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AIBU?

School related, and more 'would I be a mentalist if...'

40 replies

OhTiger · 27/06/2013 21:25

I emailed my DD's new Y7 (September) tutor to explain her family?

I guess it's not too complicated, to us. I'm resident parent, and here there is just me her and little DD2 in our teeny house.

At her Dads massive pile house (standard one night a week and every other weekend) she has two older siblings with partners and children of their own, 5 in total, dads partner and her 4 DD's, technically stepsisters I suppose. So it's fucking mental a bit busy, and a teeny bit complicated for her to explain and a black hole as far as PE kits and homework diaries go

We went to meet the tutor evening tonight and it was just me, her and her dad, and tutor asked if she was an only, and then looked baffled at the laughter and 'um, no, there are lots, erm' and there was not really time to explain, and tbh I don't think she would remember anyway as she was meeting 20 other kids. I'm not sure she even got that we weren't together as a family, though she might have

So a quick email to explain? And how the hell would I word it without looking bonkers, as she has this tutor for 5 years now and I like to not look to insane initially, or not bother and just let them all get on with it?

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LynetteScavo · 27/06/2013 22:54

Erm....buy a few and just hand them out when DD requests?

This only worked with one of my DC. With the others, numerous kits disappeard into the black hole which is know at "the changing rooms".

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gobbin · 27/06/2013 23:07

One of my tutor group spends a lot of time at his nan's and I accept her sig in the planner equally with his mum's. He sometimes leaves things at his nan's by mistake though (e.g. "My shoes are down my nan's") but he always sorts it the following day. It's not a problem as I know his circumstances.

Just explain that your DD has two homes and that the planner may sometimes be signed by another adult within the extended family.

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OhTiger · 27/06/2013 23:31

I'm feeling a bit sorry for the tutor now... But if I give her a list of everyone with full names (I hadn't thought of housekeeper til now, but she sometimes gets lumped with homework) that's 8 adults with 5 different surnames... and the homework planner will be 'thrown away by accident' at least a few times a year along with homework yes this has happened

It just sounds so bloody Jeremy Kyle, but it looks so upper middle. And it is a very naice grammar school I worked my arse off to get her into.

I'm sure it will be fine. Best time to send email? Now or September?

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OhTiger · 27/06/2013 23:55

Lynette I can't actually afford to buy more than one of everything as it's all School Shop stuff rather than George at Asda stuff which I could get away with at primary.

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PurpleSwift · 28/06/2013 01:46

TBH i really wouldn't bother. I don't see how any of it is relevant to her education. Tutor was probably just asking out of politeness/mild curiosity.

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PurpleSwift · 28/06/2013 01:49

Also i wouldn't have thought it would be too difficult for you or her father to just sign it? Why would it have to be any other assortment of adults?

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MidniteScribbler · 28/06/2013 02:01

She's going in to grade seven, she should be able to take responsibility for her own PE Kit and homework diary. Having two homes is pretty common, and not an excuse for being disorganised.

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prissyenglisharriviste · 28/06/2013 02:11

What mid nite said.

I haven't been telling my grade 6 what he needs to take this year (nor my grade 4 if I'm honest), and tbh I wouldn't have a clue what they need on what days. I occasionally find a lunchbox in the fridge (oh well, guess he's going hungry) or a PE kit lying by the front door, but unless they call me I'm not playing catch-up for them. Additionally, both of them have diagnosed sn. They still need to learn organisational tricks and personal responsibility.

I wouldn't bother with the email. The permissions form will suffice. By y7 she can explain herself in that tedious 'what I did in the school holidays' essay she will be writing in September.

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Idocrazythings · 28/06/2013 02:12

I don't think you should send an email. It's not your family information to share. If (when) problems arise why can't you say she lives with me most of the time and ExH and his extended family the rest. Your DD might not like you telling teachers about her fathers family dynamics, too, at her new school (shouldn't her father be explaining?).

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McGeeDiNozzo · 28/06/2013 04:24

'Not your family information to share'? I have to disagree with you. It's her DD's DF. Just because they are estranged does not mean it is none of her business. These are people with whom her DD spends time.

OP, send the e-mail - any information about a kid's family background is useful and informative.

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OhTiger · 28/06/2013 09:43

Of course it's my information to share! She's my daughter! Haha. And her dad would not even think about it. So it is up to me.

Based on the positive replies from actual tutors on this thread I shall send the email.

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QueenofallIsee · 28/06/2013 10:53

It doesn't sound that complicated to me - 'she is our only child but she has a large extended step family on her F's side so we operate as a blended family'

And i say that as a family that turns up to DD parents evening/plays/option evenings with 5 guardians

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ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 28/06/2013 12:27

Send the email - tell her who everyone is and tell her who is allowed/not allowed to request information/give permission etc so that it's all there on paper. It's not like you are asking her to sit a test on it later to see if she's been paying attention!

Is there anywhere at school that DD could leave her various PE kits?

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GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/06/2013 12:46

A good idea to send the email I'd say but I think I'd keep it brief. "DD1 lives primarily with me and her sister, DD2. She has regular contract with her father who lives with his wife and their children and grandchildren." I don't think the teacher needs to know the detail beyond that and can ask DD1 about it if she wants to.

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Cravey · 28/06/2013 14:05

As a tutor I can honestly say its important for us to know these things. I like to know what's happening in my kids lives. The kids I tutor btw. It helps with a number of things. Kit not turning up, homework not being done. Letters home. The list is endless. Tell the tutor tiger. It is for the best. Also maybe your dd could learn to take control of her kit. That for me is somethingi specify to parents. It teaches them to take responsibility etc.