First of all just to say that dp comes from a small town where the population are predominantly white, I'm from a diverse and multicultural city.
Dp is one of the most laid back, placid people you could meet, never really has a bad word to say about anyone and has never been racist in front of me.
Recently came back from a beach holiday abroad with dp.
While we were there we briefly met this guy who was there with his young daughter, he happened to be black.
One day dp and I were lounging around by the pool, this guy was sitting over at the other side reading a book while his daughter played.
Dp went to say something to me and then stopped, he said he wasn't going to say it as I'd think he was stupid. Of course I was like 'no go on you have to say it now'.
He turned round and said 'well, see that black man over there sitting in the shade reading his book, well if you were black, woud you really come to a place like this?'
I almost burst out laughing and asked what on earth that was supposed to mean. And he went on to say 'well he already has a tan, if he just wants to relax would he really come to a place like this'.
I was astonished, I of course pointed out that the guy was doing exactly what everyone else was doing, come on holiday and that (a) I wasn't there to get a tan either and (b) black people can still sunbathe and get a tan if they want to and (c) the guy can come on holiday exactly where he pleases for whatever reason he chooses whether it be he wants to relax by the pool, swim in the sea, taste the local cuisine and that it was a completely bizarre thought to even have.
Dp agreed he was being daft and no more was said about it.
But I keep thinking about what he said.
I have told a few people two being my dad and bil who can both be a little bigotted at times and even they couldn't get there breath when I told them and just think he's thick as two short planks.
But it reminded me of another comment dp made about a year ago which I thought was strange.
One of our neighbours is black, I'll call him Bob, it doesn't really even enter my head which neighbours are black, white I just don't see it iyswim. But one day dp was looking out of the window and said 'look Bobs going jogging'. I got up to look purely because dp had mentioned it and Bob isn't really the jogging type, and dp burst out laughing and said 'ha ha it's not really Bob it's just another coloured man'. He thought it was hilarious. Firstly I said I just don't get the joke, so you see a black guy and pretend it's Bob?? And also people haven't really used the term 'coloured' since the 80s and it's not something people really like to be referred to as.
Dp said he didn't realise and just thought he was messing around. His jokes are terrible at the best of times.
But seriously? Am I in a relationship with a racist or just a daft idiot who has lived a bit of an enclosed existence?
AIBU?
AIBU to look at dp in a completely different light after he said this?
stripeyspots · 30/07/2013 16:50
I'm from NI and had never met a black person until I was over 20. I worked in Bognor Butlins for a season when I was 22 and waitressed for a black family that told me they wanted to buy me a drink one night. When I met them I told them they were the first coloured family I'd ever met what a fuckwit. The daughter who was the same age as me went crazy and started shouting at me about how offensive the word is, I felt terrible! But when I apologised and said I honestly thought that was the polite way to say black ( cringe!) they absolutely couldn't have been nicer, they had no idea parts of the UK were so white ( so far as I know my home town still is). Anyway they ended up inviting me to visit them in Elephant and Castle, and when I moved to London a few months later I did and they told EVERYONE what I'd said and took the piss out of me relentlessly for as long as I knew them! 
. So maybe your husband is a bit sheltered or a twat like I was.
It's almost as if 'seeing a black person' is a rite of passage to life.
Well, folks, I never saw a white person until I was four months old 
DH, who is black, once went on the train from Edinburgh (where he was born and brought up) to London.
Sitting next to him was a 20 year old Scot who had lived on Skye his whole life. He asked DH to tell him when they were in London as he was worried about missing his stop.
Anyway, they chatted, and DH gave him some pointers about London etc.
As they got off the train, the lad said to DH "thanks for helping. I was worried about talking to you because the people in the village said that whatever I do in London, I must not talk to any black people. You're the first black person I've ever met
This was in about 1995
Culturally in general black people regard a darkened skin due to the sun as not socially or culturally a good thing
What a weird thing to say. DH, as I say, is black and although he certainly has no interest in getting a tan (he's very dark), he enjoys holidays in the Maldives, California, Tuscany etc as much as the next (white) person (ie me )
But culturally, he's Scottish.
It's a weird one. Is everything else in the relationship fine? Are there any other question marks?
I've had to educate my DP over the years with things he genuinely didn't know. It's incredible to think people don't realise that "coloured" is an offensive term (his excuse was that he lived in South Africa and that "Cape Coloured" was a genuine term 
) but it was a small thing in the grand scheme of how great he was as a person.
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