To not pay for private education when I could afford to.

[JammieCodger]

Dons fireproof overalls.

I am extremely lucky. We live in a nice area and live comfortably, although fairly frugally (by habit, rather than necessity, but it would be difficult for us to live less frugally and stay within our means.) Our main outgoings after housing costs seem to be the children’s various after-school activities.

I’ve got even luckier and have been left a significant sum of money. I have known for a while that it was going to be enough to pay off the mortgage and leave the equivalent of my annual part-time wages left over. I dreamed of a new kitchen, but after more thought decided I wanted to spend it on travel. 6 months, rent the house out, take the children out of school for a term and around the world. What we currently pay towards the mortgage would then be put aside for the children’s university costs.

I’ve now found out it’s going to be even more money. At current prices the amount I'm going to get would be almost enough to pay for both children’s entire secondary education at the very good, but very expensive local private day school. That would mean no travel, no money saved, the same old frugality. My husband and I are both public sector workers, so our income is likely to continue to go down in real terms whilst the school fees will, I assume, go up so we’d have to tighten belts over time.

There are some perfectly decent local state secondary schools, although obviously they can’t compete with the private in terms of results or facilities. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that my daughters might benefit more from the opportunities the money will give than from the expensive schooling? (I may be slightly swayed by the fact that I went to private school and have, by dint of being a complete slacker, pretty much squandered any opportunities it gave me whilst my boss, her boss and his boss were all state schooled.)

[autumnflames]

agree with samnella

[Samnella]

Yanbu but I am of the opinion that in most cases private education is a waste of money.

[JammieCodger]

Um, probably. And the guilt factor is not helped by the fact that I've recently become aware of how much my parents scrimped and saved to send me and my siblings to private school. So I have a potential guilt sandwich of not having made the most of the opportunities my parents struggled to give me, and not struggling to give those same opportunities to my own children.

At least I'd be choosing not to pass that guilt onto my children. :)

[mumonaptamission]

Jammie, reading your posts, it sounds to me that your heart and head say not to go private (wisely, as your inheritance is not enough to make this completely financially stress-free) but maybe you feel guilty about not putting education first because that's what some people would do?

If you take away that guilt factor, would you be more sure about deciding to stay state?

[stemstitch]

BTW I was educated at both state and private schools. The private school was better, but not really sure it was £xxk better tbh.

[stemstitch]

I personally wouldn't bother if the state schools are fine. You would still be making sacrifices to send them by dint of living frugally etc. You need to ask yourself if you'd be pissed off if they didn't do brilliantly after you shelling out all that money (because I probably would).

I think you should either:
a - pay off the mortgage
b - invest/save it so that you can give your kids deposits for houses when they are older (if you want to save it for the kids, you don't have to obviously)

[BoundandRebound]

We chose to go state

We don't regret it

[BoundandRebound]

I would do good state over private and give your children a lifetime of memories - holidays, trips, 6 month sabbatical

I really think there's no contest, you can afford to round out their education if needed with whatever activities or groups you / they desire outside school

[JammieCodger]

Thank you all for your responses; lots to think about but particularly good to know that those who have been in a position to go private but chose not to haven't regretted it.

[wigglybeezer]

I was in your situation a few years ago and decided not to send the kids to private school despite many of my friends with higher incomes doing so, admittedly the very good local Independent school is selective and DS1 would have been unlikely to get in anyway... I have not regretted it, as freelancers in an economic downturn it has been such a relief to not panic in lean times and to be able to say yes to school trips etc. We are now spending it on a bigger house ( not grand but at present we live in a flat) but we will be able to get the money back when we downsize, something we couldn't do with money spent on school fees. It probably helps that although my Dad went to private school he was quite happy to send me to state school.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I wouldn't go private in your situation.
Pay off mortgage, have fab holidays, every extra curricular activity they want, private tuition if need be, private sixth form if need be....
Mind, like you previously, as I've no chance of sending my girls private, I slate it, and I'm not sure if that's jealousy or not.
Congrats btw, sort of!

[stopprocrastinating]

I was privately educated, my cousin state educated. My cousin earns five times the amount I do. I was bullied at my private school and hated it. It has not set me up for a lifetime of success. DC will be state educated.

[duchessandscruffy]

In fact, we will shortly be inheriting an amount of money that I guess would pay for a private education if we used it all for that and lived 'frugally' otherwise - op, I really would use the money for something else and enjoy the money on a nice standard of living, I think that is what e are going to do.

[whois]

If there is no pressing need to go private then you don't need to decide now. You have decent state schools and your DC are happy. If they aren't happy later and need a different environment then you will have the luxury of making the private choice.

Until then, enjoy being mortgage free (lucky!) and having money to spend on clubs, lessons, holidays and not stressing about money.

[duchessandscruffy]

I honestly don't think that even if we could afford it I would ever send my ds to private school, I would just move to an area with nice schools. The private education sector is just such a world away from what we are, it just is not 'Us' and it would be strange for ds to enter that world iyswim?

[WilsonFrickett]

The greatest gift you can give your children is your own independence.

Pay off the mortgage, sort out your pensions, have money put aside for your future care. Then think about schooling. And tbh I'd base the decision about schooling on what is best for your child, at that point. Let them finish their state primary and then see where you are. They may not even be bright enough for a selective school (sorry. But you do know that's why selective schools have such great results, right?). Go and look around the schools too - you may find their ethos clashes very much with yours. At the moment it's all theoretical, you need some hard info to make an informed decision.

[cantthinkofagoodone]

Pay off your mortgage and live a bit less frugally. You could pay for tuition if there was any shortfall. Amazing holidays and security for the future.

[MrsOakenshield]

absolutely don't send them to a second-rate private school, that would do them no favours at all.

So, you say you could pay off the mortgage but you'd still have to contribute to fees? Hmm. Paying off the mortgage is good, gives you all the security of owning the roof over your heads outright.

I am very indecisive over things like this. We are dithering over something similarish, have been for bloody months. We are very lucky, but knowing that doesn't help!

[dogindisguise]

I don't think my parents - well, my mum anyway - would have sent us to private school even if they'd been millionaires on reason of principle. In terms of exam results my sister and I both did very well although I like to think I could have done better at maths...

How old are your children? If they are very young I would question the value of going travelling. Everything is new and exciting for young children. DH and I are hoping to travel when he has retired.

I don't think you are BU to not go private if you have a good state school nearby. If your children know you value education, you motivate them, do interesting things with them, get them lots of books etc I'm sure they'll do well. There are plenty of advantages to state schooling.

Assuming DH keeps his job we could probably afford to go private (though it might screw up our retirement and we'd have less money to help the children in the future) but are not planning to do so as we have good local schools. This is partly reflected in the house price. We could have got a cheaper house near DH's work but I don't think the schools are much good there.

[AnnaRack]

If private ed isn't your thing, don't do it. There will be plenty of opportunities to spend this money in future - university fees, helping them buy a house, car etc. Also think of your own future - have you got a pension plan? Sorry to sound boring but best to sort out the important stuff before you think about travel.

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Personally, I'd pay off some of the mortgage and use the rest over the years for travel. Perhaps 2 or more foreign holidays a year if possible. Then again, I would always put any extra money into foreign holidays - I know others might go for more concrete options

[mummytime]

If you are talking about Thomas Telford it isn't quite as non-selective as it makes out.

BUT you can find very good Comprehensives in places as far apart as Durham, Guildford and Oxford. Don't forget if it is a real comprehensive not all pupils will get 5 A* to C's at GCSE, but even these pupils will hopefully achieve something and have opportunities.

[FishfingersAreOK]

My DH's 3 younger brothers went to private school as the state school he had gone to had been struggling so much. PIL really had to tighten belts in order to manage the fees. (DMIL got a job at the nursery school there to get the biggest discount available). DBIL told my DH that he would rather have gone to the crappy state school than live with the knowledge that the fees were big and a worry to his parents. And he said as a teenager it was really, really tough being "poor" at a private school. Mostly he understood why the ski trips and out of school clubs were not always a posisiblity due to financial issues - but as a self absorbed teenager sometimes it sucked. And other kids can be vile. BIL is in his 30s and is the most lovely person imaginable and incredibly grateful to his parents - they do not know that some of the experience was tough because of this lack of ready "wealth" IYSWIM.

I am not necessarily making total sense - but just trying to say he feels struggling to put children through private is not always the benefit you may think. He is grateful for it but parts were tough.

[Lottiedoubtie]

I'd probably pay off the mortgage. Save like mad and go private at either 13+ or 16+. (If money is tight dont go at 11+)

There is no way I'd blow it on travel. Your children can travel on gap years/throughout their 20s if they want- they cannot be educated twice.

[Weegiemum]

We could afford private ed for 3xdc (dh is a GP on 100k) but we've decided not to.

Partly so we can continue with music, art, sport as ex-c activities and have great holidays - just had time in Italy visiting roman sites eg Pompeii and climbing mt Vesuvius.

But the main reason for us is that the state school we use is a bilingual school (Scottish Gaelic/English) and honestly, you couldn't buy the education my dc get in the state system compared to the private sector. All 3 are fluent in a second language and its brilliant.

Private isn't always best.