To be angry at SIL for dangling DD?

[LittleRedDinosaur]

We met up with SIL and family today at an attraction with a viewing platform which was probably the equivalent of 1 storey high. SIL carried 10 month old DD up and lifted her so her legs were dangling over the side. She had her arm around her waist and then said something like "your mummy and daddy think I'm going to drop you!". Her husband made a jokey comment about the Michael Jackson baby dangling thing.

IABU to have internally freaked out about that? DH immediately went to get her back as he could see I wasn't happy. I didn't say anything as I think they already think I'm massively PFB with DD because I don't leave her to cry it out ever.

Was I being too protective?!?

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Glad you feel more confident OP let's hope she doesn't try anything like this in the future

[Callani]

Well my stomach's turned at the thought of dangling a child over a railing like that so YA Definitely NBU

Well done for not rising to it though, as she was definitely baiting you on purpose.

[bootsycollins]

Excellent

[LittleRedDinosaur]

Thanks everyone. So glad I wasn't being unreasonable. I'm pretty sure you're all right re her goading me to react. Pleased I didn't but I do now feel more confident to firmly put her in her place next time she tries something like this.

[Lweji]

If a SIL did that to my baby, it would be the last time she touched him.

Particularly with the comments.

[pigsDOfly]

What a spiteful bitch. She wants to appear like the experienced mother who knows what's she's doing and can be casual and laid back around children. Stupid cow. No doubt she was waiting for you to freak out and then she would probably have gone on to try to make you look like an hysterical first time mother.

Well done for not letting her goad you OP. But as others have said, do try to keep her away from your baby in future.

Have confidence in yourself and your instincts and don't be afraid of speaking up. You have the right to keep your baby safe.

[BergholtStuttleyJohnson]

YANBU. I don't get why anyone would risk this. Some people treat babies like dolls and not actual humans. If she'd fallen she could be seriously injured or worse. Your Sil is a nasty twat.

[bootsycollins]

That's it, show her your in charge and her attempts at manipulating situations to get a reaction won't be tolerated or ignored by you. You kept your cool when she dangled your baby girl so I'm sure that you can keep your cool in future with her. Say exactly what you mean to her, she's a shithouse who uses sly tactics so she won't know how to react when you give it to her straight. It'll be really self affirming and a good self confidence boost for you to apply your assertiveness and once you've done it a few times it does get easier. What a nasty piece of work she is, can you imagine doing this with sils baby?, new mums are vulnerable and need nurturing and supporting to make the transition into motherhood smoother. Sils actively trying to fuck with you by using your dd and when you think of it like that it's really sinister isn't it?.

[LittleRedDinosaur]

Bootsy, you are totally right. Will attempt to keep my cool but not be pushed over either. Thank you

[bootsycollins]

Arw Red Sil sounds a right one. Don't give the bitch an inch, if she says/does anything innapropriate pull her up on it immediately. How could you upset your lovely dh by defending yourself? it's Sil going out of her way to cause trouble not you. Don't ever let that bitch make you doubt yourself or put you down, if you deal with her assertively and she doesn't succeed at goading you into a meltdown she'll soon get bored and start ignoring you.

[googietheegg]

What the FUCK!!! That is so wrong in so many ways. What a bitch.

[5Foot5]

My FIL did this with my DS1 when he was about 9 months old, held him sitting on a balcony on the first floor.

My FIL did the same with DD when she was about 2yo but when he saw the expression on my face he immediately brought her down and apologised. I am sure he had a good grip on her but could tell I was unhappy and was nice enough to respect my feelings on this.

[Dubjackeen]

Bloody hell, YANBU. What a stupid thing to do. I wouldn't let her hold the baby again, any time soon. Keep well clear, is my advice, and ignore her opinions re your baby.

[lizzzyyliveson]

Is she your brother's wife or your husband's sister? Either way, I would 'share the joke' with whichever Grandma of your child she is related to. Hopefully she will get her ears boxed put straight.

[Ezio]

Little You dont have to put up with her shittiness, if you dont want too!

[LittleRedDinosaur]

Thank you all!

I'm starting to care less and less about whether SIL thinks I'm over protective. She is a bit of a strange one. There are a few other occasions where she has upset me (made me give DD's first Christmas presents to her own children to open last Christmas and told me that I "must be doing something wrong" as DD is a bit of a nightmare sleeper) but I try not to say anything as DH is lovely and I don't want it to upset him

It's good to be able to discuss here without causing some sort of family rift!

[MissDD1971]

what an evil witch. to dangle ANYONE let alone a child is awful.

I'd have thumped her or at least shot her evils. And snatched my little daughter out of harms way.

how anyone can think that's funny is beyond me. nasty woman

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

I come from the so relaxed i'm horizontal line of parenting but that made me shudder. 10 month olds love doing that rigid back thing (often when trying to strap them into a buggy...) I don't even want to imagine what could have happened if your child decided it was a good idea to fling her legs and back straight.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

[oldgrandmama]

Nasty thing for her to do - you definitely weren't being unreasonable. Bet you won't let her touch your little one again!

[Svrider]

Just from another perspective
I have 3 DC, and my sil has a PFB of 6mo
Whenever were out and about together I try and make sure that my sil is happy and confident with what I'm doing with the baby
(Eg is he ok to have a go on the baby slide etc)

This is because I like my sil and respect her as the mum

Yanbu

I'd keep her at arms length from the DC tbh

[phantomnamechanger]

Bloody hell she's unhinged! and YES she was spitefully enjoying GOADING you too, cos she Knew you would feel panicked/uneasy

why why why take the RISK of them wriggling, protesting or just slipping - when the consequences could be so drastic.

[bigTillyMint]

I agree, she is baiting you. What a totally stupid thing to do. Accidents happen, and even with no accident, anyone with half an ounce of empathy would know that would be torturous for a parent to watch. YADNBU

[Ezio]

Agreed PFB is a load of shit, when dealing with the situation that could have the worst result possible.

Steer well clear of SIL, what a bitch to do such a thing.

I know full well that young babies can be quite strong, when holding my 4 month old niece at the dinner table, she suddenly turned and nearly out of my arms.

[fluffyraggies]

piano you're right. It's sad when people titter about women and their 'PFB'.

The first time any of us do anything we have to take it carefully and do it by the book. Worrying about how we appear to others on top of that is only going to cause upset.

I always remember sitting trying not to cry when my newborn DD1 was being passed round a ring of relatives whilst screaming for me. I feel awful about it to this day (she's 20!) but i can forgive myself as a very young first time mum without the courage to go with my instincts and get her back :( Would never in a million years have put DDC 2 and 3 through that. The Tiger Mother had been revealed in me by then

[pianodoodle]

Listen, you should ignore people talking about 'PFB' when you have your first small baby. If you have an instinctive response to a situation with your baby, you should act on it.

This! PFB is a load of old bollocks it's a baby ffs you're supposed to want to keep them safe!