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AIBU?

AIBU to contact a school about the behaviour of one of their pupils?

34 replies

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:20

Because the member of staff who took my phone call made me feel a little unreasonable. And grilled me rather a lot too.

DP walks past a high school on his way from work back to his car. Today, he was walking past not long after the end of the school day.

A young boy which DP estimated to be around year 7 age, in full uniform, grabbed the carrier bag of shopping which DP was carrying. He got it off DP, but DP's quick reflexes grabbed the boy and took the bag off him. The boy ran off making stupid noises.

When he got home, he told me about it. My own year 7 DS was sat in the room at the time. So I decided that it would be the right thing to do to contact the school to discuss the matter.

a) So that the school could remind their pupils on behaviour.

And b) To set an example to my own son - that people will not tolerate bad behaviour. (He has just started high school, and is walking too and from school).

Anyway, the purpose of my call was simply to inform the school that one of their pupils had behaved in this way, and could it please be addressed through assembly or a letter to pupils/parents. Whatever way they thought suitable. However they seemed rather perplexed by my call. They wanted to know the precise location of the incident, which side of the road it happened on. Wanted to know how tall the child was, what type of uniform they had on. I wasn't asking them to identify the child, merely asking them to bring it up to all the pupils whatever way they thought appropriate.

So WIBU to ring the school? We have no way of identifying the child, DP said he wouldn't be able to accurately describe or recognise him. But I think it would be important that the child know they haven't got away with the behaviour.

OP posts:

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AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 01:14

Yeah, sorry for going a bit off track there

My mate from the next year up at school was becoming a GM for the first time when I was having DD2.

That made me wonder if maybe I'd left it a bit too late (I didn't, DD2's bloody lovely).

hufflebottom · 14/09/2013 01:10

my dp's son is the same age as me. his gd is the same age as my dd

i would have phoned the school, even as a 'are you aware' sort of call. i've phoned when the little shites darlings have been playing football across a road.

ThisIsMummyPig · 14/09/2013 01:01

My DP passed his driving test before I started Junior school. Now that's freaky.

To get back to the OP though, you were right to call, but I probably wouldn't have done. I suspect the boy would have just thrown the shopping on the floor if he had got the bag, cackling all the while. Of course, the school may be worried that he's hungry and stealing food, or just wanting to identify him so they can keep an eye out.

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:59

'Anyway. He might be younger. But I look younger! So in your face DP! '

One person, years ago People think DH is older than me

Shaving takes 15 years off him though, so it depends on what day of the week it is.

ilovesooty · 14/09/2013 00:58

I agree with MrsMongoose If he can't identify the boy there seems little point in taking it further really.

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:56

'Ds1 is 11. DP was 12 when he was born.'

Hahahaha, yeah, that's freaky

It's not that much of a gap though, not that age gaps matter or anything, but it can mean a difference in expectations when it gets a little bigger.

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:54

He calls home alone 'old' and any 90's music.

Anyway. He might be younger. But I look younger! So in your face DP!

He bought booze in the supermarket. I was with him. They asked ME for ID!! Haaaaaaa!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:52

Fuck off with your self pity, I'm fucking 42!

I'm going to rub it in big style when DH hits 40 although I like the idea of being married to someone still in his 30's.

MrsMongoose · 14/09/2013 00:51

No point telling the whole school to behave over an anomaly incident. Sounds like they were identifying the kid to just punish/teach him a lesson. Quite right too.

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:51

Ds1 is 11. DP was 12 when he was born.

Now that freaks me out for sure!

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AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:50

I find it difficult face to face (not that it stops me - gobby) and would prefer the phone, so for a 'small' thing I'd probably not go if it meant huge amounts of stress.

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:50

Just.

Almost 29 :(

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TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:49

Secretary. She said she would pass it on to the deputy head. I gave my name and number in case they wanted to clarify anything!

I'd never let DS1 out the house again if I found out he was behaving like that!

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AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:48

How old are you? If that's not too rude it all hinges on your age.

DH is 4 years younger than me, and the thought that he was only 11 when I was 15, 14 when I was 19, is repulsive

ilovesooty · 14/09/2013 00:48

If I were the school I'd want to hear it first hand not from someone else. If he's an adult I don't see why it's helpful for him to pass responsibility to you all the time. I'd certainly expect the school to treat a direct communication more seriously

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:47

He just doesn't know how to deal with things like this. He seems to be learning.

Some people just find it difficult. He is one of them! We have had rows over his refusal to use the phone!

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GTbaby · 14/09/2013 00:47

Detective it was good to inform school. We get incidents reported to us about students and we take it seriously.
Did they take your number?
I agree they may have an idea of who dp "met" so may try to scare said child into confessing. Or maybe they decided to humour you do you know who you spoke to? Secretary? Head of yr 7.

Either way you did the right thing.

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:46

Well. Not a lot! But he is 23.

OP posts:

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:45

You can't do anyone for assault for taking their own bag back off someone! That's a bit ridiculous!

Maybe Agent. Either way a message needs to get to him some way that it won't be tolerated.

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AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:43

'He is a lot younger than me'

Oh aye??

Is it inappropriate of me to want an expansion of that?

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:42

He was with me while I made the call so I was able to answer all questions as he was there.

He can answer me but gets very flustered over the phone.

Knowing him, he would have put the phone down early in to the call! In fact, he wouldn't have even contacted the school.

I wanted to contact them as explained in my first post.

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AgentZigzag · 14/09/2013 00:41

Could it have just been I'm Young and it's Friday Afternoon arsing about?

He wasn't going to nick your DHs meat and tatey's and was being over exuberant?

For the DH to be done for assault OldBag, the lad would have to own up and admit to it

ilovesooty · 14/09/2013 00:40

I asked because surely the school would rather hear the facts from the person involved than from someone who wasn't there.

SpeccyBat · 14/09/2013 00:40

The school wheree I work take outside behaviour very seriously. Your ccomplaint would be acted upon OP! So no, YANBU.
Call back on monday afternoon, perhaps say that you expected someone who took your complaint a little more serious, to return your call.

TheDetective · 14/09/2013 00:39

My DP isn't as confident as me. He is a lot younger than me and absolutely hates speaking on the phone or dealing with a difficult issue.

OP posts:

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