to want to scream at these relatives!

[missesjellybean]

so I'm at the hospital now ... I've just had my 20 week scan, I had an operation a few weeks ago on my cervix so I'm not supposed to stand for prolonged periods but I've just been sent through to wait to see the doctor...and told there is a 2 hour delay...and there isn't one single seat to sit on.
the waiting room is about 30 degrees with no windows or seats and every single pregnant lady here has at least two relatives with her and they're all occupying the seats
I thought some kind relative who is just here for moral support would give up their seat for a clearly pregnant lady but they're all just pretending not to see me stood here absolutely roasting with no where to sit so they don't have to move. wibu to throw a massive diva strop at demand a chair....or at least ask the receptionist who is also pretending to ignore me to ask able visitors to stand so actual patients can sit....

[AudrinaAdare]

I am taking DD for an ultrasound tomorrow. Neither of us is pregnant but it's gynae / maternity so there will be a few people obviously needing a seat. I will be sure to death-stare the men and make loud comments about manners.

I am quite looking forward to it

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I do agree with gwen though, it takes quite a bit of guts to ask for a seat when no one is willing to offer. On my wobbly hormonal days I am completely incapable tbh.

K8 I wish I had your cahonas!

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

Sorry I agree with hairyworm!

[helenthemadex]

Anybody here who isn't pregnant, raise your arse anyone else in the OP position absolutely has to say this

[K8Middleton]

It's sport for me Heffa. I am always extremely polite but when the rudest/ignorance/bigotry comes I'm usually well rehearsed.

I live for the day someone comments negatively on my breastfeeding in public... ideally on a bus. I'm soooooo ready!

[MidniteScribbler]

I'm all for asking for seats when you need it, but can you please just think before approaching someone individually? I was at the clinic after yet another loss, felt like absolute crap and was barely holding myself together, and a woman with a large pregnant stomach came and shoved it in my face and said "I'm pregnant, you're obviously not, move it". There were plenty of other people in the waiting room that could have got up. A general shout out to see if anyone can stand up is much better, you don't know what someone has got going on. Just because you can't see a large stomach doesn't mean the person isn't ill or does need to be sitting.

Glad you got yourself a seat OP.

[lisianthus]

Don't agree that you should have to ask for a seat. When you are alone, not feeling well, hormonal and there is the distinct possibility someone might act like the jerk in Gwen's story, it makes you distinctly reluctant to ask for a seat.

And Gwen's story is not, unfortunately, unusual. I've come across lots of people who say things like "it was your choice to become pregnant" "pregnancy isn't a disease" "I was here first", and if they have seen you and haven't already had the courtesy to offer you a seat, there's a good chance that as well as being rude, they'll have the front to turn you down or say something nasty.

[K8Middleton]

I have never seen anyone be anything other than helpful when a seat is politely asked for eg "Excuse me but if you don't need your seat would you mind if I sit down?". Yes we shouldn't have to ask but sometimes people just aren't vigilant.

Unpleasant people are the minority and if you are prepared with a few comebacks that helps. It is also helpful to call people on bad behaviour when you see it. They only get away with it if people ignore it.

You won't be any worse off for asking but an unpleasant arse might show themself up as an unpleasant arse in public.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Our hospital has signs saying that all pregnant women must have seats.

[EeyoreIsh]

midnite sorry about your story. That was a really nasty comment to make to you, and another example of why hospitals should treat women with miscarriages/still births totally separately from pregnant women.

[lisianthus]

Yes, it would be nice if we could all be tough, insouciant challengers of rude people all the time, but I know when I was pregnant, I would have been fighting back tears if someone had had a go at me for requesting a seat, so didn't want to deal with that on top of everything else.

Probably also depends where you live. People tend to be nicer in small towns, I've found. Living in London, I wasn't ever offered a seat by anyone in either of my two pregnancies, and I came across plenty of people willing to have a go at a pregnant woman with the temerity to ask them to give up their seat.

[K8Middleton]

I live in London. I honestly never saw any rudeness when people asked. I'm not saying we have to be " tough, insouciant challengers of rude people all the time". I'm saying be prepared, expect that some people may be horrible and be ready. Some how these things are so much worse when they're unexpected.

By challenge I mean when you see it happening to a pregnant woman say something. What did you do when your witnessed all these incidents? Roughly how many times have you noticed happening to other women?

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it is a rare occurrence.

[MidniteScribbler]

So, lisianthus, everyone should dive to their feet at the first sight of a pregnant woman? Pregnancy trumps all other health conditions? Just because you find it to hard to say 'is there anyone that would mind letting me have a seat?'

[LongTailedTit]

I was taught the best phrase by a colleague who'd had 4 DC and was obviously a pro at tube etiquette.
She told me to approach the person in the priority seat and ask:

"Excuse me, are you able to stand?"

Polite, doesn't assume that they don't need the seat (may have a non-obvious condition), and most times I didn't need to explain further as the sitter clocked my bump or badge and would stand up.

I stopped waiting for people to offer pretty quickly, it was ridiculous, much easier and less embarassing to just ask straight away.

[cuillereasoupe]

FFS, why fanny about with the receptionist and the midwife? just ask for a chuffing chair.

[grumpyoldbat]

I always give up my seat for someone who seems to need it more than me. I gave up my seat at 8mon pregnant because another pregnant woman came into the waiting room on crutches. All the men remained seated. I have never on the other hand asked for a seat in case I actually ask someone who needs it more than me or someone obnoxious and abusive.

[pigletmania]

Missjelly you glare right back at them, rude gits. Geese the entail tey of some!

[pigletmania]

Mentality doh

[StealthPolarBear]

Ive never ckme across this and it sounds awful. I was recently on a packed train when 3 elderly ladies got on. There was a flurry of activity as everyone moved round / stood to make sure they coukd sit.
I live in the north

[missesjellybean]

I always give up seats for people too my mum has always ingrained it in me and my siblings from being little. we've always stood up on the bus for old people, pregnant ladies and people who obviously need seats from pretty much being old enough to stand.... and I know I could have just asked but I felt awkward and embarrassed and stupid asking so did wimp out by asking reception to ask....but also I shouldn't have to ask it's sad that a lot of people just don't have manners these days...I managed a seat and then when they read my notes I got called through as a priority because I should have been on bed rest...now I really wasn't imagining those glares and comments as I jumped the queue ...

[StealthPolarBear]

I'm amazed the receptionist needed a midwife. Surely he/she should have seen that you just needed someone with a bit of authority IN THE ROOM and it was common sense.

[lisianthus]

Yes, midnite, I believe that if you see someone who for some reason might need a chair, whether they be pregnant, on crutches, old or whatever, and you are fit and healthy, you should indeed "dive to your feet" and offer them your chair. That precisely encapsulates what I am saying. You don't need to get into some sort of disability top trumps at all as in most situations there will be plenty of seated people who are able to give up their chairs.

This would prevent subjecting the poor person who needs a chair as the OP did to any further unpleasantness and is just good manners.

[GreenShadow]

I know it's not practical on public transport, but on other occasions, i have made a point of sitting down loudly on the floor when pregnant and not offered a seat. (Luckily I've always been able to get up again, though am quite aware that some may not be able to!).

Happened once at 38 weeks and no one offered even after I'd levered myself down on to the floor.

[AudrinaAdare]

Plenty of seats in ultrasound earlier so no need to have words with anyone. Lots of judgy looks that I was there with thirteen yr old DD though. I wanted to stand up and shout that she wasn't pregnant and even if she was, what sort of person tuts at a child who has been the victim of a crime? Wish I had had the gynae check done in her usual hospital now where it is a general paediatric imaging dept. Oh well, lesson learned!

[pippitysqueakity]

Hey OP, 'should have been on bedrest'. ?
I hope you are ok, and the rest of your pregnancy is peaceful.