To avoid using Facebook?

[sewingandcakes]

I've been staying away from it for a couple of months now, as every time I sign in I end up depressed/angry/envious about things other people have posted.

Yet family members keep telling me about photos they've posted and seem surprised that I don't spend every waking hour more time there.

AIBU to lurk on Mumsnet instead?

[wonderingagain]

You have to learn to hide the invitations to candy crush saga etc. It took me ages to work that one out.

But I still get really peed off when people friend you and then don't post anything. They are just doing it to have a nose and have no intention of sharing anything. Then when they've got an event to show off about publicise they come on and get all friendly.

Reminds me to unfriend someone that used to ignore me in the playground, separated from her husband and then suddenly friended me when her ex started seeing someone . Nosy cow. He is now in a Rl with a lovely woman and it's announced on facebook so ex can simmer in silence (she had an affair now ended).

It's not a true reflection of people but it's as good an idea as you're going to get of someone's life anyway.

[gallifrey]

I have unfriended everyone on my Facebook that posts crap or shows off about stuff on there.
I now only have nice people that I genuinely like on there and I feel so much better

[Elquota]

Facebook is like a constant version of those dreadful Christmas Round Robin letters! It's not compulsory and there are quite a few of us who don't use it.

[mercury7]

Sewing I see everyone else enjoying and living their lives
really? cmon.

Surely people use facebook to present themselves as they would like to be seen, not as they actually are.

To construct an idealised version of their lives using the things that they think will make them look good or lend them some kudos in the eyes of others.

I'd say facebook might give an idea of what people aspire to be, or the kinds of things that will score points in their social circle....a flavour of the cultural milieu which they inhabit.

I dont think it gives a realistic inside view of anyones life, it's just the edited highlights, who knows what really goes on behind the scenes

[sewingandcakes]

I have no problems with people who like Facebook, I can see how it is a valuable part of their lives, and how it's a good way of communicating and sharing. But for me personally, struggling with PND, I see everyone else enjoying and living their lives, and it highlights for me how cut off and detached I feel from them, and then makes me more unhappy.

Thanks for all your views everyone, I think I'll continue to stay away from Facebook until I feel more able to contribute and share in their lives.

[Elquota]

YANBU. If people want to share photos they can put them on PictureTrail or email them to you.

[wonderingagain]

I've found that over the years my real life friendships have changed as a result of how people are on facebook - you get to see what people are really like, what they are interested in, what their sense of humour is - their racist mate, their political allegiance, or their really nice family.

It has also helped me gain a certain amount of confidence against the bully/clique types who tend to loathe facebook because it means they can't manipulate people quite as much. Gives the losers some power to join together in their exclusion.

[AgentZigzag]

In the way some MNers look down on fb, I've never been able to work out what it is about getting angry about things other people enjoy but you don't, that makes some people feel compelled to pour scorn wherever they go.

I probably do it as well with some things (I just never admit it to myself ) but like my mum would get OTT involved in condemning people who ate in the street, or watched ITV (and not the Beeb), or whatever, why isn't it possible to accept the difference and not make any displeasure known?

[zippey]

There are plenty of people who hate MN, it tends to bring out the worst in some people too. Facebook is fine.

[mercury7]

I think you just summed it up Wondering!
I am not the sharing type, I just never could jive with FB, thats why I dont use it :o

[prissyenglisharriviste]

I don't fb much. Prior to last week i saw it as a fairly pojntless and occasionally loathsome habit. But last week we had a local state of emergency which resulted in our wee town being completely cut off (roads destroyed in both directions and some internally), with about 45 houses destroyed, large swathes of town evacuated, and power outages. No one knew where anyone else was, where they had been evacuated to, who was safe, etc etc.

Literally the only thing that got the community back on it's feet was people attached to their cell phones using the intermittent coverage to update what was happening where. Three local institutions were broadcasting up to the minute news via fb.

I'm a convert, really. In fact, I was pretty much glued to it for an entire week. It was quite literally the only way that anyone knew what was happening.

But it'll be a cold day in hell that I bother to play candy crush.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I like it both personally and professionally. But if you don't, don't use it.

[wonderingagain]

I think if there is something you don't like about facebook you just have to control it better. Limit the posts coming from certain people and hide or unfriend people you don't particularly like.

It's much better if you actually use facebook yourself, for sharing interests and comments. It makes my life much richer. Tonight I have spoken to two primary school friends I thought I would never see again, shared joke with a few people, shared notices about charity events, found out a jilted but deserving friend has found a lovely new girlfriend, and listened to some tunes and watched a funny video. I have also had about a dozen messages of support about something my daughter is going through.

There are a few people that don't know how to use it properly and get a bit heavy with photos or comments, but you adjust settings so you only see their important updates.

What I can't bear is the dozens of facebook friends who say nothing, do nothing, share nothing until they want to stealth boast about their expensive holiday. I'm getting very close to unfriending a whole lot of people who only want to use facebook to snoop on other people and don't share anything about themselves.

Facebook is about sharing. If you're not the sharing type, just don't go on it.

[carolthesecretary]

I feel exactly the same as you, OP. So much so I have deleted myself off all social networking sites.

I feel a million times better. I don't have the most exciting life but I'm actually very happy in my own little world. I really don't need to know the minutiae of my friends' lives, how many glasses of wine they've drunk tonight or the price of their new Joules gilet...

[cookiegem]

It brings out the worst in some people, people I previously thought sane. Dozens of photos of offspring, almost daily, or crap inspirational quotes. Those are the things irritate me.

Deactivate your account or have a huge cull.

[usualsuspect]

I like fb.

I don't really care if you don't

[AgentZigzag]

But if you get all superior about MN over fb you miss intellectual genius like this.

And great games like guess who kept everyone awake last night

[aldiwhore]

If you log onto FB and feel angry within minutes, you have the wrong friends.

Revise your friend list. Revise your family.

If at bare bones you still get angry, then I suspect those self same people would piss you off in RL too!!

Agree with BackforGood REASON isn't really an option if you just don't like facebook in general!!

For the record. I don't have extended family I don't much know on Facebook, I only have friends I know/have known/have seen in the flesh. I delete friends without explanation, sometimes it's a mistake and I refriend, mostly it isn't. If I didn't like what was appearing on my newsfeed, I would (actually) take notes and delete repeat offenders... most other stuff I let go, I roll my eyes a lot and you can often hear me saying FORFUXACHE very loudly when home alone, but meh. It doesn't get to me.

When it gets to me, I get gone, or get deleting. Saying all that... YA neither NU nor U.

[BackforGood]

Not sure why you would think anyone would think you reasonable, or unreasonable.
It's a resource which you can use a lot, glance at occasionally, or never ever use. Totally up to you. Totally reasonable to do any of the options

[WorraLiberty]

To some posters, MN is just Facebook without the endless photos of what they're having for tea anyway

[WilsonFrickett]

Well I love Facebook. And MN. And even oh wheesht now Wilson Twitter.

But that's just me. You don't have to.

(Although I add my usual disclaimer about not getting hooked on Ceefax - that is, stay one step ahead of the DCs, for their own safety.)

[dappledawn]

Not on it, won't do it, why should I feel pressured? MN is much better! and deserves what free time I have, more, IMHO.

[MeSoFunny]

I'm a fb whore.