To think they handled my panic attack badly.

[bordellosboheme]

Short version is.... I was very sleep deprived, stressed, drank coffee, exercised and came home from work and within about 10 mins was having a full blown panic attack (in hindsight because at the time I thought I was having a heart attack)..... I was literally on the floor hyperventilating, shaking, clutching my chest in pain, sweating.... Dp and dm were there as was ds who is only very little. Dm and dp were playing it down... Dp was in the shower, dm was trying to watch ds..... I was shouting help me, help me and they were both just standing there as I was on the floor... Eventually dm shouted 'stop it bordellosboheme' followed by dp shouting 'snap out of it'.... I made it to the phone as I was going to call 999 myself as I literally couldn't get a breath when it started to subside.... Dp and dm were rather passive.... Am I being unreasonable to think their reaction was crap? Dm later said she was trying to 'shock' me out of it...l was already shocked!!!!! Am worried about their ability to respond to an emergency, they were crap IMHO

[bleedingheart]

I sometimes find MN - and the net in general - very depressing, because of the low social and emotional expectations so many people seem to have, of themselves and others.

Yes to this ^

I would be very upset by the lack of care and compassion shown to you when you were terrified.

[GirlWiththeLionHeart]

I'm so sorry you had a PA, op. I've suffered them since I was a little girl and they're very horrible and scary.

My partner reacted shittily to one once because I had one just as he got in from work and couldn't 'deal with it right now'

I think you definitely need to tell him how scared you were and how his reaction was very wrong.

[aldiwhore]

I once thought my mum was feining a headahce because she was losing an argument.

She was having a brain hemhorrage (sp). Obviously it's something I will never forgive myself for, even though she's okay, and even though she has form (when losing an argument).

YANBU for thinking your family didn't give you what you needed at the time, YANBU to think that if you were all first aid trained you may well have all responded better. YABU to assume that anyone will know that something's serious, and YABU to think they should know what to do.... because I wouldn't.

YANBU to be scared, disappointed and worried about everyone's knowledge and reaction in an emergency situation. That is something you can rectify isn't it?

Must have been pretty scary for you and I hope you've learned avoidance tactics for the future (for yourself more than anyone... stress upon stress doesn't sit well with you!).

Hope you feel better soon. Try and forgive. Also educate your loved ones on what might help if it ever happens again. x

[Potteresque97]

Yanbu, They didnt handle it well and should make it clear they love you and were scared. fwiw, coffee and tiredness make panic attacks much more likely for me (although I drink coffee to try and stop feeling sad so vicious circle eh). Long story short, are you seeing your dr about these issues and getting some help?

[Booboobedoo]

bordellosboheme: I'm in the 'they were rubbish' camp.

I sometimes find MN - and the net in general - very depressing, because of the low social and emotional expectations so many people seem to have, of themselves and others.

How did they know you didn't have something seriously wrong with you?

Are you sleep-deprived generally? Does your DS sleep through the night?

[IvorHughJarse]

I had a panic attack in front of DH once and he yelled STOP THAT NOW inches from my face He said it was panic. I told him what to do if I ever had another (I haven't, this was years ago). But at the time I could quite happily have punched him; it was seriously not helpful.

[bordellosboheme]

And sirboobalot

[bordellosboheme]

Thanks stopmovingthefurniture...

[SirBoobAlot]

No, you're not being unreasonable. But then I think you will get a mix of responses here - between those that have and haven't suffered from PAs. They're horrible, and you feel like you are going to die.

I suffered from them horrifically for years, they are more under control now. Biggest thing that helped me was being reminded that I was not going to die. One of my teachers at school used to suffer from anxiety when he was younger, and he found me having an attack once. He stayed with me, helped me calm down, and once I had, talked me through the science of them; the reason they happen, and what you can do to control it more. He really was amazing.

If it happens again, tell yourself exactly what is happening. Then - this will sound bizarre, okay? - sing. Because of the breaths you take to sing or hum, it helps to regulate your breathing without the breathing being your actual focus, which can make you more distressed.

And do speak to them both, seperately, about how they handled things. If this happens again, you need them to just be calm and stay with you. They don't have to say anything, but just stay calm.

Big un-MN hugs to you. x

[stopmovingthefurniture]

thesefololishthings and cloudsandtrees - Why don't you go and write ridiculous posts on another thread. The OP is obviously very vulnerable and she is trying to establish whether DP's reaction was appropriate. It wasn't. That is screamingly obvious. Her family didn't know that she was 'just' having a panic attack so it is not necessarily 'right' they didn't call 999 without at least trying to establish what was going on. Also, there is a huge difference between useless handwringing (more appropriate for the first time, plenty of time to learn how to show helpful calming behaviour later) and not lifting a finger because you basically couldn't be assed (nothing helpful or good about that; this is not attention-seeking behaviour that needs to be played down and is going to create huge feelings of hurt and abandonment).

[bordellosboheme]

Fake book.... I pad keeps changing!

[bordellosboheme]

Also, facebook.... This is what I think I would have liked to do if the shoe was on the other foot

[bordellosboheme]

Facebook those are the reactions I would have hoped for......

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Crap reactions, yes.

Understandably they were shocked. But they should apologise.

Let them know what you need them to do should it happen again. One to keep DS busy and another to sit with you, hold hand, bring you paper bag to breathe into or just talk you through breathing slowly etc, reassuring you.

[CloudsAndTrees]

So what did you want them to do?

[squeakytoy]

I suffer from panic attacks.. and my husband knows to reassure me and be calm around me.. him going into a flap would not help.

I dont think your mother or partner acted badly or wrongly.

I do think you need to look at why you had a panic attack and do what you can to minimise the caffeine, and trying to do too much on too little sleep.

[bordellosboheme]

I agree stopmovinghthefurniture.... That's the conclusion I have come to too.

[Fakebook]

I used to have a lot of panic attacks like that. Funnily it never happened infront of anyone apart from two times; once at work and once (my last one in 2011) at my aunt's house. Both times the people around me were very caring and made me lie down and helped me get my breathing back on track. The last time everyone thought I was having a heart attack! I think your DH and Mum handled it very badly. Maybe they were shocked? You should talk to them about it tbh.

I can kind of sense when an attack is about to start now. My breathing will go erratic first with my heart thumping. The first sign of it I leave what I'm doing and go and lie down and take deep breaths. You might want to practise deep breathing incase it ever happens again.

[Mumsyblouse]

It is very hard to know as an onlooker when to panic yourself, they may have been concerned/stressed/ worried but not felt they needed to call 999. And -in fairness you did not need an ambulance, so they don't really need to change their reaction to you panicking, do they? I have called 999 myself when everyone seemed a bit frozen and lucky I did before I really lost the ability to speak, but even then I think once I had become semi-conscious, they woud have called it. I hope!

[MrsReiver]

My Mum had the exact same reaction when I had my first panic attack in front of her, she was so shocked and had no idea how to react. It didn't occur to me for a minute to be angry with her, she was frightened at seeing me in that state.

[bordellosboheme]

Oh, and the panic attack came after the exercise, out of the blue, thesefoolish things..... Just before it came on i tried to crawl into my bed to have a sleep... But ds had a major tantrum as he hadn't seen me all day and wouldn't be consoled. Dm and dp were forcing him on me going 'he wants you, he wants you'.... That's when it happened.... I just needed to sleep.....

[stopmovingthefurniture]

On the face of it, this is appalling. So appalling that I have to wonder about the context. You say that your partner watched you having a 'heart attack'. You thought that's what it was, and it sounds like any lay person would at least be alarmed at that possibility. But instead, he took a shower and yelled at you to 'snap out of it'. That would be callous by any standards but if it really was as you say, and this was an isolated incident, then your problems are much, much bigger than you seem to realise. Rather than focusing on whether your DP handled the panic attack well (obviously it was a major fail on his part) I think you need to be asking where the love is in his behaviour towards you. Is this lack of compassion and respect contributing to your stress? Is this the kind of treatment you give back?

I suffered from panic attacks and I firmly believe there is nothing more frightening or more hellish generally. My utmost sympathy. They do pass though. I found books by Dr Claire Weekes really amazing. I think it's called 'Essential Help for Your Nerves'.

[bordellosboheme]

Err thesefoolishthings.... Have you tried having a nap with a toddler and working a lot of hours?

[Wishiwasanheiress]

What would have been acceptable? Screaming? Crying? Face fanning? You think you were in danger. It's highly possible that's not quite how the situation looked to them so they showed the reaction they felt it deserved.

That's the point of a panic attack - you panic. Others look surprised, bemused, confused, embarrassed. It depends obviously but I'm not sure they are necessarily bu?

[CloudsAndTrees]

Their reaction wasn't great, but presumably no one has trained them on exactly what they should do when someone has a panic attack.

The fact that they stayed calm is actually a very good thing. When I've had panic attacks in the past, the worst thing is when people start making it a big deal and over reacting themselves. It is much easier to regain control if those around you are in control.

They didn't need to call 999, so it was right that they didn't. It was also good that they played it down for your sons sake. What would you have preferred them to do?