To think that if Hell was a cafe...

[beepoff]

... The only tea it would serve would be the discusting Lapsang Souchong?

Served in chipped novelty mugs.

Accompanied by crumbly, not sweet-enough, flaccid flapjacks which fall apart when touched.

shudder

[CostaLady]

[lazarusb]

Oh yes, nice sticky tables and floor.
Filthy toilets.

[AlexReidsLonelyBraincell]

Oh Costa were you the 'crappucino' lady?

[CostaLady]

I have experienced café hell, hence my recent name change.

[AlexReidsLonelyBraincell]

The drink of the day (every day) would be a Chai latte, served nice and tepid, extra strong, extra frothy.

[beepoff]

Actually I wonder whether it might make good business sense to open Cafe Hell. Any time someone is told to "go to hell" they might then take it literally...

[CerealMom]

Cafe Hell is in Gambados Watford.

Cafe Hell Europe is in EuroDisney. Automatic hot water at 82 degrees with shit tea bags. If that's how they make tea, no wonder the French don't drink it.

[Travelledtheworld]

Mugs that have lip marks on them....and unwiped tables.

BTW I worked in Mr Kiplings Bakery in Eastleight, Hants one summer and I still ENJOY a fondant fancy !

[MerryMarigold]

Hell's Cafe would have beautiful cake stands all covered in...individually wrapped Mr Kiplings.

[PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice]

My DH likes rooibos but cannae handle the lemon one.

[beepoff]

Lapsang is like drinking a bonfire of manure.

I like rooibos but am yet to meet a man that does. My DH says it smells of hay and feet.

[guiltyconscience]

No I don't Pat, seems one tea education needs attention! lol

[daimbardiva]

Grindleford cafe is also famous for the grumpy nature of the staff...god help you if you ask to change an item in rhe full breakfast. . !

[PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice]

Tsk no it is lovely. V popular in South Africa don't you know.

[OldBeanbagz]

Agree with lots of other posters that Lapsang is a bit bleugh.

However Hell's Cafe to me would serve only decaf tea & coffee in a Sports Direct mug!

Oh and creamer in little pots rather than proper milk.

[guiltyconscience]

Pat this rooibos sounds like a computer virus lol

[PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice]

I think lapsang is traditionally made by smoking the tea over old fishing nets (burning the nets) so it may have a kippery aroma!

I love it, not strong, no milk. Am experimenting with a new lemon rooibos just now as am pg so no caffeine.

[guiltyconscience]

70 they have black heads that meet

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

guilty
and the strands of hair just brush over the food.
Or they run their hands through their hair.... yuk

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

LeGarv

M&S Cafe is full of ghastly old fossils. That's another form of hell altogether

[guiltyconscience]

and very bad acne

[guiltyconscience]

and long greasy hair

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Weak tea with milk that has gone slightly in the turn.....bleurgh

And chocolate cupcake sponge with a lime buttercream swirl, made with salted butter

And a stale ashtray overflowing with fag butts

Served by someone with rank BO

[BearPear]

Cafe Hell never has "proper" fresh milk, only those tiny capsules of fake milk which are impossible to open without splattering the contents everywhere.

[guiltyconscience]

Don't forget your feet must stick to the floor cos it's so filthy.