Bloody school collections

[turnipsoup]

let me start this by saying my DS's teachers are all wonderful, they deserve loads of appreciation and recognition.
However...
One of the school mums is organising a collection for the teachers, she did the same thing at Christmas, sent us all an email requesting a fixed amount from each parent. (it is quite a lot of money to me, and to some of the other parents in DS's class)
3/4 will go to the teacher who is there 4 days a week, 1/4 will go to the teacher who is there 1 day a week, and a 1/4 will go to the ta who is there 5 days a week.

i think it is realky unfair/unkind to split it up that way, and to ask for a fixed amount from each family. At Christmas the card with the present was only from the children that contributed.

A) am I really unresonable and should just mind my own business and get my own token gift (even though this could go on for years, and it makes me feel really mean for not contributing)

B) send an email or talk to the Mum organising it pointing out that asking for fixed donations is excluding several families, or worse pressuring them to pay what they can't afford? And that I think the breakdown of gifts is actually quite mean, especially to the TA who is there most of all!

C) organise a 'pitiful and poor' collection where people can contribute what they want, and get each teacher/ta a similiar value gift i.e. A nice plant for their garden, bottle of wine and chocolates.

Go on MN, tell me how unreasonable I am

[JKSLtd]

I have opted out of similar at DS1's school.

The organising lady can't quite cope with it and it does give me an inner giggle when she asks me now:

Her: So, I know you didn't last time but, erm, we're collecting for the teacher/ta, so, um...
Me: No, I'm doing my own thing.

Happened a few times now, I don't get to sign the main card but I don't care. If DS1 has a particular idea/preference for a gift we do that, sometimes wine, or we made some chocolate shapes and put them in pretty cellophane bags.

It's not the money particularly, I just don't like being told what to do.
And I want DS to hand over a present so he feels part of it, this money thing bypasses the kids entirely. I don't like it.

Organisey Mum thinks I'm nuts, hey ho

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

When we lived in NL the children were each asked to bring in one flower which made a fine bouquet from the whole class!

[WilsonFrickett]

Aw, that's a lovely idea worry. I like that very much.

[ApocalypseThen]

I'd say if the teacher hears about this name and shame carry-on she'll be mortified and deeply hurt.

[MisForMumNotMaid]

D) create a giant class card and invite everyone to contribute be it a drawing, note of thanks from parent and leave 'organised mummy' to do the selective gift.

[MoaningMingeWhingesAgain]

I gave a small gift at xmas, take in cakes for the staff room occasionally, and gave the TAs little boxes of chocs. I am making an end of year gift this time. It won't cost much. I think it's the bossiness of her rather than the idea that's so crap for the OP. Plus the large budget, 1-2 pounds each for a collection is plenty

[Morebiscuitsplease]

Did a collection but said to give upto £5.00, if they wanted to contribute. Also a few of us clubbed together to EG a voucher at Xmas. Always optional! HTH

[Blissx]

As a teacher myself, I am mortified that some people are 'bullied' into contributing to a collection. I must say, it is certainly not expected from any teacher I know. Whoever it was who said their DC would draw a card, that would be something I would truly treasure. I'm sorry that this happens and just want to put my two pence worth in and say to the OP, YANBU.

[Bea]

If you don't want to contribute... Than don't...
Or if you think it should be done differently... Than you organise...

Everyone is free to do what they want... Don't feel bad if you don't... Surely other parents would understand if it's not for you!

I like to think that we're all grown ups and we are free to do what we think is appropriate... Whether that's £200!! In vouchers... Or a homemade card!
Without giving each other a hard time about it!

[KhaosandKalamity]

YANBU if you feel confident enough to do it I would definitely go with Option B, it must be very hard on the parents who cannot afford it and if no one says anything this will just continue. Sometimes it is alright to stop minding your own business and put you 2 cents in to help someone else out, isn't this what we are trying to teach our children (well there is a campaign about it here at least, something about 1/3 being bullied, 1/3 being bullies, and the final 1/3 being observers who need to stand up for the victim, even if it is just reporting it to a teacher) that when you see someone being bullied (which this is) don't just ignore it, say something.

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

YANBU.

I'd be really pissed off.

From the POV of the teacher, I imagine it would be quite embarrassing to be given a gift costing £300, knowing that all the parents are not exactly loaded. It would make me feel terrible.

I'd say to the Mum "Thanks anyway, but I'm getting my own. I think a few others are too."

teacherandguideleader's post is lovely.

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Thinking about, I find it a bit controlling that the mother has done this. It's controlling how much people put in, controlling how much the TA etc gets, controlling what to buy, and getting the glory for organising it.

None of the above are anything to do with giving a sincere gift of thanks to someone.

[LightTheLampNotTheRat]

What ChocsAway said.