AIBU 'only' charging my son £80 a month digs? What would you charge your child?

[4thfloor]

i had a thread on Friday on which a few people commented that £80 a month was way too low.

So I'm asking if you have grown up children living at home, how much do charge them in rent/digs/board and lodgings?

Our set up is

DS1 has just turned 20, he works 16 hours a week (minimum wage)

I ask for £80 a month

He pays for all his own food/juice/toiletries/clothes etc

He puts approx £300 a month into his savings account to go towards a deposit for a flat when he moves out rather than me taking the money for board and lodgings

So my question is AIBU for charging him so little in rent and allowing him to save for his future or am I doing the right thing?

If you have grown up children at home how much do you charge them per month?

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

Back in the mists of time when I had my first job and was living at home pay my take home pay was £100 pw and I paid my parents £25. Took me years after moving out to have that much disposable income again!

In the same situation I would definitely ask for a contribution from my children, and hopefully then be in a position to give them some back when they moved out (not that I'd tell them that at the time )

[FiftyShadesofGreyMatter]

See I can't get my head around people who say "well I couldn't charge my children to live in their own home"????

So we all have the dubious pleasure of paying for ourselves to live in our own homes, but we cannot fathom our adult children paying

[Pixel]

It's all very well saying "well I couldn't charge my children to live in their own home" but some of us can't afford to fully support adults. When dd finishes her A levels we will lose child benefit and tax credits which is going to make a huge difference to the household budget which is tight as it is. I would love to be one of those parents who indulges their little princess (next door got a car for her 17th ) but realistically it just isn't going to happen. If dd is earning she will have to contribute to the household finances, but being her mummy I will no doubt still be doing her washing and ironing and cooking and cleaning and buying her little treats... so it won't be such a bad deal .

Anyway, back to the OP I always thought a general rule of thumb was a third of their income for their keep was fair. Then they can save a third for the future and have a third for everyday expenses and socialising. That's what my parents did (I had a pony so was always broke and had no clothes and no social life ).

[MusicalEndorphins]

*throw

[MusicalEndorphins]

Just thought I'd through in something ds's gf's parents did. They gave her a year free room and board after the end of school, after that she was to pay room and board, which she did.

[jackstini]

My parents didn't really want to charge me, but did want me to learn about contributing.
So, they left the amount entirely up to me (& my sister when the time came)

We paid what we thought was fair, upping it when pay rose etc.

A lovely surprise was that when the time came for us to leave home and look for our own house, she had been putting it away and gave us the whole lot back to use towards a deposit

[DinoSnores]

My mother said much the same as "EBearhug"'s mother. After 18, I was made very unwelcome at home and had to live out. Even when I was back before my sister's wedding, I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same room. When I explained that all the hotels in our town where booked out, I was allowed to but it was made very clear what an inconvenience it was.

[Davsmum]

I think when an adult child is working they should definitely contribute towards living costs.
How much depends on what they get and what they cost etc!

Even if you don't need the money I think you should take something so that they learn that living costs money! I don't think you are helping your child towards independence if you let them live at home for free.

I agree though that if your child is showing good sense and saving towards a deposit for a home then it does no harm to charge a bit less than you would to help them.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

im not a mum but would def charge if i had a child/young adult who worked as that is how they learn to budget and also appreciate what things cost

when i tot up my bills like council tax/water in and out/gas/electric/phone/sky/bb/tv license as the bare minimum its over £500 a month so they need to contribute to board and also food

years ago when i lived at home and worked, 22years ago, i was 18, earnt £90 a week and paid my parents £15 a week - so about 20% of my wages

wish now years on all i spent was 20% of my wages on every day to day living

[MotherofDragons82]

My sister recently moved out of my mum's house.
They both earn roughly the same (around £22k)

Her living at home increased my mother's costs, as she was no longer eligible for a single person discount on council tax. Plus the increased costs of gas, electric etc.

My sister paid £50 a week which included everything - bills, food, and even a laundry service. I thought that was more than reasonable!

[Clawdy]

Well,that all depends on how soon they can live in their own place. The more money you take from them, the farther away that prospect becomes. Once they are in their own place,they will learn to cope anyway.

[SirChenjin]

I think you're being very sensible OP - he's an adult now and has to learn that he has to pay his way in life. You're teaching him some very valuable lifeskills

[4thfloor]

I would also add I actually don't know what his monthly pay or hourly rate is , I think that is personal and would never ask

[4thfloor]

thank you for so many thought provoking responses

To those that saying am being to harsh , I'm keeping £40 of the £80 away for him, the other £40 goes towards council tax, eletric, internet phone and daft household things like toilet roll, bacofoil, batteries and other crap that he uses at levels that I could never achieve

Part of the reason of me charging is threefold.

1. He is now earning money and needs to learn how to budget and prepare
   

1. He suggested the monthly amount. I asked him to work out he's incomings and outgoings and suggest an amount , I accepted his suggestion
   

1. To the poster who said his my carer and I should charge him a thing, a can only laugh because my problems are mobility related and not as bad as many many others peoples but trying to actually get my DS1 to do the shopping and the hoovering and the cleaning is as difficult as getting any 19/20 adult child do that , so in a away I think charging him 'rent' sort of makes up for the fact that he doesn't really deserve the £50 a week the taxpayer give him. I have said 'If you don't pull your weight more I'll ask someone else to it
   

Ultimately he's not a bad lad, is coping with alot but is also becoming a grownup and has to act like one.

Again thanks for all the replies

[Vev]

I wouldn't charge my children, unless they were on a high salary.

[Gruntfuttock]

Our daughter is 22 and has only been able to get a part-time job, but she works all the extra hours she's offered. We don't charge her anything and she has managed to save quite a bit of money, of which she will need every penny when she moves out, as she wants to live on the outskirts of London (we're in Sussex).

As long as we can afford to do this we are very happy to be able to help her in this way. By the way, we're not well-off, my husband is retired and I haven't worked since I had my daughter, due to serious health issues.

[Floralnomad]

tigerfeet ,unless I really needed the money no I don't think a working adult needs to contribute as far as I'm concerned I will 'keep 'my children for as long as they want to stay at home .My son probably costs me less to keep now than he did as an 18 yr old at school as he eats out more now which obviously he funds himself and he uses no more electric/ gas etc than he did then . It just wouldn't feel right in my family to charge him to live here but then I've also never done pocket money and didnt expect my children to do chores so I accept that I'm a bit strange .

[Crinkle77]

I think if he is saving £300 a month which will enable him to move out sooner than £80 a month is fine. If he was just frittering his money away then I would say charge him more.

[pussycatwillum]

We had the 'coversation' last night with DS2, because he got his first month's salary yesterday. By the time he had outlined the things he needed to do, including repairs to his laptop and similar expenses we realised we weren't going to get 25% this month. Now we're down to asking him to pay for a tank of petrol for the small car that he is using for driving practise .

[Fluffy1234]

My DS1 recently moved out. When he lived at home he earned £260 per week after tax and paid £35 per week housekeeping. Some weeks he ate most of his weekday dinners at home and other times he ate hardly anything at home. He used to buy his own lunch at work. This amount worked for us, we didn't need the £35 but knew he needed to pay something to learn about paying his own way. When he left home we paid the deposit needed to the landlord which was a months rent. Since he moved out he seems to be managing o.k with the odd request to borrow £10 or £20 until payday which he always pays back and i'm happy to help as very proud of him.

[nannynewo]

If he is working 16 hours a week on minimum wage then how does he afford to pay you £80 a month plus put £300 away into savings and then pay for food etc... on top?
Minimum wage for his age is £4.98 an hour.
As a student I pay £91 a week for my house (and it absolutely kills me) plus all my food/ clothes/ toiletries etc.... There are several reasons to why I moved away to study (the main one being my course) and I know that if I still lived at home my parents would also help me out like you are.
So I think if you can afford to then you are doing the right thing in helping him out :)

[TigerFeet]

sounds fair to me op

those who say that they wouldn't charge dc for living at home, don't you think that a wage earning adult should contribute to family expenses? My mum needed the money I paid her to help pay the bills, after all, an adult eats a fair amount of food and I used the phone etc etc. Even if she hadn't needed the money she still would have charged me. fair enough imo. Dh paid board and was given the some of the money back as a lump sum when he moved out.

my children are still small but when the time comes I will charge them board, as I think they ought to be helping pay for what they use. Of course it's impossible to say how much at this point, it depends on hiw much they earn and what their expenses are.

[Beastofburden]

It would depend.

(a) is the family on a tight budget or not? if you are, and he knows it, then he will respect the need for him to help pay bills that are a bit bigger than they would be otherwise.

(b) is he a sensible bloke or not? if you have children who cannot be trusted to save for their own future then I guess you should charge them as much as you can, put it aside, and then give it back to them as a house deposit. But I don't agree that it teaches them about the value of money- quite the reverse, you are protecting them from the consequences of being useless and self-indulgent. I can see why you would do it, though, as wasting tons of cash is a bloody irritating way for them to learn.

In my case, we are not on a tight budget and DS1 is a sensible bloke, so I wouldn't charge him rent, and I would tell him that it makes more sense for him to save up to reduce his future mortgage than for me to pretend that I need the cash when we both know that I don't.

[EBearhug]

EBearhug thats awful What if youd had to move back home in an emergency due to illness or leaving an abusive partner.


Don't think it would ever have really been an issue while my father was alive. After then, my sister did go back home after breaking up from her partner, but she never heard the end of what a good mother we had, and how grateful she should be, etc, etc. Illness - I don't know, and I'm glad I never had to find out. She had a lot of her own history, which she never dealt with. And it's made me very too good at standing on my own two feet and not expecting anyone else to do anything for me.


I do think taking a percentage of what they bring home and putting it aside for them is not a bad practice, particularly if it's someone who isn't normally very brilliant at budgeting and saving. But different families with different dynamics will work out what's best for them.

[MrsMelons]

Possum - I disagree. As I said, my parents didn't really charge me other than luxuries as I was saving so hard for a house deposit. I cannot see what taking 'rent' off your children achieves.

I am very good with money and actually managed to pay my mortgage off by the time I was 32. My parents taught me the value of money but were never going to take money off me for imaginary rent, they just taught me to save and I have always done this.

I am really at how many people charge hundreds of pounds to their DCs to live in their family home. If they are dreadful with money and not saving anything then I totally get it, I would also be reluctant to save for them unless they made an effort themselves, also if financially you cannot afford to keep them and it genuinely helps towards keeping your head above water but other than that I really don't understand.

I will teach my children to budget properly, if they have cars/mobiles etc then they will run them/pay for them of course but I would expect them to be saving for a house deposit and I will happily have them at home until they are able to afford to move out.