To send DS into school with unbrushed teeth and unwashed face?

[DryCounty79]

He is refusing to brush his teeth or wash his face. It's been 15 minutes and we have to leave now. He's nearly 7 and quite frankly I've had enough of this battle every ruddy morning.

[Fillyjonk75]

I believe kids have to learn what is "part of life" and should be rewarded for getting it right. Then you hardly need to punish them for getting it wrong as they don't. They learn being good is rewarding and therefore want to be good in general. Carrot rather than stick. Otherwise why be good all the time if the goodness goes ignored? May as well be naughty and get the attention, even if the attention is negative. Plenty of parents make this mistake.

Anyway I only punish for deliberate naughtiness, not omissions/forgetfulness. I regularly don't do things that I'm meant to do as "part of life" or forget or don't feel like doing them when I'm meant to, so I allow the same leeway to the kids. Why am I on Mumsnet now? Couldn't I be doing something more productive? Of course I could! While teaching them that it's actually rather rewarding to do the things that are a bit boring.

[honeytea]

My mum sent me to school in my pyjamas, with my waist legnth hair unbrushed and my face covered in marmite when I was a child.

I stood at the gates (she had dropped me off and driven off) crying and a friends mum helped me clean my face with a tissue and brush my hair with the comb in her handbag. Luckily it was the 80s and my legging type pyjamas didn't look too odd.

I never made a fuss about getting ready for school again but it was a hard lesson.

[urtwistingmymelonman]

my boy would happily never clean his teeth if it was down to him.hes almost nine and doesn't give a monkeys even when I tell him they will go black,rotten and smelly!
this causes friction most mornings.
on the plus side my nephews were the same but now they are 14 and 18 they are the biggest tarts and take longer in the bathroom than most girls!

[motherinferior]

Face yes. Teeth no. If they rot in his head you will have lots of tedious and expensive dental appointments. Get him to brush them when he gets up (which is what dental health bods recommend anyway) and then anything else like washing or dressing or indeed breakfast can come second.

[valiumredhead]

I would have taken him in late and then told him to explain exactly what he was late to his teacher.

[Mother2many]

wankerchief: LOVE IT!

Scholes: lololol

I follow through with it too...as they need to learn.

Even unbrushed teeth will cause bad breath, and it isn't pleasant to have someone comment on it...

I don't do rewards for doing what should be done, period... It's part of life.

Learn the consequence...

[Scholes34]

DH once went to work in his pyjama bottoms. That says a lot about DH.

[Fillyjonk75]

DD2 went to nursery (pre-school) in her nightie once as she wouldn't get dressed or let me get her dressed. She only did it once. A reward chart has really helped and she does it 95% of the time all by herself now at 4 and a bit.

Also both DDs have cleaning teeth morning and evening as a current goal. Basically 5 smiley stickers on the chart for any one "target" means a star sticker and £1 extra pocket money. Refusal to do something carries a threat of taking a sticker away...but has never actually been needed other than as a threat.

DD1's (nearly 8) goals are Doing homework without being reminded, tidying up and being helpful, cleaning teeth, sharing with DD2.

She also has a separate chart for piano practice - box to tick for ten minutes practice every day. If every day is ticked MIL puts an extra pound in a separate piggy bank at her house.

DD2's are Getting dressed by herself, tidying up and being helpful, cleaning teeth, sharing with DD2.

[Chivetalking]

I had this twice over. I told them if I got to the school gate and found they hadn't washed they would be taken home to do it would therefore be late and it would be up to them to explain to the office and teacher why.

Solved it instantly

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

YADNBU, DryCountry - it won't do him any harm.

In a few years, he will hit puberty and he will discover girls - and in my experience as the mother of three boys, this is when they discover an interest in hygiene. Then your main problem is enough bathroom time for them all, and coping with the dense clouds of Lynx that will fill every nook and cranny of your house each morning. >

Lord alone knows what the manufacturers put in the stuff that makes it so pungent and so penetrating. I am sure that the neighbours know when the dses put their deodorant on!

[DryCounty79]

Thank you all for your replies! I'm so glad I'm not the only one (although sorry you all have the stress and hassle too).

Scruffey, I think I will take your advice and not make a big deal of it in the mornings.

Minouminou, They are so dramatic aren't they? Mine always says 'It's not fair' when he has to do anything. He regularly follows with 'I always have to do everything around here'. Although he may have picked that one up from me...

[trackies]

yeah def go. I have the getting ready battle too.

[specialsubject]

lots of mum-power here and I am cheering for all of you!

[Buchanon08]

I left my daughter (6yrs) at home this morning as she wasn't ready. I took my son in to school on time as I'm fed up with her always making him late and my husband drove her in when she was ready! Apparently she hurried up with her teeth, hair, socks etc...once I'd driven off and she really didn't like arriving at school once the gate was closed. I'm hoping she will move faster tomorrow morning!

[HarrietSchulenberg]

Yes, ds1 had to go to school in his pyjamas for exactly that reason. He had PJs and shoes on and had to get dressed in the lobby where the coathooks are. In front of the rest of the class as they were hanging their stuff up.

[wankerchief]

I have taken ds1 to school in his white top and pj bottoms . He was in year 1 and was having a strop, he flat out refused to get dressed, he then smirked at me and said 'guess who's gonna be late for work'

I calmly went and put his clothes in a bag picked him up threw him over my shoulder and walked to school a few doors down. I took him to his class put him down, very youdly told the teacher why he wasnt dressed and left. He was so embarrassed. Hes not done it again though, in in fact he gets ready nice and early

[Scruffey]

Oh yes just send him. It's more important to brush teeth at night than in the morning so I insist on night time brushing but don't stress if it isn't done in the mornings. I would quickly take a baby wipe to his mouth if there's any food round it, but otherwise forget about the morning face wash as well if it's a battle.

[kc77]

My mum once walked/dragged me halfway down the street in my vest and knickers when I refused to get ready for school!

[DryCounty79]

I have used the threat of leaving the house/going to school undressed. But it seems to work, as I've not yet had to actually do it.
Although it nearly backfired this morning, he got quite excited about the idea of wearing his pajamas to school!

[minouminou]

No....because he knows I would follow it through.
He got dressed while wailing: "This is the worst day EVER! Mama, you make me sad ALL THE TIME!"

[micku5]

I've taken dd2 to school in her dressing gown. She refused to get out of the car when I walked dd1 in. We went home and she got dressed in a super quick time and has not done it since.

[ThisWayForCrazy]

It doesn't improve IME. DS1 is a minger, this has been going on since he was about 6. I go with natural consequences and if people think he's dirty/smelly then so be it. He doesn't seem to be bothered...

However, if he goes out to meet a girl he takes AGES to get ready and is freshly scrubbed and smelling gorge by the time he leaves!

[bulletwithbutterflywings]

Did you take him? I would have done!

[Pinkponiesrock]

I'm so glad to read this and realise its not just my DS that is like this!