To be fed up with the way it's seen as OK to belittle/tease children who aren't very good at sport

[Blueskiesandbuttercups]

2 of my children like me are dire at sport,all sport, however they love to cycle,hike etc so are fairly fit.

Their lack of sporty ability doesn't bother me in the slightest as they're all bright,doing well academically and are fit however the attitude towards this lack of ability does.

Ds9 is enduring continual teasing at his lack of football ability,he even joined a team to improve (his idea as he's no quitter) however other team members love to tease him and the other bench sitters at school which does zilch to sort out.Dd is ribbed when she comes last(pretty frequent according to her)and her teacher commented on how she had failed to catch a ball all term in front of the whole class, telling her off(we've tried to no avail to improve her ball skills at home).

What annoys me is if children were to go round teasing children who struggle academically or teachers highlighted poor achievement in other areas in front of the whole class there would be uproar.

The constant negativity just makes it worse.

So utterly fed up with it dp told DS to point out to his two football bullies their lack of academic achievement.Ds is a kind boy but he says today he did just that,I'm not happy but am now thinking along the lines of what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Aibu?

[Cherriesarelovely]

Yanbu. That is horrible and completely unacceptable. Luckily we don't have that kind of culture at the school where I teach or at Dds school. I think it would be totally demoralising if we did. I was not really sporty at school but I am now. I spend alot of time thinking of sporting activities at school that are particularly inviting for children who don't think they are "good at sport". There are also plenty of sporty activities for children who are competitive and able at sport.

[HighJinx]

YADNBU - I too had a very bad experience with sports at school.

One PE teacher used to refer to anyone who wasn't 'sporty' as 'the sick, the lame and the lazy'. Bitch.

I can't imagine any other teacher referring to pupils like that.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

The six of us who were hopeless were referred to as "the drips" in front of all the other girls who then referred to us as "the drips" in the changing rooms. I shall never forget it and I shall never forget you - prize bitch of the PE teachers. You and your sort and your behaviour made my life a misery. And I hope you remember making every girl go through the showers while you had a jolly good look. Not so much hygiene was it; more a little thrill for your underlying tendencies. God it is even more sickening looking back 40 years.

[macreturnofthe]

Following on from my earlier post....

I have always been sporty but not academic or musical or arty - I still don't understand why people think it is acceptable not to put effort into PE because its something you don't like or naturally excel at. The whole teacher bullying thing aside, I had to do maths, music, art etc all of which I was terrible at (and it was 'made' known that I was) were as skiving PE seems to be OK.

I understand not liking sport - but physical activity it so important for health and the comp. side of things - both winning, loosing and team work is so important - we need great coaches and teachers and parental support like you would give to maths lessons.

can you tell this is a sore point for me ????

[specialsubject]

let's make something positive out of this and list the active stuff that you do and enjoy in adult life despite being put off PE at school.

so far I can see on this thread:

ceroc
skiing
sailing
hiking/walking
rowing
climbing

not all of which are pricey. Stick with it kids, it gets better.

BTW I still can't catch or throw despite wearing the right glasses/lenses. Whatever...

[marriedinwhiteagain]

I do see your point macreturnofthe but I tried my hardest at PE and still couldn't do it and the teacher literally ripped the piss out of those of us who couldn't do it. Admittedly I had no problems with the academic stuff but I don't remember those who couldn't do it actually even attempting the homework and I don't remember the teacher laying into them publicly for not tryig. Neither do I remember other girls ripping it out of the non academic girls. DD has had similar experiences and I imagine if she were to ha ha ha at girls who couldn't do maths she would be severly punished but the girls who ha ha ha the girls who can't do PE don't seem to have any sanction at all. It was ever thus in my experience.

I wouldn't have dreamt of calling the non academic girls "thickos" but the teacher called and encouraged others to call the non sporty girls "drips". Doesn't quite stack for me - do you see this is a sore point for me and sport/pe for me doesn't quite come across as a "team" thing - more a taking the piss thing which is frowned upon in other subjects.

[Dededum]

My non sporty DS1(11) got hit in the googleys today by a fast cricket ball. The whole class laughed at him and the PE teacher didn't say anything. He was humiliated and came home in a right state.

He hates organised sport.

[RonSwanson]

it's so depressing that PE still seems to be so awful for so many. What do they teach PE teachers in their training? No other strand of teaching could get away with being so bullish, so ready to humiliate, unable to empathise. They should encourage all children -not just the sportiest- in what is a vital lifeskill.

It makes me so mad that things haven't changed at all.

I love sport now but it took years to get over the awfulness of PE at school.

[dementedma]

Ds 11 is chubby, academic and hates sports and football. He was recently picked to represent the school in an inter-school maths challenge at the local high school. He enjoyed the day but was a bit down on the evening. O asked what was wrong and he said he hasn't got a McFlurry! Turns out that when the headmaster takes the football team to tournaments, all the players get treated to a McFlurry, win or lose, as a reward for representing the school. He asked if he could have one but was told no. He asked me why one person representing the school in sport could be rewarded, but someone representing the school in maths couldn't be. Because the ability to kick a ball is more important than the ability to compute?

[marriedinwhiteagain]

dementedma if I could I'd buy your ds a McFlurry every weekend for a year. Talk to the maths department of the head. It is a discriminatory behaviour in my opinion; put it in those terms.

[Vatta]

Just a tip for anybody whose DC are struggling with team sports and hand-eye coordination: look into dyspraxia (also known as developmental coordination disorder).

A lot of people who are terrible at sport in school end up being diagnosed. Children can get occupational therapy and physiotherapy which can help improve physical skills. Plus if the teachers know there's a specific disability they may be more supportive.

Dyspraxia involves a lot of different problems -sometimes the physical problems are the most obvious, but there may be other (I'd say more important!) problems to do with processing information/planning/sensory overload, so if you have concerns it's worth asking your gp about it.

[MeNeedShoes]

Demented I would raise that with school, honestly. I know people don't want to be 'that parent' but sometimes schools fall into these little rituals without thinking them through. A polite phone call or letter pointing out that your son successfully represented school would do no harm. All contributions to school life deserve recognition and it needs to be fair across the board.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Thanks vatta have thought about that for both me and dd but we can both ride a bike, are both very good at maths, planning, organising, etc.. Although both of us have terrible handwriting and neither of us can dance, neither of us are clumsy and I'm really good at things like sewing and knitting (although dd finds that more challenging but is exceptionally musical and co-ordinated enough to play the flute and the piano) I don't think we are dyspraxic although may be borderline,. I think some people are just crap at sport without actually having a disability and actually I think it's slightly offensive to suggest that if one is crap at sport it must mean they have a disability, mild or otherwise.

[stealthsquiggle]

YANBU at all. DC's school tries (not sure how well they succeed, TBH) to distinguish between keen-but-inept, and hate-team-sports. The former get to play at their own level and the latter get to do sailing/kayaking /climbing instead.

The maths tram thing is just wrong. They should get the same kudos and the same rewards as sports teams. Did he enjoy it though? DS has done a few maths competitions and really loved them.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

We can also both ride a horse well and both of us are crack shots (without being able to hit a ball). Neither DH nor DS can shoot like us and they have been or are county level players.

[Vatta]

Of course some people are just crap at sport without being disabled, I didn't say otherwise!

Several of the people I know who are diagnosed dyspraxics (I work in the field) were terrible at school sport, it is worth considering as an option for people whose DC are struggling, especially if they are athletic (eg good at running) but can't cope with team sports or activities which need more coordination.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

oh well, we're crap at running too - just slow and lumbering even though we have slim athletic builds!!! Perhaps we're just crap like the PE teachers have said.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Oh yes, if one isn't good at something one really must consider a disability. If a child is a bit slow reading or not academically bright does that mean one should seriously considerly when they have special needs or be considered (as it was called in my day) retarded!!! Lovely, not good at sport therefore one has special needs; not very good academically - therefore special needs - Mary Berry would have loved you.

[Startail]

I'm total delighted that DDs school run two PE streams. Basically sporty and rather more relaxed and light hearted.

Suits my non sporty (hikes, swims, does adventurous hobbies) DD1 and does every lunch time sports club going DD2 perfectly.

[Vatta]

Marriedinwhiteagain, you seem to be looking for a bun fight but will have no luck here.

I work with dyspraxics, and I know from my training and from speaking to them that many of them were terrible at school sport - in retrospect a lot of their problems should have been picked up on by schools.

I haven't said, or implied, that everybody who is bad at a particular activity must have a disability. For information, that is a long way from my personal views, and I'm not a Mary berry fan.

There's simply no reason for your hostile and rude tone - if you don't feel that dyspraxia is relevant to your family, then don't look into it. Hopefully it will be helpful for somebody else on the thread who may have concerns.

[Vatta]

Startail, I agree with you on streaming for PE, my school did this for some PE lessons and I think it worked much better.

[treaclesoda]

I sympathise. I was that person who was last to be picked for a team in PE, and who was repeatedly humiliated and called lazy by the PE teachers.

I was in my 30s before I gathered up the courage to exercise again, as I was afraid it would be like school PE. Turns out I'm not lazy after all, I have trained until my muscles are strong, and I can now run long distances.

In some optimistic corner of my mind, I've been trying to convince myself that school PE isn't like that any more, but I can't help thinking that there are still children being made to hate themselves, all because the type of 'sports' played in school don't come naturally to them.

[manicinsomniac]

I am absolutely shocked by some of these recent experiences of humiliation of children by adults on the sports field.

When I was at school I can remember instances of it, definitely. But nowadays?!? Appalling.

I think part of the problem is that sport matters so much to children. There seems to be something innate in them that sees talent in sport as the ultimate contributor to being popular and successful. Right up until the age of 15 or so I would genuinely have switched my top set spots in every other subject with my place in the bottom set for sport. I would have taken sporty over clever any day of the week. It was only as an older teen that I stopped thinking it mattered so much.

However, it is totally possible to encourage and develop all children of all abilities and sport is so important. I totally disagree with the idea of letting children off sports day etc and also disagree that it is the only showcased subject. For example, in the school where I work, we have public plays, public speaking, public reciting, public art displays, public dance, public spellathons, public science exhibitions, public technology and engineering shows, public concerts etc etc. All children in the school are involved in almost all the above at some point in their time at the school. Sports day is also a major deal and all children take part. But on their level (eg an A,B and C 200m final for each age group and an A and B long jump competition etc). All the children are celebrated by all the adults and you get just as many housepoints for winning a C final as for winning an A final. Children who come last in races are cheered over the line (I used to think this was patronising but now see it as sweet) and there are so many events going on at once that no child is being watched and singled out by hundreds of eyes or anything. We also have teams and extra sessions for both high and low ability in sport. Sport for all is totally doable (especially so if we can do it as a traditional and massively sports obsessed school).

I wouldn't go so far as to say that children never mock a child for their lack of ability in a subject but certainly not adults. I also think that, for some children, it is a fantastic thing that they have to take part in something they are naturally hopeless at. I have a child in my class who is so gifted and talented in every area - except sport where they are terrible. And it's so good for them because, tbh, they have an ego the size of a small country and I think lack of prowess in one area keeps them grounded. I have another child who struggles massively academically but is brilliant at sport and drama and gains huge amounts of confidence and recognition through those areas.

We need everything to ensure that children see balance and variety and learn that (almost) nobody is good at everything and everybody is good at something.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

the thing is though manic do you think the sporty child should be allowed to humiliate the non sporty child regardless of talents in other areas? I know the non sporty but academic child would not be allowed to do that to the sport but academic child.

I think for the pre pubescent and pubescent young people to be ridiculed for failing at something physical is far more hurtful than to be ridiculed (which I really don't think happens nearly as much) for being poor at something more cerebral often seems to represent a badge of anti establishment honour. The fact that teachers (PE) jump on the bandwagon disgusts me. I shal be delighted to give one or two of dd's PE a teachers a tongue lashing the day she leaves.

[manicinsomniac]

married - no, I don't think any child should be permitted to humiliate any other child for any reason at all! Unfortunately, there will always be an element of it because they are children and still learning compassion. But whenever it is witnessed or reported adults should challenge, punish and educate.

I agree that children find it harder to fail at the physical but I think I disagree that they teasing is more likely that with a cerebral failing. I actually think the children I teach are pretty good at encouraging and accepting everybody but the teasing and ridiculing I do know of has been fairly even on boh sides. Children love to find a weakness in another child, whatever it is. It makes them feel more secure in their own failings.