To call the police about my own family?

[Famzilla]

I have posted some threads here about my incredibly toxic and abusive mother and how I am trying to go NC after a blowout Infront of my DD. It's a long long story but basically the whole time I'm NC with her my entire family won't talk to me either. It is something I have come to accept.

She hasn't gone quietly and keeps messaging me like nothing has happened.

When my nan died (from my biological fathers side, so nothing to do with our current family set up) she left me a lot of expensive jewellery. DM has always kept this in a safe as I couldn't be trusted not to sell it. Ridiculous as I'm in a professional job and get by just fine. This isn't a stealth boast or anything but I have quite a lot in savings so really don't need to sell it!

Anyways I asked for it back the other day. She has lost the key and has better things to do than find it apparently. Fine. She then messages me a few days later asking if I want some stuff she has bought for DD ( she always does this, she is incredibly generous as a way of getting you back 'on side' so to speak)

I say that the jewellery is more important and that we need to figure out how to open the safe. You see, DP and I are getting married in 6 weeks and I really wanted to wear my nans wedding ring. DM doesn't know we're getting married as she shit all over our original wedding plans so we're just doing it our way. 2 witnesses, nice lunch afterwards etc.

Anyways, she has unleashed a torrent of abuse. Saying that if I'm going to be petty she wants everything she has ever given us back. Including Christmas presents, DD's pram, cot, everything. And the dog. (we took the dog from her because she was breeding it to death and admitted she couldn't take care of her properly as her other dogs were attacking her. We adore our dog but she cost us £1000's in vet bills & getting her spayed etc so I really wouldn't view her as a gift)

She is saying that my dad will drive round and take everything. I have no doubt that he will, my family have form for doing stuff like this. I am terrified.

I know this is all very Jeremy Kyle.

My SF and DB have been texting me the most horrendous abuse all morning. Both outlining how much they've always hated me and how DM was the only one that made them be civil to me. I havent replied but it just keeps coming. I'm just sat here in tears.

Now, my point is.. Can they come and take all my things? It was all a gift. I'm so terrified they will come down here and smash doors to get to things. I'm scared they'll hurt me Infront of DD.

Can I call the police? Will they let them take things because they bought it? They won't come right now, they'll just turn up at a random time soon.

Sorry this is all so jumbled.

[CaptainCapybara]

In your shoes I would call the police and look into restraining orders, how awful that you feel threatened in your own home and that your own brother would hurt you and your baby.

[roguepixie]

What a horrible situation for you.

As far as I am aware they cannot 'take back' gifts given to you. As someone upthread said, they would need to prove you had stolen said items in order to get them back. The onus is on them to prove that you obtained the items through fraudulent means/loans with them etc -and obviously they can't do that.

Wrt the jewelry - the items will be listed in the will as will your Nan's wish to have them left to you - therefore you could argue that your property is being withheld from you illegally. However, given what you have said it would not be as surprise to find the jewelry has gone.

You really need to speak to the police. You can turn up to the desk where the duty sergeant will process your complaint, however, I would be tempted to phone them stating your worries that they will break into your home. 101 for non emergency but 999 if they turn up to hurl abuse/break in. Get your camera out and photograph away - video on mobile as well - it's all admissible in Court.

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding, enjoy your day and stay strong with regards to these toxic people. You do not need them and are so much better off without them. They need you around to be their whipping boy - don't let them - you have your family now.

Good luck.

[EasyMark]

Hi just to note you should know there is a thread in relationships called dysfuncional families, but we took you to stately homes.

The posters there have gone thru similiar and can give great advice and support.

I know what you are feeling right now and its not nice and shouldnt have to put up with it now you are an adult.

Its the fear and the waiting for them to come that reduce us to wobbleing messes but we are mot children and what they are doing is illegal. Call the police and cut all contact its the only way never to feel that fear again :(

[Sallyingforth]

Yes to 101 and get the police to record the problem. Get a reference number.
Yes to a free 30 minute chat with a lawyer. S/he will probably suggest a letter to them saying cease contact or else. That will cost a little but far quicker than a court injunction and a good first step. If they ignore it then report again to the police - they will probably visit them and give firm advice.
Yes to leaving FB and anything else they can use to follow you.
Yes to forgetting about the jewellery for the moment until the immediate threat has been sorted.

[Famzilla]

Thanks for your messages.

I called 101 and someone is coming to the house soon.

Have blocked them all on Facebook. Mum is still messaging me saying she's going to "wipe the floor" with me and that my dad & brother are coming for the car.

The car was a birthday present to both of us, and a freebie which has just been passed round the whole family (uncles, cousins etc).

Unfortunately we px the car last weekend. What with it being ours & all..

Fuck.

[12thDoctorsCompanion]

is it true shes lost the key or just wants to keep it for herself thinking SHELL sell it?

im with all the posters here.

funny, cos i was just thinking today i wish i could get my 'family' for defamation of character as theyre always badmouthing me. really slandering and accusing.

go for it, OP.

[sheridand]

She probably doesn't want to give you the jewellery because it was given to you, not her. We had a similar situation, where my nan said I could pick from her box, and lo! When I got there, 'twas all gone, bar the costume stuff. Luckily, I loved her costume stuff and was willing to accept the cock and bull about a "robbery" from my relatives. I'm saying; the jewels are not the issue. Your nana loved you, you know it ( mine cared for me too), pick or negotiate for a memory piece ( I got a big bling 40's tat brooch), get out. It's not worth it.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Glad to hear the police are taking this seriously. Make sure you show them all records of abusive messages etc as these will all count towards them being charged with harassing you. Family or not, this is what they are doing.

They can't just turn up and take things from your house - and a gift is a gift, not something to be recalled at random. Everything they've given to you is still rightfully yours.

With regard to the jewellery, who was the executor of the will? There must have been a solicitor involved at some point. If you haven't received what was left to you legally (have you actually seen the will itself?) then there are channels to go through to recover this. However, that may not be in time for the wedding (congrats btw).

It sounds as though your family are entirely toxic and you have moved onwards and upwards in the world, in spite of them. You must be a very strong person and you will get through this. Good luck.

[Famzilla]

DM had nothing to do with my nan, aside from polite chitchat at pick up & drop off.

Her own mother is still alive but they have been NC for years. Although they still send each other birthday and Christmas gifts, very weird setup.

You know I don't even think she has sold it, it's just the last stick she has to beat me with. She now says she'll give it to me if I give back everything she has ever bought or given me (including the dog). From what I can gather, the law is on my side though and if I have to forsake some jewellery to give the dog a half decent life, then that's what has to happen!

[Ezio]

You cant demand gifts back, if you give them willing, they cant take anything, so dont worry about that.

I suggest you do as someone suggested, get restraining orders and go NC.

[CruCru]

That sounds awful. Lets hope they come round when the policemen are there and get arrested.

[quoteunquote]

screen shot all messages.

[CruCru]

Did they say when you could expect the police to come round?

[AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat]

What a horrible woman.

I would:
--Tell the police about the threats, showing visual evidence from your phone/FB etc. Also tell them about things they have done in the past so they know how serious the threat is.
--Delete Facebook, obviously after showing the messages.
--Get your house as secure as possible. Double locks, maybe some barrier to the windows (metal, perhaps?) also an alarm system may be good. Perhaps if it could go straight to the police or a company. If the alarm goes off when they are breaking in, I doubt they would continue knowing neighbours/the police are already on their way.

I hate to say it but they sound like complete chavs and I hate that word but can't think of what other word would suit them. People that like throwing their weight about. Thugs, basically. You don't need to be involved with that - blood isn't always thicker than water and your daughter definitely doesn't need to witness this.

They don't get to meet their granddaughter/niece etc - tough shit, they should've acted like civilised human beings, not Neanderthals (that's insulting Neanderthals as they act on pure instinct).

I really feel for you OP.
Keep safe

[Famzilla]

Yeah, I know what you mean. They're always telling me how I think I'm better than them because I don't do the things they do or act like them. I never have, probably because I spent a lot of time at my grandparents who were very 'proper'.

Well, the police have been and gone. Reassured me that it is highly unlikely they could take the dog. Logged the harassment, said to call 999 if they turned up.

Now just sitting here, pretty numb. Wishing they would just leave me alone.

[YoniMitchell]

What horrors Famzilla! You've done the right thing in blocking them on FB and speaking to the police. I have no real advice, but wanted to echo the support you've been given here.

[kali110]

Famzilla you ARE better than them. Sorry other poster chav is too nice a word for them!
They cannot take gifts back. Is the car registered to you now?what does px mean in regards to the car?
Glad you've reported it all to the police.
I do agree with other posters that no matter how hard but i would give up the jewellery.
Also please give your dogs to trusted friends for week or so for its safety x

[carlywurly]

Christ, they sound absolutely evil. You shouldn't have to live in fear of your own family. For you.

[BabylonReturns]

What an awful situation, I'm angry for you op :(

[AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat]

Trust me you ARE better than them.
But honestly, that's not difficult with the way they behave, is it?
Just thank your lucky stars you grew up with normal people, OP.
It's like my partners family are completely nasty gits half the time and I am so glad that he was away most of his childhood except out of term time, otherwise he could've turned out like them.
Glad the police have came and given you some assurances and taken your complaint seriously.
Definitely call them if they come around. Have them on speed dial if needs be.
I am sorry you have to even be put through this when you should be enjoying time with your wonderful little girl.

[travailtotravel]

If you're worried about various things like the car, can you temporarily put them somewhere else while this blows over?!

[Plomino]

Famzilla , have you got a cordless landline phone ? Thinking practically , if you have , keep them all charged , and make sure you always have one in your pocket if at home . That way , if you have to dial 999 in an emergency , the landline's immediately traceable even if you can't say anything . Getting subscribers details for mobiles takes a little bit longer , so delays help being able to get to you .

Did the police mention a panic alarm ? Because if you were one of my reports , I'd certainly be asking for one . I'd also be moving your dog even temporarily .

What a nasty bunch of bastards .

[Revengeofkarma]

Ugh. I did say on the other thread it would get worse before it got better, and a huge part of the reason is simply it worked before. If they turned up and broke down doors, whatever, and you're still talking to them then this is all just an extreme power play to show you who is in charge. The big surprise waiting for them is thatYOU are now in charge, and good on you for it.

Which is not to say I don't think they'll do what you say, quite the contrary. The difference is (and this is huge) this time you're empowered and the police are involved. My sad suspicion is they'll be involved further, at which point you HAVE (and I cannot stress this enough) to follow through, even though they will put even more pressure on you to drop the charges, whatever. If you think this is bad, it will be exponentially worse if you back down at that point. This has to be the point where anyone who watches Star Trek says "We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they've done!" Ok, maybe not the last sentence. But that's the only part up for debate.

They're bullies, and abusive bullies at that. The only thing they will respond to is effectively a bigger bully (the police) saying no, this is not acceptable, and we mean it.

I think she has the jewellery. Total power play. A solicitor's letter saying "hand it over or be done for theft" will result in either the key being miraculously produced or a court order for them to pay for a locksmith to bust it open. Lying in the court never goes down well.

When they do produce the jewellery, have it delivered to the lawyers office. You don't need to see them when it happens.

Lawyers ain't nothing but hired guns, baby. And nothing makes lawyers happier than actually getting justice for the little guy. So use them. This is pretty straightforward and thus cheap as legal costs go. And if it goes to court (which is the expensive bit, the losing side pays the winner's costs.)

If you want to keep using FB, in addition to blocking it, consider setting it up with a name change ora different email address to give an extra layer of security.

[Revengeofkarma]

Oh, and for the four other dogs staying with her? RSPCA.