To send ds2 (YR in Sept) to school with a Peppa Pig backpack and pink lunchbox?

[lecce]

I am getting increasingly worried about ds2 starting school next week. He is only just four and seems very young for his age, though in terms of skills he is doing fairly well and recognises sounds, letters and numbers. He is very shy, though settled in well at nursery (we moved earlier this year) and will be joined by some of his classmates. I work f/t and dh is a sahd and illness this year has meant we haven't done any playdates at all with people from our new area. However, we had a party for ds2 and most of those invited attended and he has been invited to a party next week.

Ds has an obsession with pink and all things sparkly and glittery. He adores Hello Kitty (though has never seen the show - I didn't know there was one until recently) he just likes the look of the the products. He wore a tutu to his party and has long, blond, curly hair.

He has a Peppa Pig backpack (though it actually has George on it in a rocket) and last week chose a shocking pink Sistema lunckbox, like ds1's geen one, to go in it. I feel so stupid for feeling like this but, having read through a thread on Chat earlier, I am worrying that this is going to make it difficult for him to fit in. Tbh, I have only been to the school a handful of times and dh doesn't notice this kind of stuff so it is hard for me to gauge whether it's the kind of school where this will matter.

He is very excited about starting school and, when we bought his 'big boy' black shoes last week he put them on with his lurid pink Hello Kitty socks and strutted around. I told him he wouldn't be able to wear the socks to school and he said, "What would people think?" which made me sad because it seemed like he felt I was saying other people won't like him because of the choices he makes - though I was actually thinking of the uniform.

Anyway, sorry to waffle. Should I be more actively steering him away from the pink and the glittery, as well as pre-school-type stuff, or not? An added complication is that backpack was a birthday gift from mil and dh (who I'm not getting on well with atm) will be furious if I suggest it's not suitable for school.

[thegreylady]

The backpack will be fine...the pink sparkly lunch box not. My dgs loved pink and is coming up to YR next week-he was 4 in Feb. His brother is 6 and told him it was OK to have pink socks at home but at school some big boys might tease him and make him sad. He is quite pragmatic about it and announced,"It's only socks, I'll wear my red ones." Why make life difficult for him?

[skrumle]

both my kids have had opposite-gender interests, particularly at age 4-5.

if it's any comfort, my DS has worn a butterfly hair clasp and a bright multi-coloured bangle to school and had no comments that he repeated to us, not aware of any issues.

i think you have to be prepared to deal with issues but if it's what he really wants i wouldn't stop him on the basis of what might happen.

[CockyFox]

I then asked DS about boys and pink lunch boxes and he said "well of course, but its not for me"

[CockyFox]

I've just asked my children about this, the conversation was interesting.

Me "DD (age 3) could a boy take a peppa pig bag to school"
DD "(giggles) no, its for girls"
DS (age 7) " (whilst rolling eyes) err yes, sone boys like Peppa especially little ones"

[birdynumnums]

I would send the George backpack but to be honest, if he is shy, I wouldn't send the pink lunch box. Even my just turned 5 year old son who is very young for his age would probably ask why he had a pink lunch box and it would be horrible if it damaged his confidence. As he's obviously a Peppa fan, I'd probably find him a George lunch box instead so he is still thrilled with his new stuff?

My 3 year old loves pink things too, always chooses girls things. I let him get on with it at home but probably will draw the line at sending him to reception with them because he is quite timid. If he was headstrong and confident and likely to back himself up, that would be a different story.

[lecce]

Thank you for all the replies.

It is so sad that these gender stereotypes seem to become so entrenched so early. I remember ds1 coming home from nursery and saying, "Pink is for girls." I was livid - goodness knows how ds2 would have got on there.

I am very much prepared to be led by him and think I will do what may have suggested - let him take it but be prepared to replace it whenever he wants. My main concern is that he is so shy. He has bags of character at home, of course, but I can't see him retorting to any negative comments - not in the near future, anyway.

CailinDana Many thanks for your post - it really gave me food for thought. I have certainly never been catsbum or openly critical about his preferences, but may have been apologetic. I guess I must have given some subtle signals that his choices worry me for him to make the comment he did . Anyway, I am enormously proud of him and love the way he looks and all his little idiosyncrasies. I will make sure I make this clearer to him - without forcing him into being 'different' if he decides he doesn't want to be anymore - fuck, this parenting business is hard .

Oh, and btw, his hair is not long enough to tie back (I know I gave that impression ). It is to his chin and wouldn't get in the way of anything. A girl with hair of a similar length wouldn't need to tie it back.

[ladythatlunches]

When my dd1 started school a little boy in her class was like this, if there was a birthday party he would come as a cheerleader from high school musical, no one ever said anything and still don't, they are going into year 3 and he does dance and ballet, he is such a lovely boy and the other kids just except him for how heis

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I also agree with Lizzie that what is cool or not cool becomes more of an issue in Year 2 or 3

[JerseySpud]

Mrsterry at the moment DD1 has a love of star wars and mythbusters as well as girly things and sneaks down to watch fireman sam. (shes 6)

dd2 refuses to play with 'girls' toys atm and onl wants to play with fireman sam toys (shes 2)

I don't see it as fail, i see it as nerdy kids are the best :D

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

change , not chance

[Dahlen]

Glad I could help Mrs TP.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

.. sorry, and I agree that whilst you might wish to completely avoid the issue by not letting him have it, it might be best to see what happens and then see what he decides.

Some children will chance in response to others, some will not. Some will skillfully negotiate a middle way

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I agree with TheOriginalSteamingNit

At some point someone will say something. And not necessarily because they are a bully but because they are repeating what pretty much ALL little boys and girls hear at some point: "Pink is for girls, blue is for boys" (or they've heard it from their unimaginative parents).

[hettienne]

I disagree with some of the responses that it won't be noticed - it might well be noticed. 3-5 year olds can be very fixed in their ideas of what is appropriate behaviour for boys and girls, and can be ruthless at maintaining gender boundaries (even if they haven't got it from home!).

So, I would be prepared that other children might tell him it's a girls' bag/pink is a girl colour or whatever. He might be confident enough to front it out and it won't matter, or he might change his mind about it and want "boy stuff".

[LynetteScavo]

Similar thread

I was actaully at some of the responses on there.

From what I understand from four and five year olds, Peppa Pig is considered totally unisex (unlike Hello Kitty).

When a five year old says "You are wearing girls clothes." They are not bullying, they are simply making an observation, based on their knowledge. If they have been taught by the adults in their lives that pink is for girls, then that is what they will believe. Pink is no longer considered "girly" as it's a fashionable colour with boys, although Hello Kitty and Disney Princesses are still, by most considered to be for girls.

[CuttedUpPear]

Go for it.

I used to tell my DCs "Pink does not belong to girls"

DS had pink flowery wellies at your DS's age. Woe betide any family member who thought to comment negatively on them

[halcyondays]

if it is George Pig in a rocket then it is aimed at boys and probably won't be considered babyish at that age. but I wouldn't be surprised if other children asked him why he had a pink lunchbox.

[BrokenSunglasses]

I would let him take the pink stuff when he starts, but be prepared to change it soon after he starts and offer him the opportunity to shop for new stuff when he has settled in. Other children won't notice at the start, they will be going through the big change that is starting school themselves, so I think you'd be very unlucky to come across another child that would comment at the start.

I work in reception, and I do think it will be noticed and commented upon negatively at some point by children in his own class when they have all had a chance to get to know each other.

Long curly hair really won't help him I'm afraid. Long hair on boys is often a problem when they start school, mainly because they don't tie it back or wear hair bands like girls do so it tends to get in the way when they are sitting at a desk and looking down to do work. I'd get it cut for that reason anyway, but also because some boys won't want to play with a boy that they see as being quite girly.

I know it shouldn't matter, I know a 4yo should be able to wear what they and their parents like and in an ideal world it wouldn't even be noticed. But we don't live in an ideal world and with children going into a school environment at such a young age, it could well make a difference.

[catkind]

DS is 4 and also starting school, he also loves pink. He's had a few comments from his peers already. He seems quite happy to stand up for his preferences so far, even though he's generally quite timid.
His school is a new one so no older kids and probably very few older sibs, I'm hoping that will hold the stereotypes off for a bit longer.

[BeautifulBlondePineapple]

I think it depends how independent and headstrong he is, how much he would stand up to other children and how much other people's opinions bother him.

My DS1 is quite a softie - (not v physical, very emotional, loved playing babies & mummies & daddies), and he also loved pink when he was that age, but he wanted a pink lunchbox for starting school and I was concerned about the bullying aspect from older kids.

I made a deal with him that he could start school with a red one (pink is made up from red so that placated him!) and if he still wanted pink after Christmas then he could have a pink one then.

On starting school he changed his favourite colour to green almost overnight (there was an incident that he only told me about months later). I was a bit sad about how quickly the peer pressure had got to him, but he was and is still a happy boy.

[WorraLiberty]

Reception kids are toddlers (I despair over how young they are when the start in this country, separate topic) - I can't imagine anyone giving him any grief.

Reception kids are not toddlers they are 4 and 5 year old children...some of whom can be quite clued up.

OP, I think he may be ok but if I were you I'd let him guide you.

So one day if he comes home from school saying he wants a different lunch box etc...just let him change it rather than insisting that he shouldn't take any notice of other kids.

Of course he shouldn't take notice of other kids' opinions, but all the same he might.

[onetiredmummy]

I can't see a problem with the back pack , but as others have said you may run into problems mid term with classmates' comments. You have said he is shy, how is he likely to react to peers who say his bag/socks/pants are babyish? I know we all try to raise our children in non gender biases but sadly there will be children in his class with the 'pink is for girls' mentality & in my experience with DS1's class those those children are also the ones who shout the loudest & draw everyone's attention to said babyish items.

You may also have to tie back his hair.

[labelwriter]

DD goes to a big school in London and there is a boy there who often comes to parties in a pink dress and has a pink rucksack etc. He is a really popular boy with lots of friends. I think it will be fine.

[CailinDana]

Should add peers have much more influence as children get older.