to resent my husband's employer?

[lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain]

My husband is a teacher. Generally all is well - he really is fantastic at what he does and enjoys it. The teaching part is not an issue. What I do resent, however, is the extracurricular bits that he has to do.

His contract says that he will assist with a 'reasonable' amount of extracurricular activities. As he has always been a very outdoorsy person he was assigned to the Duke of Edinburgh award and Army cadets. Fair enough, he really does enjoy these activities. Ah, but hang on, all teachers have to have a 'sport' (apparently, it seems the definition of sport is lax where some people are concerned) so, as he used to kayak, he's been made a rowing coach! Boats and water, yes, but that's where the similarity ends.

As a result of this he has to do the following outside of a full teaching timetable and associated planning/marking etc:

2 nights a week rowing coaching until 6pm
Rowing regattas (approximately every other weekend during term time)
DofE weekends - about 4 per year
CCF Weekends - about 2 per year.

In addition to this he is also expected to help out on CCF and Army camp...both of which run in the Easter holidays!

Now yes, I know I'm going to get the 'teachers get loads of holidays' from some people, however if any of you know/are teachers you'll appreciate how much of that is actually 'holiday' (especially with dear Mr Gove changing the rules every 5 minutes). I always knew that we'd be restricted on when we could go on holiday but this encroachment on our personal life seems ridiculous. I think I would be more relaxed if it was half terms, as they're only a week and arguably within term time.

None of this is helped by the fact that I have always had serious wanderlust and a lot of the places my husband and I want to go - Vietnam, Cambodia, India (I'm part Indian) are northern hemisphere which means that summer is a write off, Christmas is, well, Christmas and Easter is non existant. Even worse, next Easter is my 30th and we'd always agreed we'd spend it in India but, oh wait, we can't.

AGH! SO frustrated - AIBU to really resent his work for taking the absolute piss? I'm currently sat at home just feeling miserable about it and I can't even moan to DH as he's on a ruddy school trip to Belgium!!!

P.S. For those of you that saw my previous AIBU, I'm pleased to report that advanced toilet training is going well...

[Xiaoxiong]

OP my DH is in the same position, with Saturday school during termtime as well as being away on trips for weeks in the school holidays - but after 7 years has the option to apply for a sabbatical for a term, or alternatively do a swap with a teacher from another school. Most people here take either plan to take the summer or the autumn term off and combine with the summer holidays to have a clear 6 months to go travelling or do whatever they want. Is that an option at DH's school at all?

[PurplePotato]

YANBU. We are in the same position, OH works at a boarding school is head of dept, does games, works Saturdays, and is in fact there right now running a bl**dy rounders match. Last weekend we were invited to drinks at school. It was DS2's birthday, and so I politely declined as we already had plans. OH was told about two hours beforehand that it wasn't optional for him, and so off he went :( There are times when I really really hate it. This week is the last week of term and he will be at school until 9 or later every evening for "fun" activities.

He's been doing this for 25 years now and is permanently knackered. Our plan is to wait until our youngest has left school and then bugger off to another country where the pay is better (and possibly tax free), and use that as a base to travel.

I'm amazed that some private schools get away with what they do. The pay isn't great compared to state (certainly not if you convert it to an hourly rate), and we don't get any other benefits (like free or subsidised housing for example). There is also a LOT less non-contact time for teachers.

The plus side is the small classes, which my OH really loves teaching, and I think the willingness of most of the staff to get involved, and the resulting team spirit is very rewarding. But I couldn't do it.

[PurplePotato]

OP I should add that your OH is very lucky to HAVE a contract specifying his "reasonable" extra curricular activities. My OH has been waiting for a contract ever since he started working at his current school ten year ago!

[Xiaoxiong]

Purple the fact that they won't give him a contract is terrible - how do they justify that??

[teacher123]

These schools rely on a quite extraordinary amount of goodwill from staff and their families. My job was not particularly well paid, and although yes the perks were good but the school OWNED you. There is also a massive culture of presenteeism. You are made to feel terrible if there are things that you cannot attend due to other commitments even if they are on weekends or evenings and are not things like parents evenings etc which are of course compulsory. Contracts are often unclear or not forthcoming and skate over the issue of extra curricular commitments. I LOVED my old job, but once I had DS I realised I couldn't work there anymore. It is incompatible with family life unless you are prepared to put that second for 8/9 months per year.

[PurplePotato]

Xiaoxiong, I suspect OH hasn't pursued it terribly hard, to be honest. He's also only had two appraisals in ten years, which I find shocking! And teacher123, yes that's my point. I hate it because I feel as though school expect OH to put us (me, the children), second. OH likes his job, but it impinges on our family life in a way that it shouldn't.