How do you deal with well meaning relatives feeding your DC crap all the time?

[Reality]

I am generally of the 'nod and smile' persuasion, but it's getting a bit much. Worse this week and last because it's the holidays, I supppose.

I have my mum, who we see most days, who just loves to offer them chocolate biscuits and crisps throughout the day, and will give them pudding after every meal regardless of how much food they've eaten (we don't really do dessert in this house, and especially not after they've turned their noses up at dinner). We've just been on holiday together and they were given money for sweets every day, and DS1 (nearly 11) had an adult dessert in every restaurant. I mind less because it was a holiday, but it is standard Nanny behaviour and they pretty much expect to get treats when they see her, which irks me.

And then SIL, who we see less of, but still at least once a week. It's a bit of a joke that she tries to stuff as much crap into DS2 (almost 2) as possible. We left him with her for fifteen minutes yesterday while we took the older two on a ride, and came back to him eating a back of fucking Wotsits because 'he was clearly hungry'. Every time we see her she brings bags of sweets for the children, and on the rare occasions she has DS2 (she offers to have him while I'm at the hairdessers, for eg) she'll take him to MacDs and then the sweet shop. Recently when we bumped into her in town she took DD off to MacDs, randomly, at 10am on a Tuesday, after taking her to Claire's to look at jewellery (which is all I thought they were doing).

Is there any same way of dealing with this without blowing a gasket? I have tried subtle, it no worky.

Or is it one of those things I need to rise above? I am not in any way precious about their diets, they eat a varied fare, but it gets a bit skewed in favour of unmitigated crap when we are with the family.

AIBU to be stressed out by this?

[PatTheHammer]

I know how you feel and it is tricky as you don't want to be offensive and its clear that they do love the DCs.
When mine were tiny I found out there was a sweetie jar full of crap that they were allowed un-fucking- restricted access to when they stayed at the in-laws
Now, we're not the chocolate police in our house but we eat treats as part of a balanced diet and allowing small children to have whatever they want, mealtimes not taken into any account whatsoever was just not on.
Because they were his parents DH had words with them, we also asked them to not just stock fruit shoots ( which were also just 'help yourself') on the grounds of tooth decay. To be fair they have been really good since, they go overboard with chocs, sweets and shit at Easter and Christmas but those can be divvied out over weeks so not a problem.

Maybe keeping a list is a good idea, maybe they have no idea of the volume of treats and tat that they are giving the DCs?

It's all this, underhand, secret getting the child to eat behind the parent's backs that I don't like. It's just fucking weird!

[CrapBag]

YANBU.

I get pissed off with this. My nan doesn't seem to understand that all offers have food does not have to be junk. Sometimes she thinks and gets in some strawberrys that the kids love but mainly its chocolate that, biscuits this and cake that. She gets snippy with me every time I tell her they can't eat dessert if they didn't eat their tea. She follows the rule but I have to put up with comments and huffing as if what I am saying doesn't really matter.

She is the same with me, she brings me sweets and cake often and I appreciate the thought but I have enough in the cupboards and don't really want more.

I say tell them in no uncertain terms that treats are restricted. What your SIL feeds your 2 year old seems far too much junk.

[Chottie]

Please stand firm and don't let your DM or SiL stuff your children with junk food. :)

[formicadinosaur]

With SIL ' yes do take DS but only if you don't feed him rubbish. Here's some heathy snacks I have bought with me'.

With grandparents say they are not eating any more rubbish except for one weekly treat. Can they give berries, popcorn to pop, home made fruit ice Lollies.

Start to call all rubbish food rubbish. You
Can say it very matter of fact and within no time have the kids calling it rubbish too.

[HoikyPoiky]

I can't remember the actual age but I know my DCs were young when I drummed into THEM that they were not allowed more than one treat a day. It seems crazy that people can't get their kids to manage this themselves.

I would remind them from time to time. One of their Grannies always had a stash of boxes of celebrations for them EVERY SINGLE time we visited. So I would remind them to say thankyou but only have a maximum of 10 sweets (or whatever) and that that would count as there treat for the day.


I can see it is more difficult with younger kids or kids with learning difficulties but generally the kids should be capable of dealing with it themselves after a certain age.