?

To not have made Dp his dinner?

54 replies

sisterelephant · 10/12/2013 23:16

My Dp is a very picky eater and can be very wasteful at times.

I was bought up knowing the value of every meal and drink, anything we didn't want to eat would be waiting for us at a later time. Due to this, I like to make enough food for one/two meals so food doesn't get wasted. Dp is often 'not in the mood' for some foods, doesn't feel like finishing off snacks/bread when they are about to go out of date and often leaves unfinished drinks around the house.

He has early starts at work so when he comes home he sometimes has a nap -no problem with me- but sometimes when I make dinner he'll stay asleep after numerous attempts to wake him and his dinner will end up wasted.

So tonight my sister was over and he had a nap. I was going to make very simple bangers and mash for dinner and decided to make it when we were almost ready to eat, reheated sausages are rank. Put the potatoes in the oven around 7 and woke Dp up at 8ish as I was putting ds to bed. He said he was still tired so wanted to sleep so I left him. I'd been snacking all day do didn't feel particularly hungry so didn't bother make dinner at all.

He's just woken up now asking where his dinner is and is moaning that he's starving! I told him its his own fault for having a very long nap, he can make himself beans on toast.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

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sisterelephant · 11/12/2013 11:59

He's up at 5am in work for 5.30am.

We have a small freezer so can't freeze as much as I would like but, you've all gave some good advice and I'll make the effort to freeze more.

OP posts:

Catswiththumbs · 11/12/2013 12:10

I don't understand why he has a nap?
I start work at 6am (up at 4.45 due to commute) work 12 hours, manual work with an hours break, get back in the house for 7pm and end up cooking and doing bits of housework that need doing before DH comes home an hour later, eat bit of tv to wind down and bed before doing the same the day after. (Also work nights, same shift and times)

Pass him some balls, and an apron he's taking you for a mug! Bless him with a nap. My ex used to have a nap after school, he was a teacher I used to Hoover

revivingshower · 11/12/2013 12:12

If this works it might even be worth getting a bigger freezer. It will help with avoiding food waste. I heard of someone who puts all leftover veggies and suitable scraps in a tub then when they have enough make it into soup.

revivingshower · 11/12/2013 12:12

If this works it might even be worth getting a bigger freezer. It will help with avoiding food waste. I heard of someone who puts all leftover veggies and suitable scraps in a tub then when they have enough make it into soup.

revivingshower · 11/12/2013 12:17

I must admit a nap does sound a bit of a mistake it would be better to try to stay up then go to bed earlier. However I still think the freezing is a good way to prevent food waste and overall save time and energy.

TwoTurkeysMarinatingInABucket · 11/12/2013 12:19

I think it is unreasonable not to eat leftovers. NU to not like them though. I buy half loaves sometimes.
It is U of your DH to expect dinner when you woke him to tell him about dinner and he chose to nap some more.

Ephiny · 11/12/2013 12:21

Of course you're not being unreasonable, you're not his personal chef!

If you have very different schedules, or like to eat at different times, it probably makes more sense if you each just sort out your own food. Then you each get to have what you want, when you want it.

Topseyt · 11/12/2013 12:32

You are not being at all unreasonable. I would be tempted to lay down the law a bit.

Say that dinner will be at about X time in the evening. If he won't get his arse out of bed for it then he gets nothing from you. Freeze as much as you can of what is left to minimise waste, or pile it into a box for his packed lunch the next day (by which time it will be pretty rank). You aren't his servant, and I presume you are not running his own personal restaurant for him either.

SpottyDottie · 11/12/2013 12:39

I'm another one who is questioning the napping. My DH gets up early for work and doesn't feel the need to nap when he gets home. Why is your DP so tired that he is still asleep at around 8 and you are having to wake him then?? Is he your DS father? It comes across that if he is up early and asleep most of the evening then he isn't seeing your DS in the week at all.

He is also a grown man, he can sort out his own food if he is not eating with everyone else.

lottiegarbanzo · 11/12/2013 12:46

His napping and waking at unpredictable times is preventing you from eating together, unless you wait for him and can't plan your own evening, or eat when you're hungry, which would be very unreasonable.

So, either dinner is at x time and he always gets up to eat it, or you cook freezable portions, or each cook for yourselves.

It sounds as though he's having half his 'night time' sleep in a so called nap, then waking half way through the night hoping for dinner, which is pretty crazy.

You posted after 11pm last night. I'd have been in bed by then. If he's up at five, surely he needs to be in bed by nine.

Freezable portions would get round the pickiness, as he can choose which one he wants.

Expecting dinner to be cooked, then sleeping through it, then refusing to eat leftovers the next day is completely unreasonable.

Not just because of the food waste but because it wastes your time cooking for two and, unless vast amounts of food is to be wasted, means you're always the one eating leftovers, while he has fresh food - wasting more of your time in its preparation.

ShinyBauble · 11/12/2013 14:19

Maybe I've been single too long, HSMMaCM but why would she do that for another adult? Unless he has a disability which means he can't safely use an oven, surely he's able to fend for himself when he's hungry?

CynicalandSmug · 11/12/2013 15:51

It's time he cooked his own meals to suit him. Why on earth should he be treated like a bloody toddler?

OBitchery · 11/12/2013 16:01

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OBitchery · 11/12/2013 16:02

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OBitchery · 11/12/2013 16:04

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BettyBoo246 · 11/12/2013 16:07

Sorry do you mean dp or ds lol!
He sounds like a tit 2bh he wants a mummy not a partner!

whattoWHO · 11/12/2013 16:13

Couldn't you try meal planning together? He gets a say in what food is available and it cuts down on waste.

revivingshower · 11/12/2013 16:17

Lol obitchery you are right about faddy eating plus needing a nap is just like a toddler.

LatteLady · 11/12/2013 16:21

Do you have a normal time for dinner / supper? When I lived at home dinner was on the table at 7:00pm, if you were late if was left warnimg for you. End of. My mother did not run a hotel and it was easier to stick to a time table for dinner.

My father once, having told her that she could not cook and his tastes were simple, said he would just like a few potatoes and poached eggs. After a week of this, and by this time he was starting to get constipated, he apologised.

If your partner wants to join you for meals, then he has to be awake to do so and not whine when he misses the meal.

sisterelephant · 11/12/2013 17:35

In regards to the nap - it is on occasion, our DS sleeps in his cot in our room and he has been ill recently so hasn't been sleeping well, this waking up both of us. I can nap when DS naps on during the day but obviously Dp can't nap at work, he gets home around 3.30pm earliest. I understand that most people 'just get on' with similar issues but I don't mind and it works for us, so I wouldn't begrudge him for it.

In regards to dinner times - yes I should set the standard to times. I normally sort dinner 6-8 while Dp gets DS ready for bed, it does fluctuate if DS is being irritable at times, but generally that's the set time. On the back of this thread I told him today that I will cook and freeze so he can eat that or make his own food if he doesn't want it! I think that it will work for us.

He's going to watch the footie today so is sorting his own dinner, I'm happily cooking my bangers and mash!!

I did the potatoes yesterday - unfortunately I left them in the oven, would I have to throw them out or will they be fine to eat today?

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 11/12/2013 18:08

Did you bake the potatoes? If so, fine, just reheat. If you mashed with milk and butter then left them in the oven for 24 hours, you probably shouldn't eat them (good bacterial culture ingredients) but honestly, I might.

lottiegarbanzo · 11/12/2013 18:11

Also, the napping sounds much more reasonable now you've explained it's a one off and that he normally puts DS to bed. You'd said you were doing that before, so it sounded as though you did DS bedtime and dinner, while your DP did nothing useful.

I'd definitely second involving him in meal planning and shopping - he'll see the cost too, so may start to get the waste issue.

Sounds like you've been able to reach a solution pretty easily though, which is refreshing for AIBU!

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HSMMaCM · 11/12/2013 18:33

Shinybauble - I didn't mean batch cook and freeze individual meals just for him ... I meant for all the family. OP can have a fresh meal and freeze several more for all the family.

sisterelephant · 11/12/2013 19:35

No they don't have anything on them, they're still in the foil! Thanks, they are warning up now.

Thanks for all replies and advice!

OP posts:

fuzzle · 11/12/2013 20:08

freeze loaves of bread for toast

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