Oh dear think was a bit unreasonable but now not sure if I should apologise??

[YellowCanary1]

Last night neighbours across the road from us (very quiet little street) were working on their classic motorbike and revving it really loudly. Obviously windows open due to weather and this is about 20yards from our bedroom windows. We live in a bungalow and it was so loud you couldn't hear the tv at normal volume etc. It was past 7pm and we have 2 dc's. At about 7.30ish DH went out and asked how long they would be as it was keeping DS1 awake (2 1/2), they said sorry mate, we'll stop. Anyway they carried on for another half hour so at 8 I went out and politely asked them to stop revving the motor as Ds1 was upset and tired and Ds2 (5 weeks) was screaming by now. they said sure but lo and behold within 10 mins started again. Got to about 9pm and I lost it.
I stormed out the house (in my nightie I must add!) and shouted that if they didn't stop revving the f engine I would wrap it round their f necks!
They looked very shocked and stopped, I stormed back into house.

Now I don't think I was BU in asking them to be quieter late in the evening in a family area. However I never, ever swear!! DH was really shocked as he has never heard me shout or swear - I just lost it and for that I think I was BU. In my defence I have a 5 week old baby and DS1 was really upset so I was very mad but still..... should I apologise? They are our neighbours and though we don't really have a relationship with them I don't want animosity??

[MidniteScribbler]

There is a huge difference between the volume of a mower for fifteen minutes while grass is being mowed and the volume of a large motorcycle being revved for two hours. DC or no DC, that noise is unreasonable in a residential area.

[MusicalEndorphins]

They owe you the apology.

[xylem8]

i think yabu noise from 7 to 9 pm is not unreasonable especially as this is not happenng every evening.why didn't you shut the windows and put on a fan ? Typical of the way mners thnk the whole neghbourhood, nay world, should revolve round their brats

[TigerSwallowTail]

I have a 5 week old and an older son too so completely understand your frustration, but if it's really playing on your mind then maybe chat to them tomorrow about it?

[ChasedByBees]

Weird nasty post xylem. [Hmm] makes you sound like you have issues.

Revving engines for hours to the point where you can't hear the TV in a house across the road is unreasonable.

YANBU and no way would I give them a gift to apologise.

[JeanPaget]

I don't think noise from 7-9ish is that unreasonable tbh, but I can see how frustrating it would be with v. young kids.

Personally I would take the 'you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar' approach and go round and apologise . I, cynically, think they'll be more likely to be considerate in the future if they like you/feel sorry for you...

I do think maintaining friendly relations with your neighbours is important and makes life much more pleasant.

[OhMerGerd]

If they have any common sense this will have made them stop and think about the impact their actions have on others in the street. I did it once, nightie, mad hair and a pen and notepad thrust at neighbour asking him to write the note explaining to school why dd1 was going to absent after a night of no sleep when he had some sort of mini rave at his house which finished at about 4.30 am. I knew he'd have just got into a good drunken stupor by 6.30 when our alarms went off and exhausted, fuming and demented used pretty much the same language. He was shocked but I did lose some of the respect he had for me by losing it.
In your case it wasn't that late - yes 9 pm is getting on but if the first ask had been at 9 and you lost it at 11 you probably would have retained the moral high ground. As it is I think they're possibily feeling a bit wtf and perhaps an apology that is clear about what you're apologising for might be a good neighbourly thing.
Something like 'I'm emabarrased I used such bad language the other night and would like to apologise for swearing at you. We're terribly exhausted with a newborn and the noise of the revs was so loud it was making us all jumpy and the babies were frightened by it and crying. I appreciate that you'll want to enjoy some of this good weather in the evenings and I wonder if we can agree that while it's so hot and we've got to have the windows open if you've got something noisy planned past say 8.30pm you'll let us know so we can try to move the children to another room? '
That should indicate that you don't think sweary shoutiness is acceptable ( or they may start using that tone on you), explains exactly how the noise affected you and that you're prepared to compromise. If they agree to forewarn you the very act of having to stop, think and prepare to knock your door to say they're going to be noisy will make them evaluate whether they are being reasonable occassion by occassion. If they don't agree and get all shouty sweary you're back in the right and can deal with it more formally without worrying that you are being unreasonable.

[CalamityJ]

I would apologise for swearing to improve neighbourly relations because once the respect has gone they could do it all night between 7-9 every night and there's not a thing you can do about it. So regaining that neighbourly respect with some reasoning behind your actions may help them listen to you and not do it in future. I would say something along the lines of having a toddler and a newborn has left you sleep deprived hence outburst or they may think they live next to a loon Then say you understand it needs to be done but if there's anyway they can save the revving for the weekend/ work in the garden or just do it as early as possible or just for half an hour then that gives them a few compromises to think about. But be warned if you act as some say on this thread they don't have to compromise they can do what they like so it is up to you to be reasonable. BTW a sodding yappy dog was barking outside my DD's bedroom window as the owner had a chat to another dog walker for half an hour and the only reason I didn't shove the bloody collar down his neck have a word is cos I was already in my nightie. And this was 7pm too. Understand where you're coming from but not everyone else does or should.

[McGeeDiNozzo]

You'd be within your rights not to apologise, but for the sake of maintaining cordial relations with your neighbours - which is all too rare in this day and age - yes, I would apologise, and I might do it with a bottle of plonk too. If that makes me a softie then so be it.

[MummaBubba123]

I'm in awe. My husband has heard me shout and swear... often (but not in front of the children).
You're a saint!

[PigOnStilts]

Sod them and their bottle of wine, you did ask them three times!!

[Lizzylou]

xylem8, well you are quite the charmer, aren't you?
People who respect others would perhaps listen when someone with a young family came and asked them to quieten down. Once. Twice.

[xylem8]

i don't get this 'you told them threetimes business' .why on earth do you think theyhave to do as you say? they are probably at work all day ,and evening is the only opportunity they have to work on the bike.neighbourliness works 2 ways.why do your rights trump theirs?

[IneedAsockamnesty]

If they did start doing it every day all day or even lots it would be very very easy for them to be issued with a noise abatement order.

Noise from vehicles being revved lots for no good reason at any time of the day or night are a very very common reason for them being issued.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Xylem,

Her 'rights' trump theirs because the neighbourhood right to not have to put up with nuisance neighbours is an actual legal right but their right to make antisocial noise does not exist.

People in the community have a responsibility towards other members and to live in a reasonable way.

[RobotBananas]

Do not apologise!

We've got several people in our road with bikes. Most oftthem are considerate. The twat who revs his bike at 7am on a Saturday and Sunday makes me want to kill him, and there's a group of lads that gather at the bottom of our road revving their engines. They do this all day (can't really complain about that) and well into the evening, the shits.

[xylem8]

but they are not doing it all day os everyday so i can t see the relevance oe the above two posts

[xylem8]

sorry i meant socks two posts above. She doesn t seem to get the difference between occasional noise and regular noise

[RobotBananas]

One inconsiderate person making a lot of noise in a family area when everybody has their windows open? They would have been disturbing the whole street! Its not just about children sleeping - OP said she couldn't even hear the tv because they were making so much noise.


OP - I bet your other neighbors were cheering after you'd finally got them to shut up. :)

[RobotBananas]

And even if they needed to check the engine,they didn't need to be doing it for 2 fucking hours.

Inconsiderate twats.

[8thplace]

I think you should make up with them too, and apologise in a jokey, embarrassed way.

Just imagine how horrible they could make your life if your not getting on.

I have always made huge efforts to get on with neighbours and good neighbours are worth their weight in gold. Don't let it become a big ishoo. I would probably pop over with the DC in tow so they have a visual on your point of view and if they have met your DC they are more likely to work with you in future. IME.

[diddl]

Maybe apologise for swearing?

Here, it's no noise after 8pm.

Revving engine-fucking annoying!

[YellowCanary1]

Situation resolved, he came round this morning with a big bunch of flowers apologising, saying he and his brother had got a new 'toy' and got carried away. His wife and 2 young children were away for the night and he admitted he would have been livid if it was others and his dcs were upset. said he would have apologised last night but ended up doing 18 hour shift yesterday. I apologised for my outburst and said how truly embarrassed I was and how out of character, new baby, etc, etc. ended up with agreeing a play date for our toddlers as they are quite similar ages and neighbours are new to area so he was hoping his wife could make some friends here.

Thanks for everyone's opinions, I do feel in communities everyone should respect each other, and in a family area with lots of young children, noise is part of that.

xylem - what a random, nasty post. Fine to feel differently, but please don't call my children 'brats'.

[Areyoumadorisitme]

That sounds like it worked out perfectly

[atrcts]

Ps - forgot to say they were not being fair to tell you they would stop, but then fail to do so. Very poor behaviour, have to say. But that's a different issue! ??