To feel completely overwhelmed and on the verge of a break down?
superstarheartbreaker · 13/06/2013 21:45
I am a single mum to a lovely little 5 year old girl. She is naturally very bright, energetic and demanding. I work 25 hours and I want to be a teacher so I am filling out job applications which take forever. I have had two interviews but as I got pregnant straight after my PGCE I am lacking experience so I am in a real catch 22 situation.
I currently work in a school but in a support work role. There is no hope of me being promoted as I was interviewed last year and they said I lack experience. I applied again ythis year and didn't even get an interview.
I have mental health issues (bipolar and possibly borderline personality disorder) and this is imapacting on my personal and professional life. My last boyfrienddumped me after a particulraly nasty anxiety attack that I had. I was devastated......mabe too devastated afetr being together for only two months. I have just just dumped a friend who might be toxic, might not. Basically I have no idea if she is good for me or not but I suspect not and now I have had to be a real cow to her in order to get rid of her. I have no idea what I am doing any more tbh.
I just spoke to the local mental health services today and they can't see me for a month but I may go back to the doctor. I went a week ago and he said I wasn't depressed but I just feel AWFUL , as though all the joy has been sucked from my life. Mabe this is one for MH boards.
DrSeuss · 13/06/2013 22:05
Please ring them. You are clearly in a bad way. They will understand and know what to do to help.
deleted203 · 13/06/2013 22:09
I am really sorry you are feeling so bad, and think you do need some help from your GP. But please, please don't apply for teaching jobs at the moment. You know (presumably) from your PGCE just how bloody exhausting it is, and the incredible demands on your time and sanity. You need to focus on your health and well being at the moment, not on your career. I would worry greatly that obtaining an NQT post would be the straw that broke the camel's back for you. Get yourself back to fitness first.
thecatfromjapan · 13/06/2013 22:32
Well, you sound as though you have A LOT on your plate, and your feelings of being overwhelmed are not irrational.
As far as the BPD goes: I've heard that it can take a while to find the right medication for that. Would a diary help? a. it gets feeling outside of you b. you can chart your moods and see if there is a pattern - which might indicate that "tweaking" your medication is needed?
Have you read the thread on mental health and becoming a mother? It might strike a chord or two. There is a lot of stress in mothering, especially when the children are young, and it is to do with the psychological shake-up of dealing with someone so intimate, small, vulnerable, and so on AND the sheer gruelling, non-stopness of it. And the lack of support that seems to be normalised in our culture.
I don't know where you live but I'm in London and a lot of qualified teachers - with children - work as T.A.s. It's clearly not ideal if you need teaching experience but ... they are doing it because it works a bit better with their lives than full-on teaching. So acknowledge the pressure you are putting yourself under. Sowornout has a point. But it is your decision.
If you really are desperate for teaching experience, perhaps a sideways route? Agency work? But ... that might all be there two years hence, and you might be in better, less exhausted, place to go and grab those opportunities.
Whatever you choose, please do take a moment to pause, mentally give yourself a hug, and try and make a decision based on taking care of yourself, and being kind to yourself. You're a mother - try and mother yourself. Imagine you're many years older - what would you want your daughter to do, if this were her, and she was asking you advice?
I do think that one thing you might consider is acknowledging that you are feeling overwhelmed because you are overwhelmed. It's not you, it's your situation. I may be so wrong here, but I do know that sometimes it has helped me to begin to find a way through when someone has explained to me that I am finding things hard not because I'm a failure, and it is not only hard in my imagination, but because the situation is genuinely tough. Somehow, accepting that the fault isn;t mine seems to take a load off me, and I am then able to assess the situation a little more clearly.
Good luck, love. Well done on getting that PGCE. And total respect for finding the energy to keep churning out those job applications. Look after yourself, my dear.
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