Driving to see friend - terrified of motorway

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I'm an OK driver - not the most confident in the world but OK and have quite a lot of motorway experience.

I live near Manchester and have a good friend who lives in Liverpool. Normally, we meet in Manchester but she asked me to go to Liverpool today to see her.

The last time I went, I was around 8 months pregnant with DS who is 5 months old. I found the drive really frightening but thought it was perhaps because I was pregnant,,travelling home while it was dark and due to the torrential rain

DS and I went today and I'm still frightened out of my wits even though we came home hours ago. I can't sleep as everytime I shut my eyes I'm having flashbacks to the two crashes we nearly had. The motorway was chock full of lorries straddling the middle and slow lanes so I had to spend quite a bit of the journey in the fast lane. Even though I was going at around 90, I still had an arsehole hanging off my bumper. If I'd had to break suddenly I'd have been fucked.

I spent the whole time at my friend's house petrified about the drive home. On the way back, a car swerved in front of me from a slip road - over the unbroken line. I did the most dangerous thing - braked rather than moving out to the middle lane and was lucky not to be rear-ended by a lorry.

When I got home, I couldn't actually get out of the car for 20 minutes as my legs were shaking so much. I'm pregnant again and when I saw DH I burst in to tears as I truly thought we were all going to die on the way back. Coupled with having to navigate an unfamiliar route, my nerves are shredded v

I know this sounds totally melodramatic but I cannot go back in that motorway again. If I do, I'll either kill us all or lose my nerve so badly that I'll have to give up driving.

DH is a very confident driver but agrees that the road between Manchester and Liverpool is difficult as it's busy and there is also a lot of aggressive driving. He's said that I just need to tell my friend that I'm not happy to go on that road and to meet somewhere else. However, I feel really terrible about doing this as I'm normally a very capable person and I don't want her to feel that I'm expecting her to do all the driving.

AIBU re this? My legs are shaking again just writing this post

[LessMissAbs]

OP, I think you need some motorway driving lessons (along with some other posters on this thread). Just go ahead and book them if it bothers you that much.

Then you can be taught to overtake and move back in safely. Why do people keep referring to the fast lane and slow lane? You drive on the left unless you are overtaking. Once you have overtaken, you move back in.

If you find overtaking scary, drive at the speed of the lorries in the leftmost lane and keep your braking distance.

You do sound like a terribly dangerous, panicky driver who reacts by driving even faster. Just book some motorway driving lessons!

[mummymeister]

LessMissAbs - good suggestion but with this OP it aint ever going to happen. I am waiting for the "I have been done by the police for only going at 90 when everyone else does it and its not fair" post. It makes the case for compulsory motorway training and re-testing every 5 years does this post.

[hiddenhome]

The M60 M62 is worse than the M25. They're all nuts round Manchester.

[HibiscusIsland]

Could you set the satnav to "Least use of motorways" or would that take too long? Or get the train.

[Barbarashop]

Can't you just take the A580? (East Lancs road)

[jacks365]

There is an A road alternative but if anything its worse than the motorway.

[garlicgrump]

Apologies for turning this into a driving thread - I'm worried for you and some of the other posters!

sitting in the slow lane behind a lorry with another one boxing you in in the middle lane. If anything happens with someone pulling in front of you from the slip road on the left, you have no where to go

This will NEVER happen to you. Here's why. You will always keep a good long space in front of you. As you'll be doing this by gently touching your brakes, the driver behind will see that you're slowing down and have to slow down as well, and/or overtake.

So now you have a nice big gap in front of you. When somebody moves into it, brake gently again until you've got your space. Keep maintaining your space. Anyone flashes you behind, mutter "fuck you" under your breath but don't let them bully you. They'll have to wait until they can overtake you.

You will see signs announcing the slip roads and mergers. When you see these, you know vehicles are likely to be approaching from the left - so you look over there, repeatedly, as the roads come together. Now you know what's coming on, how fast it's going and you've got a rough idea of where they'll need a space.

If you've done this and absolutely everybody else on the road is acting like a selfish cunt, be the one who averts a crash, by slowing right down and putting your hazard lights on if you must. This is hardly ever needed (or never) because anticipation means you can always create a space for incoming traffic.

I do hope that made some sense ...

[Barbarashop]

The a580 is always pretty clear once you're away from the city centres.

[horseonabeach]

You sound the sort to leave a wake of accidents BEHIND you...

I've driven all over the country too and that stretch between Manchester and Liverpool is the most sedate roads I've ever known!

You're a shit driver OP. leave the car at home and stop pissing off the rest of us.

[cumfy]

Sorry, but your descriptions of driving indicate that you are neither a good or confident driver.

You seem very disengaged from the whole process.

How about taking extra lessons or enrolling on an advanced motoring course ?

[BonaDea]

Yabu because it sounds like you don't actually have the first idea what you're doing! Lorry drivers drive for a living and IMHO there is very little risk in cruising happily behind one.

Pulling out into the outside lane and doing 90 with a 5 month old in the back is idiotic and makes you vvu. Of course you shouldn't pull out and do 70 if that would make others have to break, but if that is the case you just have to wait until it IS safe to pull out.

Sorry you are upset but suggest that you get some proper lessons so you know what on earth you are doing.

[burberryqueen]

just get in the slow lane and do not go over 60....simples.

[MidniteScribbler]

I'm Australian, but I've driven that stretch of road. No experience of it before, but I still managed not to cause traffic chaos and accidents. Stop making excuses for being a crap driver. It's not every other drivers fault that you have no spatial awareness, or understanding of the road laws, particularly the one about overtaking lanes. Please do everyone else a favour and stay off the roads. You're dangerous.

[Jengnr]

Go down the East Lancs instead.

And, no, you don't need to drive at 90 on that (or any other) stretch of road. You're clearly NOT confident and panicked. I'm not arsed whether you were speeding, I drive pretty fast myself. The fact you don't sound safe is a bigger issue.

[CarpeVinum]

I don't drive. But DH does. He is a very good, safe driver. However I trust no other bugger on the road.

I have taken to going to Milan with DS by train, because I'd rather deal with the downside of timetables than be on that motorway.

However.... when fear becomes consuming, and it is stopping you from doing things you want to do with the alternatives not being really liked, CBT is supposed to help some people.

I want to see if I can do it at some point. I quiver the whole time my sister or BIL (both good, safe drivers) (same issue with all the other buggers on the road) pick me up from Gatwick. And it's a bit worse cos it's happening onnthe "wrong" side of the road.

[RocknRollNerd]

I've driven that road - the first time I ever drove it was the first time I'd ever been on a motorway (grew up in a place where there weren't any) and I was driving MIL-to-be's car with DH and his sister in it on their way to hospital where there grandma was dying. It's a scary road and I was really worried the first time I drove it, however you seem determined not to admit that you could use some help.

A couple of years ago I had a couple of scary near-misses driving - neither were my fault. I had driven 100s of miles a week on all sorts of roads for over a decade with no accidents or points but I realised I was in danger of losing my nerve which would have made me become a dangerous driver. I didn't insist everyone changed their plans to suit me, I went online found a driving instructor, explained the situation and asked if I could have a couple of sessions just to help me get my nerve back. YANBU to have found the situation you were in scary, YABVU to be sticking your fingers in your ears and insisting you don't need any help to sort out your driving, even if it's just to get you more confidence.

[AnneTwacky]

Which motorway was stressing you out. As Jengnr said, if it's the M62, you could swap it for the East Lancs Road (A580).

[MrsHoarder]

My first ever motorway drive a week after I took my test included that stretch. It was terrifying, but many that I was given a very good motorway driving lesson and it was easy afterwards.

There's nothing wrong with getting an instructor, telling them you grew up in a quieter part if the country and having one or two motorway driving lessons. Because Aberdeenshire is nothing like nw England for traffic.

[nellyjelly]

Yes the E Lancs. has a lower speed limit and lots of traffic lights so lots of stopping. Not much chance of speeding and is less busy than 62.

[Trazzletoes]

I think a lot of good suggestions have been made. Yy to getting a motorway lesson just to get your confidence back. I have no problem generally driving on motorways but was always a bit anxious about it when I was pregnant.

I have driven Leeds - Manchester - Liverpool many many many times though and have NEVER HAD to drive at 90. If you are overtaking lorries they certainly aren't driving at 80. If everyone else in the right hand lane is doing 90 then you either join them at that speed and then gradually slow down to a speed you are comfortable with or you don't pull out. I doubt that you were absolutely the only car on the road not driving at 90. As I said, I know the route reasonably well.

The only thing you can do about tailgaters is to ignore them and make sure that YOU are driving a safe distance behind the car in front of you so you have time to react to anything. There is unfortunately nothing you can do about the tailgater's driving. Just let them get on with their stupidity and be extra aware of the likelihood they will undertake you given half a chance.

Btw, if it really was as horrendous as you describe ( which I doubt, I'm afraid) then you are being U to say to your friend "I'm not driving it because I felt I was risking my life but I fully expect you to take the risk in order to come and see me."

Either try to get your confidence back, as has been suggested or try alternative routes/ the train.

[ChairmanWow]

Another one suggesting the East Lancs. It'll take you a good bit longer but you'll arrive feeling relaxed and won't worry about the journey home.

[Tequilatequila]

Yabu!! You can do it. You can get over it. You really can!

I had a horrific accident on the motorway where i was very fortunate not to lose my life.. and had to overcome this afterwards to go back to work. Maybe whilst your pregnant isnt the best time to tackle this.. maybe take the train next time.

When you feel ready i highly reccomend booking a driving lesson or two. It doesnt matter how long you have been driving. If you explain you want some motorway guidance and confidence, a good instructer should be able to facilitate that. And its 20quid well spent if it can enable you to be calmer and safer on those roads and remove the panic. Just trust me in that its something you can overcome. Other drivers can be knobs but i see this just as much/ if not more on normal roads and with a little encouragement and guidance you will be totally fine.

Very sorry if this comes across as patronising.. i just hate the idea of you being scared of something forever when there are things that might help you be and feel safe.

Also look into alternative routes until you are ready.. there are loads between liverpool and manchester. If you put into google maps or a sat nav to avoid motorways i think there are still lots of routes that dont take too long.i sympathise with pregnancy hormones too. Dont beat yourself up. You can so do it!

[Tequilatequila]

Ok just reskimmed this in my sleep deprived state. 90 when you are not confident and feeling safe and in control. Wtf? Nobody needs to get anywhere in that much of a rush to justify doing 90. Did you have to overtake? If i'd have felt that unsafe i'd have been sat doing 65 merrily theres nothing wrong with it. Yes you can overtake at 70 safely. Especially if its lorries. I use the motorway most days and rarely have to go over 70 to get past lorries. You dont have to do anythjng. Drive safely and others will manouver around you.
Yabu for driving along the motorway at 90 with a dc in the car and not confident. Very unreasonable. Go slower next time before you hurt someone else or yourself!

[ParadiseChick]

You sound panicky, which is frightening.