I was making sandcastles with my 2 year old DS. We had made three with a wall going between each. DS is patting the top of the bucket before lifing it, when a girl (about 3.5) comes and moves his hand and starts patting it. She then put her whole body between him and the bucket and lifts it off.
I bite my tongue.
She then lifts the bucket off, and throws it across the sandpit.
I say to her "if you would like to play, you are welcome to but you mustn't throw the bucket because it could hit another child"
I go and get the bucket, and sit back down. She breaks the sandcastle she has just hijacked DS making. I say:
"Oh dear. You have just broken it. We aren't breaking them - we are making a big sandcastle with walls and tunnels"
She then breaks two more castles (one with each hand).
I tell her that its not very nice, as DS has made those and he is only little so it takes him a long time. She says "so..... Im breaking them"
I ask her where her mummy is (both parents are the other end of the playground sunbathing), and say that maybe she should make some sandcastles with her mummy which she can break, rather than breaking other people's sandcastles.
She then throws sand in DSs face.
I tell her thats a really horrible thing to do and to go away to her mummy.
She goes off, and then returns with her father who tells me not to speak to her like that as she is only little. I ask like what exactly, she flattened DSs sandcastles, and then threw sand in his face. And I summed up what I had said to her (he could only be going on what the child said as he was way, way, way out of earshot).
He then asks if she said sorry, I said no, he told her to say sorry, she did, and then said to me "there you go" and walks away.. As he is walking away, he says to DP (who was sitting on the wall at the edge of the sandpit keeping out of it!) "if youve got something to say, say it". DP ignored him.
The mother then comes over with the child, and in a very loud voice keeps saying "no, we wont go near them, they dont know how to share". After the 4th time of her saying this, I tell her that her DD is welcome to come over if she plays nicely. Then I told her what she had done. She then says "did she say sorry" - I say yes when her father came over. The mother seemed satisfied with that.
DP said to me I am going to get into a lot of arguments if I expect children not to break sandcastles. Its not a problem if a 1 year old comes over and breaks them, but a 3.5 year old I think should know better. DS knows better. I make lovely sandcastles, with tunnels and bridges and walls, and he (and lots of other children that join in) love playing with his dinosaurs in the castles. I have always taught DS its nice to create things rather than destroy them, and he doesnt go around upsetting other children by breaking their sandcastles!!
So am I being unreasonable?!?!!!
AIBU?
to think parents should supervise their children in the playground if they don't play nicely.
thedancingboro · 03/05/2013 18:02
I'd have done exactly what you did O.
I had an argument with a man in the park one day (from your description it could have been the same one I think!). He swore at my child. He was a gent though in that he told me he wouldn't "sort" me out himself, his wife would be there shortly and he would get her to do it 
. I told him I would be calling the police immediately she spoke to me but it was up to him. Obviously his wife had more sense than him though as she kept her distance on arrival.
I don't think you were nasty and I would have firmly told her to go away too.
Yes, I was saying retrain. Even when you talk about soft play and other children wanting to join in with you, it sounds so positive. You sound like you would make a great teacher or teaching assistant or even a childminder.
The parents should have watched her and when they saw she was bored and causing problems around the playground, have either packed up and gone home or started to engage with her and push her on a swing or similar. But not all parents do. Rightly or wrongly. But it's not her fault. I think at age 3, parents should still watch carefully but I accept not all parents do. Certainly not where I live now. When I lived in Surrey, in a very lovely area, it was a completely different experience but where I live now, sadly lots of parents let the kids just get on with it.
Anyway my son is in bed now after a very late nap. And I'm going to watch a movie with my DD as a special treat, so I'm going to try and resist checking back in now, as she would call me on it
I never did say YABU or not. I'm sitting on the fence. But you could probably tell that.
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I think by the time you suggested she went and built castles over there to squash away from you, she'd already sensed your dislike of her and was reacting. Badly of course.
I know my son who is 4 would have reacted emotionally to how it seems you handled things. He wouldn't have thrown sand though. But I literally only have what is written here and my perception.
The way you were speaking was too advanced for my DS and negative, he wouldn't have understood fully tbh either. He's still learning to share and about waiting a turn and about social interactions and the whys and wherefors. He is the size of a 5 year old but much younger.
His sister at the same age was entirely different. I'm not saying it was ok to throw sand and I can see the Protective Mum was in full force. But it makes me uncomfortable how you term her horrid.
Bored/ ignored children play up. They have swirling feelings within and exhibit it in different ways, especially if their home life is difficult. I always try and be positive with them. Probably as I was that child as a kid. Any rejection was taken badly.
That's why I said I'd have built her some to squash. But very early on. And not the approach you took from the beginning. That approach would work well with a 5 year old but not necessarily if they're younger imo.
Are you a School teacher per chance? 
Maybe you should retrain if you're not. My DD would have loved the sandcastles you built.
My way isn't the right way. It's just what I'd have done. As you asked.
I'm not that articulate so I hope what I'm saying makes sense. Anyway what's done is done now. You handled it well once the Dad confronted you. I'd have panicked.
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