AIBU to be royally pissed off with MIL?

[LittlePeaPod]

DF and I get married today . Yeeeaaaaaa, very excited and been up since 4am. We are getting married abroad, just the two of us and our intention is to have a big party and blessing for family and friends after our DD is born in January. Family and friends have been fully aware of this from the start. Although we both understand our respective families (particularly mothers) are disappointed not to get the big white wedding. But on the whole everyone has been supportive.

No one had seen my dress. On the day we traveled I knew MIL was really upset and tearful about not been at the wedding. So I thought it would be nice to show my dress and some pictures of the bouquet etc, because she had been asking about it. She came round in the morning, asked if I could wear her necklace which she wore at her wedding so she could be here in spirit and I was honoured to do so. I then put the dress on for her and she took a couple of pictures under the full understanding no one was to see the pictures because I wanted DF to see the dress first to have on the day and show FIL only.

Well, I found out yesterday that MIL has been going round showing all and sundry the pictures of me in my dress. AIBU to be really pissed off? She knew I didn't want anyone to see the dress before DF and I got married and shared our wedding photos ourselves. I am so angry about it and I feel I don't want to see her for a while when we get back. Not not until I have calmed down.

Please can you tell me, AIBU and is this irrational pregnancy rage? Would you be pissed off?

[roweeena]

I would be royally pissed off but not worth making a big deal out of it. We did the same for our wedding and MIL wasn't happy either but hey - it's my wedding!

Not worth kicking up a massive fuss but I would probably make it known it was unacceptable - and remember not to confide anything in the future - she blew her chance

[LittlePeaPod]

Loves I know. I am dreading the birth. Anyway, they both think the due date is later than it is because we know what they are like. Even though they have both been asked not to just turn up at the hospital, they both will. The last thing I need is my mother and MIL at the hospital. It will be like the Golden Girls if you remember them on some sort of amphetamine. Ha ha ha. And they have both been told they can't stay with us until the baby is a few weeks. That went down with both of them like swallowing broken glass. . Ha ha ha

[LovesBeingOnHoliday]

Good idea she deco needs a bigger first to counteract with just in case

[LittlePeaPod]

Thank you ladies. Still irritated when I think about it but its not worth creating havoc over. More important things in life.

LovesBeignOnHoliday. That is a massive concern and has the potential of becoming a very hot potatoe. Thankfully they live in different cities and rarely get together. The are really competitive of each other in a nice/friendly but childish way. But to try and mitigate the reaction from my mum I will be going there with the wedding album so she sees it first and gets the blow by blow account first. Honestly what we have to do sometimes . Ha ha ha

Costalady. I am sure every bride thinks this but it was the most perfect day. We enjoyed every minute of it and its wonderful to now be Mrs LPP. . The only way I can describe how we feel and felt about the day and getting married is "it just feels/felt so right". If that makes sense?

[CostaLady]

Congratulations! How did it all go?

[LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops]

It's a shame, but let it go - remember it is her son getting married, she clearly loves you and wanted to show you off.
Congratulations too.

[LovesBeingOnHoliday]

Congrats, and I hope your mum doesn't get upset about mil seeing tge dresss

[CuriosityCola]

Congratulations. ??

[StupidFlanders]

Congratulations- I'd let this one go!

[LittlePeaPod]

Sinful. ha ha ha ha ha....

Thanks for the congratulations ladies...

[Sinful1]

I read DF as dear father, that made that post sooooo wrong :o

[EllesAngel]

Congratulations

[Hawkmoth]

Congratulations x

[LittlePeaPod]

Hi ladies,

Thank you for all your comments. I will take note of the lesson "never tell MIL anything I don't want people to know before I tell them mysel". Thinking bad I should know this already because as soon as we told her about been pregnant with our DD (due 2nd January 2014) she was off telling all her friends neighbours and pretty much anyone that would listen... This was after she promised not to say anything because we wanted to wait to tell people after the 12 week point.

Lesson definetly learnt this time. .

Anyway, DH eeek and I had the most amazing day. Thank you again ladies.

[Justforlaughs]

I'm more at the fact that you are on mumsnet on your wedding day, , I thought I was bad!
I suppose it depends on what your usual relationship with her is like, I would be furious, but that's mainly down to past experience and knowing that it would be carefully thought through and planned to upset me. If she's normally lovely then put it down to excitement and don't let it ruin your day/ future relationship with her.

[Pennyacrossthehall]

EllesAngel YANBU At least you now know not to tell her anything in confidence in the future.

That's the important learning point from this incident.

[EuphemiaLennox]

She probably thought it was just really important your DF didn't see the photos, even if yu think you made this clear people often only hear or interpret what makes sense to them.

Let it go...family are important and worth tolerating if they're well meaning but annoying and only worth the heartache of grudges, rows and disengagement if they're really toxic.

She sounds like she cares about you but gets stuff wrong.

You'll actually be happier if you can let it go.

[SeraphinaSparklePants]

I'd be a bit annoyed, but on the plus side, she must think you look absolutely gorgeous and be very proud of you to be so keen to show your picture around.
As other posters have already said, just be careful what you share in future.
Congratulations.

[NotYoMomma]

well its not like she showed df is it?

I don't see why you are bothered with this tradition when you aren't about others

getting married abroad with only yourselves and excluding your own parents is a bit non traditional in itself

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

YANBU

You have learnt something important about this woman and how much you can trust her.

[EuphemiaLennox]

Ah it's annoying but let it go.

She's excited, happy and wanting to share and talk about you and the wedding and she went too far.

Honestly it's much better than having her bitter, angry, disinterested or many other scenarios.

Annoying over enthusiasm can be tolerated.

It's just a few snaps, everyone will still be so excited to see the actual photos, and MIL will be hoiking those around everyone she knows with the glance of the snaps they had long forgotten, as they ooh and ahh and talk about the party.

Honestly, roll your eyes, breath deeply and enjoy your day, just the two of you.

Congratulations!!

[EllesAngel]

YANBU At least you now know not to tell her anything in confidence in the future.

[RaspberryRuffle]

YANBU.
Your MIL and Mother may be disappointed about there not being a white wedding, but they had THEIR chance and now it's the turn of you and your DH (congratulations).
I wouldn't fall out with her permanently about it but I would absolutely let her know how disappointed you were to find that she can't keep something special to herself and tell her you won't be able to trust her in future to keep anything quiet (you won't, if you tell her in future e.g. pregnancy or other exciting news and she lets it slip then you'll be kicking yourself that it happened again) . Does she know you're PG now?

[DoJo]

It's a shame - you made a concession to make her feel like she was included and she specifically went against your wishes. I think that putting it to one side for now is probably best, but remember for the future that she cannot be relied upon to keep things to herself. And congratulations!

[Daiso]

YANBU as I'd be annoyed too. Rightly or wrongly, most brides feel their dress is private until the big day and whilst it may not be an issue to some, it would be to others. I thought it was wedding etiquette (if that's the right word) that the dress isn't seen until the bride walks down the aisle etc? She's obviously excited but I think you are within your rights to be a bit pissed off. Congratulations by the way!!