Son's teacher asking me to vary privacy preferences

[DustBunnyFarmer]

My son's teacher (primary) caught me outside school this morning and initiated conversation about whether I would agree to her posting a video of the whole class made during a recent topic on the school website so all the parents could enjoy it. She said there had been a few other parents who'd signed a 'no photos' clause like us that she'd had to speak to, but I was the only one left

DH and I expressed preference for no photos in school publicity/on web when both of our boys started. There was a reason for this (family issue), but also we guard our online privacy jealously. We don't facebook, twitter or photoshare and have spoken to relatives about plastering pictures of our kids all over their FB account with their full names in the past.

AIBU to think that, if a parent has clearly expressed a view on this, the school - or an isolated teacher in this case - should not be trying to renegotiate and definitely not by tring to guilt 'the last man standing'?

For info, the video would not be posted in a password protected area - it would be on the main website, open for the whole world to see.

[OldRoan]

I didn't get the 'no-photo' list until a few weeks into term (although I hadn't been taking whole class photos anyway just in a case). I had, however, done some group work where each group had a set of photos of some role play which they were going to annotate.

I got the list that evening, and deleted the child's group's photos. Everyone else was then given a random picture so his group didn't feel left out. Maybe that was me overreacting, maybe I could/should have checked with his mum, but I didn't. Perhaps this teacher planned the activity before realising how many children shouldn't have been included in the film and thought since it was done anyway she could check on the off chance.

If I were her and I had known in advance, the no-photo children would have done their own group video with a TA - they can feel included, but not put on website..

[TidyDancer]

There's no problem I can see with the teacher asking. You still feel it's a no for you. That's where it ends for me. Teacher not wrong for asking, you not wrong for saying no.

[ravenAK]

I think the teacher was OK to ask - so long as she didn't make you feel uncomfortable when you said no.

Some parents don't quite think these things through. I had a lass in my tutor group some years ago who was absolutely not to be photographed, because her parents thought that a passing pervert might be able to abduct her if he knew her name from a labelled photograph & tracked her down near school.

I wouldn't normally know, or need to know, the parents' reason for refusal, but the dad rang to shout at me after one of my colleagues fucked up & allowed her to be identified in a school sporting team photo in the local paper.

I did suggest that allowing her to travel to & from school in a hoody emblazoned on the back with 'Jenny "Baby Jen" Smith' might be risky for similar reasons, but dad was having none of it.

So whilst I think you are perfectly within your rights to refuse, & the teacher has no business pestering you now you've had the conversation - if she does you can definitely complain; I don't think she WBU to make a polite approach to check that this video wouldn't be OK.

[TeenAndTween]

Yes, it is a shame that some children get left out of some things due to no photos.
There have been a few things over the years that my DDs have been unable to participate in due to this. But the potential upset that could be caused by the 'wrong' people seeing their pictures in the context of a known location is far worse than the disappointment of not being able to do the activity. So we live with it.
Our school is excellent and manages to help children not allowed in photos not be excluded. On one occasion my DD was given the role of showing VIPs around, which avoided her being near TV cameras.

[jamdonut]

A year group at our school went to an event this week which was of interest to the local newspaper,and a photographer turned up for the photo opportunities.

Cue frantic call to school office to double-check which children were allowed to be photographed!

Of course it is your right to say no pictures.Especially if there are child protection issues. But I think the teacher was not wrong to ask,there was no harm in that.

I think it is a shame that some children get left out, because most people like to see their kids in the paper,or on the school website. I have always said it is ok for my kids to be photo'd, and they are often in the local paper for one thing or another.It makes me feel proud. But I do understand that for some people it is for safety reasons.

I would agree that sometimes these videos/pictures at school capture spontaneous moments,and are worth sharing.

The issue with parents etc filming things like school plays, is that there is absolutely no control where those images will end up. At least school will make every effort to keep the pictures /film under their control. And before someone says it: yes I know the problems with the internet.

[treas]

She said there had been a few other parents who'd signed a 'no photos' clause like us that she'd had to speak to, but I was the only one left

I read this as the OP was not the only person being asked but was the last one the teacher needed to speak to.

There was no mention by the teacher of the other parents positive or negative response.

That said I did not hear the tone of voice used with this statement.

[teacherandguideleader]

I think it is ok to ask. If it were me I would have asked via email, as I would prefer to be asked things on a sensitive matter that way (time to formulate a response). I wouldn't ask why though, or try to pressure someone to change their mind.

Ideally, she should have sent a letter out before making the video to ask everyone (just as someone might change their mind from a no to a yes, they might go from yes to no). However, some of the best videos I have got from school / Guides are the unplanned, whip out the camera when something happened style.

[duchessandscruffy]

I don't really understand the problem with the teacher asking as a one off, unless they were really pressuring you. We have had parents at my school who have ticked 'no' on the photos letter, but then when we have sent out individual consent forms (which we still do when it is a photo that may appear in the local press so that things are Crystal clear for the parents), the same parents give consent for that particular circumstance.

As a teacher, photography is a bloody minefield!

[Hamwidgeandcheps]

Yanbu. I would have refused too. You don't need an excuse. Plastering anything on the net is not compulsory.

[UniS]

FWIW I think asking you was Ok. People do change their mind / change of circumstances etc.
In Year R I said no photos , I was asked again in Year 1 and had changed my mind, so the answer then was no names with photos.

[SoupDragon]

No, she asked because the original question was very black and white for simplicity. Asking for clarification over a specific example is not pressure provided the answer is accepted.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Asking a question when you already have the answer is pressure.

The teacher only wanted to ask the question because she knew the answer already given in advance was no and she decided that was not good enough.

[Wabbitty]

I am surprised at how many people have said that the child should not have been involved in the filming at all. That is discrimination against the child. Yes I agree the film should not be shown or the child pixelated out but to not allow the children to join in at all..... as I said that would be discrimination.

[Tabby1963]

It is very clear. If you have signed the form saying "no" to photos etc of your child being published, then that has to be respected.

We have a list of children at our school who are not to be photographed. All staff know who they are and are very careful to leave them out of photos.

Whilst it is unfortunate that the film cannot be put on the school website, there is nothing to stop the school having a special screening for parents. Don't forget, it is only recently that we have had a choice about actually having school websites at all.

[TiredDog]

I think you have every right to refuse. And should not be badgered. In my workplace adults have to sign a disclaimer if a photograph of them is likely to be published.

It's ironic that every single event at school is prefaced by the headmistress telling us we cannot use images on Facebook etc and then plastering her own images of our kids where she sees fit!

I was looking at Twitter the other day and found a governor had used a picture from an event on Twitter advertising his connection with the 'school' yet parents are categorically and specifically told they cannot. Nuts

[NicknameIncomplete]

This happened to me last year.

I had requested no photos of my dd. One day the head phoned me up and said that the school had made a film about something and the local news were interested in it. She said that she didnt know what piece of clip the news were going to show but it may contain images of my dd. She asked for my permission to show it.

I gave my permission because the problems we have are not local. The news didnt show the film in the end.

I didnt see a problem with the head teacher asking because it was the first and only time that she has asked in five years of my dd being at the school. So i didnt see it as her disrespecting my wishes.

[Mojavewonderer]

She asked and you said no so what's the problem?
Have you never heard of 'If you don't ask, you don't get'.

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

From what I understand of CP reasons for not publishing images is that photos/videos in school place individual children very accurately in a particular location. This can be a huge issue where a child is being adopted, fostered or where there is a risk of abduction.

Just being photographed out in the street may well be less of an issue as it is more anonymous.

I do remember there was a thread a little while ago where a poster was concerned about photographs being taken in a soft play centre which didnt allow photographs. The OP was concerned because of issues surrounding his son's adoption. He had chosen the particular soft play centre because it didnt allow photography.

[lljkk]

Out of curiousity, genuine question, but do you take your kid out in public with a mask on? If they were in a crowd scene at a big public event would you be outraged to see their recognisable photo in the paper later or in the background on telly news coverage?

I just don't get this privacy thing about one's image.

DS was flag-bearer at a scout-swearing-in ceremony. I took loads of pictures of DS as proud parent but later I deleted many and the video because the girl being sworn in, her mother had clicked no image sharing on all the forms (I asked the leader if he thought there would be a problem & he asked me not to use them because he didn't want to be blamed since it was a formal scout event even if I was in effect, just a standing-around member of the public on the quayside). So I just deleted them rather than take a chance on where i might show them later. I couldn't possibly keep track of which video had to be treated in a super special private way. Still seemed like a shame.

[pixiepotter]

Hopefully they can pixelate him out and then it won't spoil it for everyone else and next time they will just leave him out of the performance I guess
YABU, awkward and precious IMO.

[DustBunnyFarmer]

That should have said "become a right"

[DustBunnyFarmer]

Soupdragon - I would be more comfortable with this because all of the parents have a legitimate interest, rather than open to everyone with web access, but some donut would probably upload it to youtube so there's no difference really.

In response to what everyone has said about spoiling it for everyone else, first of all (setting aside legislative constraints) if you were the only smoker in an office of twenty smokers, do you think that one non-smoker should just suck it up to keep the smokers happy? Since when did seeing what our kids get up to in a normal school day ( note: not a play) a right?

[SoupDragon]

The teacher may have thought it worth checking as it may just have been clear images of your child that you objected to (as may have been the case with the other parents who said this video was OK). She may have thought you'd be OK with group shots where your child is not clearly identifiable.

[SoupDragon]

I do not see the problem with her asking provided she doesn't harass you.

Out of interest, how would you feel if they provided each child with a DVD with the video on?

[Echocave]

Given the relatively small number of children to whom the privacy setting apply and the seriousness of the reasons behind it, I think the teacher's out of order.
I also totally agree that they should have thought about the issue of including children under privacy agreements before they made the video. The way the teacher pressurised you about it (its just you left etc) is also unacceptable.
This teacher needs reminding why people make these choices rather than seeing it as an obstacle to their perfect lesson etc. If you are asked this again in relation to this or any other project, I would speak to the head teacher.