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AIBU?

To think we should have met the boyfriend by now?

19 replies

Primadonnagirl · 16/05/2013 16:11

Have an SDC in early twenties. We are a close family but she lives 200 miles away.We found out about six months ago she was seeing a new bloke, and had been for a few months. she said it was all very casual and I thought it was friends with benefits ..then she mentioned he'd met all her friends so I asked when do we get to meet him. She replied that she'd never ever introduce him to us as its no big deal..fast forward to today and Ive suddenly realised that they've been seeing each other for over a year and still no sign of us meeting him! She's never been like this with previous boyfriends.She will talk about him but only if directly asked. I'm thinking either there's some thing amiss (don't know what) or maybe it's so serious she doesn't want to risk putting him off by putting him through the whole meet the parents stuff. I appreciate she's an adult and entitled to her privacy but this is v out of character for her..any thoughts?

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Chiggers · 17/05/2013 12:23

My parents always wanted to meet my BFs and so I refused to have any until I left school at 16 as I didn't want the hassle, as well as it being my own private business. My DP's were so pushy about meeting my first BF that I moved out into his place just to get away from the irritating nosiness.

I'm a very private person and I rarely tell my parents anything about my life except to say that DC are good, I'm studying away as usual. Other than that, I rarely talk about anything. I'm not a social person TBH and I prefer my own company, DH's and our DC.

Primadonnagirl · 17/05/2013 12:16

I think it is my business to some degree..for example, if she was upset about him I would say "Sorry it's none of my business" would I ? There's a difference between interfering and caring..but I do think I'm over thinking it so will just wait and see...it will all come out in the wash I do hope it's Prince Harry

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pumpkinsweetie · 17/05/2013 11:55

None of your business I'm afraid.

gail734 · 17/05/2013 11:52

Of course it's your natural reaction to think, "Why would she be embarrassed about me? Or is there something wrong with him?" Maybe she hasn't been entirely honest with him about her origins? I'm thinking ... maybe you're terribly posh and he's terribly... not? So she's sort of cockneyfied herself to make him comfortable? Or maybe he's a minor royal and she's told him she grew up in a castle? Anyone who's telling you it's not your business is missing the point. You know that, deep down. But she's your baby! It must be maddening.

Primadonnagirl · 17/05/2013 11:45

Hi Gail734..mm I was thinking if I didn't bring it up perhaps she'll feel more inclined to talk about it..guess I'll just have to bite my tongue. Have simply no idea why she doesn't want me to meet him because I am quite fabulous !

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gail734 · 17/05/2013 11:41

Em... Primadonnagirl - this is pretty much the worst-case scenario, but my best friend did this to her mother with one boyfriend and her mother was baffled. It was because "the boyfriend" was married.
Really hope this is not the case here, but if you're really not judgey parents then I'm afraid I'd be thinking... wife, kids and/or criminal record. But maybe it really isn't "that kind of relationship". Either way, if I were you, I'd just stop mentioning it.

Primadonnagirl · 17/05/2013 11:33

We go and see her about every two months and she comes here about the same..they don't live together by the way so it's probably quite genuine that he's not around..We have also offered to take them out but she just pulls a face and says its not that kind of relationship...maybe it just isn't and maybe I'm just being old fashioned!! But there's a niggle and usually I say listen to your gut reaction....

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TheChaoGoesMu · 17/05/2013 11:01

I'd be a bit worried too tbh. Normally I'd think nothing of it, but the ironing of the shirt bit would make me a little anxious.

ThisIsMummyPig · 17/05/2013 11:01

Well 400 miles is a hell of a long way for them both to travel for a day trip, as I guess she wouldn't want to discuss sleeping arrangements with you for them to stay overnight.

Why don't you have a holiday in that area (2-3 nights) and ask if you can take them both out to dinner one night, and maybe see your daughter on her own as well.

I was engaged before DH met my parents. We had been going out for over a year, and for the last six months I had been living in my parents house. We have been together for 10 years now.

livinginwonderland · 17/05/2013 10:54

eh, my DP hasn't met my parents and we're moving in together soon. he'll meet them as and when, but personally i wouldn't push it.

icklemssunshine1 · 17/05/2013 09:59

I didn't meet DH's mum til after we'd been together over a year. Apparently the only girl he wanted to take home was the one he was going to marry (soft sod!). 7 years later we''re coming up to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary & our DD'a 2nd birthday. Maybe she is like my DH?

Patchouli · 17/05/2013 08:59

How often do you visit? Are you around enough that she's having to contrive to keep him out of your way?

ipswitch · 17/05/2013 08:23

I can see why you feel this way.

I think I would plan a very casual drop in visit..oh we are in the area and would like to pop around or meet for a meal. Very casual mind. Nothing wrong with a vetting IMO. Hes probably lovely.

I always hated intros with BFs and familys. So cringy. Always turned me into a gawkey teen again. The more spontaneous the better for me. And leave your list of questions at home! I remember when I told my mum I had met someone special ( my DH of 20 years) she didnt really get that it was very serious and asked me if he was any good in bed!!!!!! Very out of character for my mum too. This was way before she had met him and really cringed me out! I think she just wanted to know if I was sexually active and this was her way of trying to be cool and hip.

Primadonnagirl · 16/05/2013 16:34

Yes I've seen a picture..of them both together too! I agreeipswitch that it sounds as if she thinks we'll disapprove which is why it bothers me.. Really don't think we are judgey parents and I know she thinks the world of us..if I'm being really honest what is worrying me is she once said something in passing about him really having a go at her for not ironing his shirt..I picked up on this and sort if said "Whaat???!!" and she clammed up and tried to laugh it off ..just feel if I met him I d feel a bit better ..although I may come across as vetting him ..which I am...

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VodkaRevelation · 16/05/2013 16:27

Have you seen any pictures?

Is he definitely a 'he'? Could she be worried our 'coming out'?

Maybe it's coming from him and he doesn't feel comfortable meeting the family.

ipswitch · 16/05/2013 16:24

"She replied that she'd never ever introduce him to us "

Sounds to me like she thinks you are going to disapprove somehow.
Can you think of any reasons for this?

Primadonnagirl · 16/05/2013 16:22

I knew you all say that! ..suppose I just want to know she's not uncomfortable about us ..doesn't think we are going to interrogate him etc.. Or sit there in our onesies eating peanut butter out of the jar...

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valiumredhead · 16/05/2013 16:19

I had been with my now dh for 2.5 years before meting his parents.

None of your beeswax

squeakytoy · 16/05/2013 16:16

"any thoughts?"

yep... its none of your business! :)

or she doesnt see it as a very serious relationship, so she sees no need to introduce him to the family..

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