to think kids should leave school without all this fuss?

[Newcupboards]

Leavers' Assemblies where every last ounce of emotion is wrung out of kids, parents and teachers with Year 6 murdering singing 'Slipping Thru My Fingers' whilst photographs of them from Reception to current day are projected onto the wall.

Then there's the Leavers' Proms! Bloody tacky American import

In my day we had a quick mention in morning prayers (primary) and a disco without a limosine and the same at secondary. Now it's squeals and emotional incontinence.

Can't we just get back a bit of British stiff upper lip and get on with life changes without making such a drama.

[martini84]

I am teary just reading this thread. Absolutely dreading leavers assembly.
Although I still wouldn't miss it for the world.
Other than that they are just having a disco.
Do think proms and limos etc for primary aged is just plain crazy and ill advised for even secondary.

[KingscoteStaff]

We have cunningly scheduled our Year 6 leavers' disco and party from 4 until 5 so there is no chance of them going home to change!

Leavers' Assembly is on the last morning, but we finish at 2.30, and I think most families are planning on heading off for a monster picnic/rounders match in the park.

I will be tearing down the final displays and running for the hills!

[martini84]

Yearbooks and discos are not free though. Inexpensive compared to proms but still £15 at our school.

[Hulababy]

DD left primary school yesterday. It is a big thing for children, let them celebrate it, show some emotion and then remember the fun they have had.

DD goes to a small school and it is like a family. The girls have mostly known each other from reception, and the parents have made friends too. They've had such great time there, and some sadness too (last summer her teacher died suddenly). Why would she not want to remember all that and just move on with no reflection?

The leavers made their own year books in ICT which cost nothing and are really lovely. They did their own leaver's assembly too. I couldn't go as I was on a trip with my own school, but DD went and I have seen videos and photos. They wrote the whole thing themselves with photos and videos of their time at the school. they even finished with their own rock band and song about their time at school. DD was on lead vocals and loved it. yes, again the girls cried - but soon replaced by hugs and laughing.

Yesterday was a fantastic day for all the girls there, and the parents. Prize Day, celebratory drinks in the playground, gifts for staff, many lovely words, then the leavers got their hoodies, went for lunch together and then a photo shoot together. And yes, there were tears early on, but it was soon laughing and excitement.

DD's already had the leaver's BBQ previously - which is held instead of a parent's evening in the last week. A lovely time had by all. And an emotional moment when the girls placed a balloon by their teacher's memorial bench and wrote messages for him, to hang on the bench. They will later be passed on to his partner.

I am sad that DD is leaving. DD is too. She is also excited to be moving on to her new school.

As for cost, ignoring end of year presents which we always chose to do anyway, it has cost us about £40 (hoodies, food for BBQ and yesterday's lunch, photo shoot). I don't think that is bad at all.

Why would I want to just ignore it was happening and ignore DD's moving on?

[WidowWadman]

I feel actually quite bad that my daughter can't go to her nursery leaver's party, because we're on holiday. She spent 4 years at that place, starting off as a baby, often carried by staff in a sling, and is deeply bonded to a lot of the nursery nurses there and the many friends she made there, a lot of them going off to different schools.
I think having a little party to celebrate the good times she and her friends had there, and to celebrate that they're moving on to a new exciting stage of their life is a good thing.

[MrsGrowbag]

My DC had a leavers assembly when they left primary (complete with the photos from reception onwards beamed onto the hall wall), there was also a pool party and BBQ a couple of days before the end of term, which they loved.
Secondary school is a whole different ball game - completely OTT and very expensive. There is a leavers assembly, fair enough, but there is also "last day" which happens on the last school day before exams, complete with bouncy castle, bbq and ice cream van. Then post exam there is the "summer ball" in a Cambridge College, with sit down 3 course meal, plus disco plus professional photographer who kindly takes your photo for £20!!! . Of course, you can't get dropped off by your parents in their ancient filthy peugeot as that would be naff, so parents fork out for limos, party buses etc. Then there is the year book, and of course the hoodies. I think the total cost is over £100.
A friend of mine has a year 11 daughter who has just done all this, she booked her daughter a facial and make up session for the day 6 months in advance, and then also paid for sessions if fake tanning spray in the run up! she also told me that the local shops all keep lists of which girl form which school has bought which prom dress from them so the is no possibility that 2 girls will turn up in the same dress. I asked her if the shops do the same thing for the boys so they won't all turn up in the same outfit but don't think she got it.....

In my day we had an end-of term disco at the end of the 6th form. And were jolly grateful for that. I do worry that there is a lot of pressure on parents who can't afford to subsidise all of this. £100 for the activities, before you have bought a dress or arranged transport is not trivial.

[lljkk]

Love looking thru my mom's (1950s) & grandad's old year books (1910s).

Prom is just a Disco, no? English DH went to a y6 Leaver's Disco in the 1980s. Wasn't a feature of leaving elementary school for me either in 1970s California.

I have promised DD I will stoic & indifferent at the Assembly. Why would I cry? The rowdy lot of monkeys are more than ready to move on. Am delighted to beg off the rather long evening y6-Play (argh). I've done my duty over the yrs already.

[freddiefrog]

My eldest leaves this Friday.

We have a big leavers breakfast before school with an assembly first thing, then a big BBQ and disco in the evening. £1 each for the breakfast and £1 for the BBQ and disco.

I think it's good to mark the end of one chapter of their lives, but agree that expensive proms and limos are a bit OTT, but if our school had one and DD wanted to go to it then fine, I wouldn't stop her going just because I think it's silly

[littlemisswise]

I enjoyed all of my DC's leavers assemblies, and seeing both of my DC's and their friends dressed up for their Proms. At the end of Yr6 they both did musicals DS1 hates performing so he did all the lighting, DS2 got the main part.

DS2 had his prom 10 days ago, his best firend was his date, she moved away on Monday. She looked absolutely stunning, as did most of the girls, DS2 looked so handsome and grown up. They shared a car with another couple, and all four of us mums shed a few tears.

The fuss and farewells are for the kids, not for the parents. If you don't like it, don't go!

[RoooneyMara]

I'm with the OP. I can't bear enforced emotional experiences.

Our levers do is next week and I'm not going. Luckily my children aren't leaving yet.

I don't like events where everyone is supposed to cry. I spent my grandmother's funeral resisting crying because I didn't want to in front of other people I don't know very well and who barely even met her. So now she has gone and I haven't got that opportunity again, but what can you do?

Bit off topic, sorry. But I just hate the whole bloody thing.

[SoupDragon]

DSs Leavers Assemblies were celebrations of their time at the school. Not enforced emotional experiences. The yearbooks were printed at school and each child had written down a memory of their time at the school.

No "sob fest"
No limos
No prom dresses at their leavers disco
Picnic and games in the park on the final day of term.

Look at the children - are they enjoying it? That is what matters.

[Newcupboards]

But we managed to leave school with a mixture of sadness and relief without tears and hugs ... Without sappy songs sung to sobbing parents. Most 11 year olds are indifferent to all but a handful of their peers anyway. They couldn't give a toss that they've known X since Reception.

The Leavers' Assemblies are IMVHO often not for the kids but for the parents who enjoy getting maudlin (probably the same folk who enjoy the sob stories on BGT and the like).

Let's put the backbone back into Britain!

[EllenJanesthickerknickers]

When I left primary school there was no leavers assembly, no disco, no party, nothing. It felt very flat.

My DS3 leaves on Friday. They are doing a leavers assembly at which I will cry, though they have abandoned the sad song as it caused too many tears in rehearsal, apparently. Parents have organised a decorated Routemaster double decker bus to take them to their party. I can't see the harm.

Leaving secondary school in 1981 was a complete non event for me. Easter leavers, who were already 16 could leave at Easter without taking any CSEs/O levels if they wanted. Everyone else left on the last day of whatever exams they were doing, so in dribs and drabs. No leavers disco or anything.

I would have liked some marking of leaving school. It was the end of 11 or 12 years of daily education. I guess many now go on to 6th form, though. In my comp only 10% went on to do A levels, so we really were saying goodbye at the end of the 5th year.

[RoooneyMara]

Soup - you haven't met our HT.

[Hulababy]

Newcupboards - yours might not be bothered, but I know my DD most certainly was. As was the other 10 girls from her very small class of 11. Especially the 4 not going on to the next school together, and even the 7 that are realise that it won't be the same any more and they are being split between classes, etc. It is a big thing for me DD and her friends, hence I have no issue whatsoever of making it special. It's not cost ous loads but she has certainly had a nice time and will remember her time fondly.

[80sMum]

When I left primary school there were no special assemblies, no discos, no parties nor any other event to mark the occasion. Some of us exchanged addresses or wrote each other little messages in autograph books and that was that. When the final bell rang we all just went our separate ways.
It was exactly the same when I left secondary school 6 years later.
That was in the '60s and' 70s.

I think it would have been nice to have some sort of event to mark the occasion. I particularly felt this when I left the 6th form, as we all just drifted away at different times, after we had sat our last exam.

[namechangetocover]

When we left primary we had a normal day- however our school had been burnt to thr ground 3 years before, we were being schooled in portacabins.. On the last day of term the contractors handed over the keys to the new school during assembly.. My year group, having been the final group to have been directly involved with the school burning, were allowed the first look at the new school. That was far more exciting than a dance. We had a concert too, and a small party with punch and an Atomic Kitten CD afterwards.

Secondary, we did nothing other than throwing water bombs. We didn't even get a year book.. Bought some juice and donuts for lunch and I have a signed top but nothing else. My school held the dance - a ball - in February for some reason.. That did involve limos etc.

[namechangetocover]

When my sister (severely autistic) left school we had a fab time, her teachers produced a slideshow of photos and played varying 'meaningful' songs, her classmate (has downs syndrome) read something and my sister sung some Hannah Montana song (The Climb or something) , the local MP presented awards. Was lovely :) My mum did cry but so did the headteacher, and various other staff. I'll never forget the classroom assistant snivelling away and passing tissues to my mum!

[mrspaddy]

I still have my signed school shirt.. 'Live fast, die young, may all your men be well hung'..

ha ha.. went to a Convent school

[GertrudeMorel]

We've got it all to come this week.

Leavers' play, leavers' service and barbecue, leavers' assembly, leavers' party.

My dh has been to one production of the play - he said by the end most of the mums had their sunglasses on to conceal the tears.

Then there will be the leaver's book of achievements, hoody and bible. I have lost count of how many donations we've made for it all.

It's like they want to make everyone cry.

When my eldest left - the leavers' service was excruciating. The children were crying, the parents, and most of the teachers.

I am steeling myself - I am not going to be crying. My ds will cry if I cry. I want it to be a happy week after such a happy time at a great school, not one spent bawling.

[geeandfeesmum]

I disagree with OP. When I left school we were just sat in our Science lesson and then the headmaster came in and said "Ok, you can go now."

It was horrible. We never got to say goodbye properly or feel as though the occasion had any importance.

I always wished that we had have had a prom or disco or something to let us mark the occasion.

[SoupDragon]

I felt emotional at both DSs leavers assemblies and Y6 play because they were having such a fabulous time.

[hernow]

OP I'm with you. When we left school each stage was just hugs even those you didn't like you hugged as it was an ending. Teachers were lovely and hugged too giving lots of words of encouragement now you were going. Everyone happy to move onto the next stage. Now it's expense/cringing moments/worrying about not being miss or master popular - awards and prizes for the popular or brightest and of course the "best awards" go to those who really tried but were still rubbish at school stuff.

[Hulababy]

Exactly soupdragon.

As all the parents were saying at dd's leavers stuff yesterday, it's sad because the girls have loved it all so much and that chapter is now over

[jamdonut]

Every year Leavers Assembly (primary) makes me cry. I just can't help it ...and I'm staff!

As for Prom,my daughter was on her school's committee. We spent an entire year having to think about it!

In the end, we personally spent about £80...that was a short dress from Ebay for £33 which looked GORGEOUS,shoes, bag,make-up. Hair and make-up all done by herself and she went in an ordinary people carrier with her several friends. I noticed girls wore much more sedate,classy dresses this year. Presumably no-one wanted to look as if they were out of Big Fat Gypsey Wedding!! However ,there were some who had spent hundreds on dresses,and all the the rest, including limousines. Seems a bit over the top to me.

They had a lovely night though!