To want to strangle my sister in law??

[HankEpankie]

Apologies for the rant.... But

Everytime she see my ds, even for a short visit she brings some sort of gift. I have tried everything from asking her to limit it to special occasions, to dropping hints about not wanting him to be spoilt to downright refusing to accept stuff but she NEVER LISTENS.

Her kids are so spoilt it's embarrasing and I dont want my child turning out rude and materialistic like hers. I don't really agree with the way she raises her kids but it's her right to do what she wants for her kids, as it is my right to make desicions about my child.

We have never really got on and I feel like this is her partly trying to wind me up which infuriates me because my child is being used in her silly games. It's not that I don't appreciate the gesture but all this gift giving no longer seems genuine, just a ploy to piss me off. Now she has taken to comin over to visit and then waiting till I'm out the room and pulling out the latest gift and giving it directly to ds so I can't really take it off him without being the bad guy. And she does it with a smirk on her face .

Another thing she does is constantly trying to undermine my authority ..I don't allow ds to any sort of junk food and whenever my back is turned she is plying him with cake etc things a 15 month old doesnt need to be eating!!

The other day ds ate his food at a restaurant and I went to order him fruit for dessert, and as Im cutting it up I hear her sayin "oh u don't want that, do u want cake" and tried to give him cake off her plate. I said "no he is not allowed cake" and she still went to hand it to him and I actually had to physically take it out her hand!!!! What.the.actual.fuck

Then the other day she asks what i plan to get him for xmas and i told her...the next day i get a txt sayin she has just ordered what i ws planning to buy so "can i please not buy it aswell"

She is constantly trying to undermine and patronise me like she knows best and short of strangling her I don't know what to do. Believe me I am no wallflower and have put my foot down over and over again but she just ignores me...any advice on what I should do?? I refuse to let this carry on...

[Ivy79]

ZombieThread @Cosmic123

[Cosmic123]

You seem like you come across as a bit uptight and maybe you need to relax a bit?

Could you be being paranoid in thinking she's trying to wind you up? Maybe she just likes your child.

You will make yourself very unhappy looking for the bad in people.

Even if she is trying to wind you up, I would imagine it's because you come across as very holier than thou in your parenting (if you are actually like your post sounds) and I can kind of see why. Sorry but you did ask.

[LouHotel]

Oh for fuck sake! Well presumably it all worked out OP.

[Ivy79]

How the fuck do people manage to keep dragging up these damn zombie threads?

They should be available for people to read, but they should be made so that after a year, no-one can post on them any longer!

I agree that this is not an 'update!' The OP probably stopped posting on here ages ago.

[Ivy79]

[Ivy79]

@LouHotel The OP won't see your reply (probably.) The thread is 4 years old!

[LouHotel]

I thought you were being a little unreasonable until the christmas present bit.

This women is bonkers and you need to wise up and play the game a bit. You need to be as vague as possible in all future run ins whilst being friendly.

What are you doing this weekend? ''Oh we're not sure yet probably popping out''

What are you getting ds for christmas? ''Well there's so much to choose from we havent really give it much thought''

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

Saorsie - it's not an update though is it. Or even a post asking for an update.

Just someone saying - me too

Updates are great. This is not an update

[CaptainMarvelDanvers]

Eurgh why don't I look at the date.

[CaptainMarvelDanvers]

Just point blank tell her that she has to stop getting gifts otherwise you will leave contact arrangements to her brother.

[saoirse31]

oh give over aargh.... Wouldn't it be great to hear update.

[Peeetle]

Maybe we will get an update

[FreshHorizons]

I feel really cheated when it is a Zombie thread. Just wasted time reading it to find that the child must now be at school and the problem resolved.

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

ZOMBIE THREAD!

Girlbesidethesea - was it really worth dragging up a four year old thread to say - me too?

[girlbesidethesea]

i have a sil exactly the same..so rude

[Pagwatch]

This is all getting a bit out of control because you are letting her se ths up as a competition/battle.

Firstly, a child does not become spoilt because of stuff. You could give your child a present every day and still bring them up to be polite and grateful and generous. You are in control of that, not her.
That doesn't make her right but you should stop making it about whether it will spoil your child or not because that is nonsense.

It sounds as though she pushes back at you everytime you set a boundary, then you fight back and it starts - whether it's about presents or cake or whatever.
So if it were me I would top reacting. If she brings a present just let her give it to your child. Don't react. Don't flare up. If you want to then put it away or give it to the charity shop.if she wants to waste her money that's her problem.

If she tries to feed your child again against your wishes don't get drawn into arguing about bloody cake. Just say calmly 'I said no. If you are going to start undermining me then I will have to reconsider if we should meet up anymore' and mean it.

Any conversation with her about cake or presents will just become like this thread - full of opinions on cake. Stick to the point - "don't undermine me or go against my wishes because I am not prepared to meet with you if you do"

[lottieandmia]

From what you say, I do think you are overreacting a bit. If she wants to keep giving his presents then just say 'thank you' and when your son is old enough tell him 'oh she's one of those people who likes giving loads of presents'. It's highly unlikely that he's going to grow up materialistic because she gives him presents - you are his mother, not her.

As for the cake, well I can understand that a 15 month old doesn't need cake all the time but occasionally won't hurt him. My friend who has 3 children used to be very strict about what her first child ate but she has relaxed considerably with number 3 - we had a conversation about it (and I was probably the same too with mine).

If this woman is doing all these things only to get a rise out of you as you think then it's working isn't it?! What you need to do is stop caring or reacting (because the consequences for you son will barely register on his life as a whole) or stop seeing her and cut her out of your life.

[shewhowines]

YANBU

You've tried to do it nicely.
Now get hard. Give her one last chance. Tell her it has to stop or she will have to stop seeing him - and stick to it.

[superlambanana]

She sounds like a nightmare OP. I am very frustrated on your behalf with all the posters saying the gifts are occasional when it's clearly far more than that! Also the cake thing - you're his mother, you get to decide. If you decide he doesn't eat cake, or doughnuts, or even carrots, quite frankly that's your prerogative and other people should respect it. It's not up for debate whether it's right or wrong (though personally I don't think you sound uptight at all).

I agree with other posters who say just don't see her. It sounds like your ex-DP wouldn't have an issue with that, which makes it easier, and I honestly don't think your DS will suffer as she sounds like a bit of a loon anyway...

[ShitOnAStick]

Sorry about the typos!

[ShitOnAStick]

She doesn't respect your rules op and constantly undermines you. The Christmas present thing was horrible of her, that would really upset me. If she winds you up so much or you frel her behaviour will negatively affect your ds then do not have her round. If my sil repeatedly did things I had asked her not to because I felt strong about it in my home I wouldn't let her in. You are the parent. Your house, your rules. This is not about cake or gifts, it's about her lack of respect and pathetic game playing and trying to be the favourite aunty. She can judge your parenting or disagree with you all she likes but undermining you is not acceptable.

[HoHolepew]

It's got fuck all to do with whetherr the child has cake or not. It's to do with the aunty doing whatever she wants with a child that isn't hers to parent. In particular doing the opposite of what the parent wants. Just to be a cow.

We all have "first world" problems that doesn't mean we aren't stressed or upset by them.

Go no contact op.

[pennefab]

One tactic to help your DS with learning about giving, and at same time helping SIL see the big picture ... Accept all gifts, but explain that for every new gift, your DS has to give one to charity.

Your SIL will see that you're trying to instill sense of helping others, your DS will start learning about giving. And, if there's distress on DS part: 1) he'll learn about giving, 2) maybe SIL will slow down on gifts if they are not getting response from you &/or are causing your young DS distress at having to give to others less fortunate.

Just imagine - in front if SIL: "Well DS, your Auntie knows that you have to donate a toy to X Charity every time you get a new one. Not all children are as lucky as you to have so many things. And you have a very generous Auntie. But, if you don't want to be giving [old toy] to X Charity - even though it's a nice thing to do - we need to tell Auntie to slow down and save any gifts for [birthday, x holiday]. "

Sry if this has already been posted. Didn't read all replies yet.

[Lilacroses]

OP, that was exactly the same with me. This all happened once I had actually split up with my DP so they were by now ex parent's in law. Like you I was trying really hard to be mature and not let our break up affect Dd's relationship with them but they had always been very controlling and it needed to be sorted. I hope you can sort your situation out too, it's a tricky one.

[Lilacroses]

I don't agree that this is nothing to stress about. I had this with my ex mil. She would constantly buy Dd bags and bags of gifts and by this I mean every other weekend she would come from their house with a big bag of new clothes, a new dressing up box, massive bags of sweets...really extreme. Sometimes, even when she was about 5 they would just randomly give her £25 "pocket money". I would consider myself a very laid back parent with only one or two things that I really didn't allow but they would make a point of buying those things (Bratz dolls and books for example) and enjoy watching Dd open them in front of me and joke "oh dear, mummy wont be happy with us will she?"

It was extremely devisive and disrespectful and I went from being polite about it to firm and fed up. In the end after they phoned her to tell her they had just bought her 2 white ponies (yes, real ones) so that she could come over every weekend I lost it. I told them that either they respected my wishes or they didn't see Dd. It was a huge drama but it worked. They backed down and have been sensible and respectful ever since.