Regular-ish poster, have namechanged because this will out me.
I have just got engaged to a lovely man after MANY years of singledom, a couple of doomed relationships with dodgy men and a very serious illness. He is kind, funny and although we have had a few bumps in the road, it feels 100% perfect and we are both chuffed as nuts :-)
I am not exactly in the first flush of youth and this is a first marriage for both of us. A few years ago I fell out badly with a member of my family on my mum's side. My granddad was dying of cancer, and my uncle made some nasty remark to the family (not including me) to the effect of "Who on earth is going to want YoungGirlGrowingOld - just look at her - she'll end up unmarried and alone just like her crazy mother". My granddad (bless him) tried to say that he thought that was awful and he was wrong, but this was met with more derogatory remarks about me from charming uncle. The thought of granddad hearing all that just before he died makes me feel a bit sick. (I may be being over-sensitive though).
I am not normally confrontational but I pulled my uncle up on his comments as soon as I found out. I was recovering from major surgery at the time so was not at my best either physically or emotionally. He made various threatening remarks ("You dont want to make an enemy out of me, you don't know who you are dealing with, etc") He then rang my my mum to complain about the particular word I used to describe him 
(DM was not very supportive of me, but that's a whole other AIBU...) Part of me is scared that people at my wedding will think the same - what's he doing with her? etc - and I hate that his nasty remarks still affect me years later and that I will inevitably worry about this on my long-awaited wedding day.
WIBU to send him an engagement announcement or a picture from my wedding? With a suitable rude message?? Or is this just childishness and stooping to his level? Would he simply construe it as mischief-making? Part of me really wants to prove that he was wrong about me (and granddad was right!) but most people in RL are of the "forget it and move on" persuasion.
Over to you MN jury..... 
AIBU?
WIBU (or just v childish) to do this? - wedding and dysfunctional family
YoungGirlGrowingOld · 06/08/2013 16:57
Thanks - this is pretty unanimous 
FWIW - he probably won't find out from other family because I have cut all ties, even indirect ones. Uncle Twat does not even speak to my DM any more because of my choice of words. Obviously, she blames me! Presumably it's fine to make cruel remarks about someone behind their back, but not to confront them about it 
And YY to the person upthread who said this was misogynistic - I think that's precisely why I am still so upset and angry. He obviously thinks that the worst thing a woman can be is unattractive to men 
Thanks for the congrats and advice - I am turning into one of those bridezilla women who Google wedding venues for hours. Ah well, looking forward to the AIBU thread when I make some egregious error over the invitations! 
Ooooh, thanks for all the replies! You are all kind of confirming what the grown-up part of me knows is the sensible option, i.e. rise above, have a brilliant time and leave well alone....but there is a part of me that really wants to send him a little reminder that he was, and remains, a cunt... (Imperial - that was the word - my mother bollocked me for "language")
And yes, BrokenSunglasses you make a good point too. I wasn't there, and although he has form for this kind of behaviour I will never know exactly what happened. I think he got me at a low-ebb (post-surgery, fat on steroids and half bald) so he kind of voiced my worst fears iykwim.
I will blow him a massive raspberry on the day (in my head) and focus on the lovely, positive stuff. Thank you lovely ladies of MN 
The best message to send him is the message that he wasn't even worth inviting to the wedding.
I'd be bloody tempted though!
He is a self centred shit. Don't endulge his sense of self importance by letting him know you are still bothered by his remarks.
You knew when he said it he was wrong and life has happily proved just how wrong he is . Mentally stick two fingers up to him and have the wedding you want without any looking back to his nastiness. Don't let his spite taint your day.
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Don't let him know that what he said still bothers you, don't give him that satisfaction. Get on with your life, with the man who has made you happy and has shown you how wrong this idiot was! of course, as this is mumsnet, I have to suggest sending a Save the Date card and nOT following it up with an invite!!
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