to bfeed dd to sleep

[fuglychicken]

Actually I am fully aware that its unresonable of me. I have created the giant rod for my own back and I feel I have actually done dd (21mnths) a massive disservice.

My dd will not/ cannot go to sleep at night without me cuddleing and bfeeding her to sleep. We have coslept from the beggining purely for convieniance as dd seemed happier and more settled resulting in a better night sleep for us all (me, dh and dd)

Now dd is coming upto 2, we want to give her indepedence and just to be able to self settle abit. I hate the thought that if something was to happen to me, dd wouldnt be able to cope with a normal situation of just going to sleep and would be so upset

I am not explaining myself verry well but I hope you get the general gist of what I mean....

Aibu to ask for help from you all? X

[Whothefuckfarted]

Okay great

[farthingwood]

She is a step child as I said, and attachment parenting is favourable in my opinion.
As you were.

[Whothefuckfarted]

It says on there you don't even live with your partner..

I may be mistaken, but I don't think I am..

[Whothefuckfarted]

No you don't farthing

You don't have any children yet.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/a1815087-So-very-broody-need-some-sense-talking-into-me

[farthingwood]

I'm not being sarcastic, my step daughter co-sleeps with us and she is 7 and it's fine.

[Whothefuckfarted]

farthing

Nice sarcasm.

OP doing what you feel is right won't result in your DD being in your bed until she's 7.. or 10.. or 17..

[farthingwood]

Don't beat yourself up for following your intuition, it feels natural to do so and the right thing, if you want your dd in the bed until she is 7 go for it don't let society dictate.

[Whothefuckfarted]

I have created the giant rod for my own back and I feel I have actually done dd (21mnths) a massive disservice.

This grates my shit. That's not you saying that. It's society.

You have not done anything wrong at all. You will be giving your baby the confidence and reassurance to be independent when she is ready. Feel proud of your decisions and do what feels right for you and your baby.

[SkinnyDecaffGiraffe]

Is fine well and good and lovely ( my dd1) until it stops working properly or they wake every sleep cycle wondering where your nipple is (my dd2).

This happened to me and it meant my dc2 was sleeping badly and I was unable to do anything other than wait for her wake up. This was a disservice to her me and the rest of the family.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

YANBU - I do that with my 15 month old and its lush. Each to their own and I'm sure our little ones won't still be doing this when they're 12. (Hopefully.......)

[Justshabbynochic]

No way, Chicken, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable! You are, in my humblest of opinions, one of the best types of momma's out there: nurturing, giving, self-less. You are providing her the ultimate best start to life. (And I don't mean breastmilk, y'all, before you jump on my back saying I'm being FF-ist!) I mean, you're giving her the best start to life by giving herself yourself.

[Morloth]

Nothing wrong with BFing her to sleep.

Just snuggle her close for as long as you can.

[midori1999]

Feed her to sleep if you're happy to. Before you know it she'll outgrow it.

My DD is 26 months and until recently I almost always fed her to sleep. She coped fine for a week while I was in hospital and nursed as soon as I got home and then a month or so ago we tried putting her in her cot awake and she was fine. Tonight she woke crying and I asked DZh to bring her to me so I could nurse her back to sleep (I'm 30 weeks pregnant with pelvic pain so it's difficult to pick her up) and he came back without her as when he asked if she wanted to go back to sleep she said yes and he put her light show on and off she went. After months of wishing she'd go to sleep by herself, I can't help but feel a little sad that she is growing up so fast.

[NoComet]

Find something to do one night a week and leave her and DH/DP to it. She'll be fine.

My total bottle and milk refusing DD2, would let me go swimming by making supper yoghurt and a feeding cup of dilute squash from about 8 months. Basically as soon as we found a valved cup she could use.

Rest of the week she BF to sleep quite often for many years after she stared school.

[OneLaundryBaskettoRuleThemAll]

Bfing my just turned 2 year old while reading this. I figure she'll tell me when she's had enough of it.

[Caboodle]

YANBU - did it with all 3 of mine for first 11 months, then when I stopped bf still cuddled them to sleep; could never understand how not to as they always fell asleep whilst I was feeding. With DS1 and DS2 I decided at about 2 years to get them to sleep alone - easy as pie - but with DD I left it later (2 1/2) (my baby, I wanted the cuddles). Used controlled crying for 2 nights...bloody awful....but then started to get results. As she was older I could talk to her and (try to) negotiate.
Be clear in your reasons for doing it and, once you have decided, stick to your guns.

[picklechops]

I'm breast feeding my 27 month old now. We both love it. If it works for you, do it. There's not many 17 year olds out there who struggle to sleep without being latched on. It'll all sort out in time

[MikeOxard]

Yanbu. I bf my dd to sleep until roughly that age. It worked for everyone. When i had a hospital stay for a night she was fine without it, i was surprised. About that age i changed the routine to bf in my bed (after bath and getting pjs on), then teeth then cuddle reading a story, then in cot. After that she dropped the feed altogether after not too long.

To ease the change we did an iterim routine of reading story towards the end of the bf, to get her used to the fact that the end of the story was when she would go in the cot.

I don't think you have made a rod at all, sounds like everyone is and has been very happy with bedtime in your house, well done!

[SteepApproach]

I just fed my 3 year old to sleep again after a nightmare. Lovely sleepy bf hormones. :-)

So, YANBU. You've been doing whatever gets the best night's sleep for all of you. That's great! She can and will develop the independence to self-settle. You can train it if you need to I guess and that is of course your choice, but you seem to feel that you ought to, rather than need to.

I also wondered what mine would do without me for a night. Turns out that at 2, she went to sleep later with her dad cuddling her. Now she's older, she will go to sleep by herself if she's tired enough, but bf is still the magic 'off' switch.

We recently stopped co-sleeping because she announced she wanted her own bed the moment she turned 3. Oh, and everyone remarks on how independent she is. :-)

[Tailtwister]

YANBU and you haven't done her a disservice at all. Both mine have bf to sleep until just over 3 and have gradually reduced their dependence on me from then.

When I went into hospital to have DS2, DS1 was just over 2 and he coped fine with cuddles from Granny. He continued to bf for over a year after that and it worked for us. It was easy because it was natural and not forced.

You are talking about a child who isn't even 2 yet. If you want to change things because it's no longer working then that's fine, but don't force things simply because you think you should.

[spots]

It might not work for everyone but I found singing to them helped bridge the gap between feeding to sleep and, um, not feeding to sleep. I'd sing lullabye type stuff while feeding and then unlatch while still singing, initially after they'd dropped off but gradually allowing them a little more awareness until I was essentially b/feeding first, then singing them to sleep. It was gradual, it was easy and it was nice. I say it might not work for everyone but actually I could get quite evangelical about it.

[Debs75]

This was me a couple of years ago. I bfed dd2 to sleep from birth until she was 3 and a half. The other 3 were not a problem but she would still be bfed to sleep at 5 years, in fact she is a struggle to settle now but I think that is just her, she is very clingy and easily unsettled.

If you enjoy it then do it. It might be an idea though to try and get her to settle with someone else so you can have a break. That is what got to me.

[Rootatoot]

I believe in each to their own. Lots of people swear by sleep training but it wasn't for me and ds. I do think we're made to feel we've done it wrong if they don't self settle etc but I know I felt much happier when I accepted the do whatever it takes to get as much sleep as poss attitude.

A kind person on mn told me I should realise I made a choice to parent the way I have and that's fine.

Ds is now 2 and has recently stopped wanting to cosleep. He still wakes up but I can resettle him though sometimes this is still with bfeeding. We'll get there. I am quite sure tho that if I had to leave him in someone else's care overnight now it'd be ok.

Good luck but do it how u feel happy.

[fuglychicken]

Thankyou so much for advice so far. I have posted on the other topics before but usually only get 1 or 2 replys if any at all. I realise its abit naughty but thought id chance it over here for the traffic.

I have tried to put her in her own room in a cot before with horrible results

We did usual bath, book the song then then put her in the cot.. left her to cio for 5 minutes, went back into the room and dd was histerical, she had blood all over her teethe, chin and mouth. It was absolutly sould destroying knowing id left my baby in such a state alone in the dark. So we went back to current arrangement...

[Apileofballyhoo]

Well said, flats. I fed DS to sleep till he was over 3. Stopping was not in anyway dramatic and I can't even really remember what I said to him, but we just cuddled to sleep instead. No problem at all. DH or I still lie or sit on the bed with him most nights till he's asleep, but he can go to sleep by himself too.