I've namechanged but am a regular.
I've recently gone non contact with my parents. There are a variety of reasons why I've done this. My father has severe anger issues and I think there is lots of emotional abuse going on between him and my mother. My father cannot understand why I've gone non contact and thinks the following is ok:
When I was a child he smacked me a lot. Not just the odd tap on the hand or bum if I did something dangerous, but if he was in a bad mood he's start to invent things i'd done wrong, or would make out things I'd done wrong were worse than they are, and would really whack me hard, often around the head.
I remember once, aged 7 or 8, going to a playground with my parents and suddenly getting hit around the head and falling to the floor. I thought someone had attacked me but it was my dad hitting me saying I'd 'stuck my tongue out at my mum'. When I'd done nothing of the sort and was just playing.
The smacking continued on and off until I left home at 21. Even in my late teens/early 20s if I disagreed with him or he didn't like what I had to say I'd end up going flying across the kitchen or with a slap on my face. Or he'd punch me on my arm. Or he'd shout at me so loudly in my face and make me wet myself.
He seems to think the above is normal and has been saying to family members that I'm the one with the problem and that I'm ungrateful, and that that is how families work. Of course, I know the opposite and bring my kids up in a totally different way. But his behaviour still bothers me. I don't suppose I'm ever going to convince him he was in the wrong though am I?
AIBU?
To think my father was totally in the wrong?
cherrycokegirl · 11/11/2013 13:55
I'm so sorry this happened to you! You are in the right and he is wrong. Whether or not he ever acknowledges or admits it. Have you had any counselling at all?
OP where was your mother in all of this when you were a child. Did he bully her, was she scared of him. I am really sorry this has happened to you. I dont blame you for what you are doing. Have you discussed this with your mother, if so, what are her opinions. 
You certainly don't want these grandparents around your children, so don't think twice about it.
Interesting what you say about your mum and emotional abuse.
My mum played the victim well when they divorced after 22 years, she had the whole of her family piling on the attention and sympathy. Yet as scared as she apparently was of him she was quite happy to report a long list of things (not all true) my DB and I had apparently done wrong in the day to my father when he got home from work in a shitty mood and stand by and watch him punch the crap out of us, and sometimes positively encourage it. She could swing her fists at us too - she failed to mention this to her siblings.
The most vivid thing wasn't violence though - we had to say sorry to her for making our father angry which upset her. Then we were forced to say "I love you" to her or she wouldn't speak to us until we did. 
I don't actually ever remember him striking her once, but the family had been told differently - she made out she was a human shield to us.
I often think about how I would be if I was trapped in a relationship of domestic abuse with my DS. I certainly wouldn't antagonize an angry violent man and encourage him to hit my ds. I bet you'd be the same.
Cut them both out - they deserve each other. Do you have a DP? What's his family like? Can you talk to MIL about your feelings? Anyone in the family you can talk to? Cousins tend to be on your peer group level - do you have any you are close to?
YANBU - at all. Your father is not normal, that is not a normal childhood (sorry - should not be a normal childhood ) and you are absolutely doing the right thing by going NC.
Are you in touch with your sister?
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