To just want a supportive driving instructor?

[BoyMeetsWorld]

I think this may be all my fault but I'm really not sure & DH is saying he's going to phone the driving school & complain because I make myself sick worrying about my lessons and end up in tears after every one....


I'm a terrible terrible driver. I've tried to learn 4 different times with 4 different instructors (I'm now 28) and given up each time as the instructor basically said they couldn't teach me.

This time is the worst - I really desperately want to pass so I can do the school run with my DS. I'm trying so so hard to do everything the instructor tells me. But he says everything I do is wrong: I use a 'pathetic action' when I steer, I grab at the gears, I go too fast when I should be going slow and too slow when I should be going fast, I can't judge distance and he says I don't look anywhere. He shouts at me all the way round or else huffs and puffs and tells me I'm making everything difficult. At the end of my lesson today he told me he just doesn't understand me, I'm very unusual and he thinks I don't look at all. I tried to tell him I do - im constantly looking as im petrified of hurting myself or anyone else, but I don't understand what I'm seeing.

I know he hates teaching me. But when I joined, I told them I was awful & very nervous. I suggested I might be better with automatic after 4 lessons but he said that was stupid. But he can't fix me.

DH says I need to change instructors but I think it's just me. I'm awful & no matter how hard I try I'm just no good. The saddest thing is, in myself, I'd started to feel I was doing much better than ever before. But he still says everything I'm doing is awful.

Is there a driving school or an instructor out there who could work with me? I really do want to learn, I don't want to be useless at this anymore

Thank you for listening & for your thoughts

[BoyMeetsWorld]

Thanks neighbourhood - you're the 4th person who's recommended Julie Martin to me: she must be doing something right!!!

[JeeanieYuss]

I asked on facebook and the selling pages on there, got loads of recommendations for local driving instructors.
My instructor is great, very calm!
Also I chose to learn in Auto, I did manual lessons when I was 17 and it didn't really click... This time I just wanted to pass asap so opted for automatic, it's great, I'm really enjoying learning and should be putting in for my test soon fingers crossed! I 'm 33 now, wish I'd started again years ago but circumstsances weren't right.
Good luck :)

Ps my instructor is from a 2 man company, he left AA to join the other one, I'd def say smaller company/individual better.

[pigletmania]

My goodness your driving instructor sounds rubbish, I woul ditch him straight away e obviously is in the wrong job. Yes try the big me ones like bsm or AA and tell them you are very nervous with confidence issues and ask them for a very patient instructor

[DigestivesWithCheese]

New driving instructor for you. I had about three that didn't work for me (I was extremely anxious) and a woman from BSM screamed at me because I hit the wing mirror and she didn't want to pay for a new one

I found a local instructor who worked for himself and he was brilliant. I passed first time and recommended him to my equally nervous friend - she also passed first time.

Are you on Facebook? You could ask for recommendations on there to find a good local instruction. Good luck. Also, even with the good instructor, I felt like I was crap for months but then, in one lesson, it suddenly came together and I could drive You just have to keep turning up - with an instructor you trust.

[Graceparkhill]

I passed on the 4 th attempt. First had lessons at 17 and finally passed at 28,
What helped with me was a sympathetic instructor ( the last one was female and I preferred that)
I also went for a hypnotherapy session for general relaxation and I definitely think that helped.
A good teacher ( in any discipline) should boost your confidence,not wreck it so I would find another instructor ASAP.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Right well looks like you've already had some pretty good advice.

Please change instructor, it is shocking that he would speak to you like this. You are wasting you money paying a knob like him to bully.

Please report him, think of all the others he is treating like this.

From what you put in your op, I think you'll be a great driver once you've built up your confidence.

I was terrified if learning to drive? Hyper sensitive to the dangers and horrified at the idea if being in charge of two tonnes of metal shooting down the road at 70!

In 45 mins I start the semi intensive that should take me from half way through the learning process to my test in a weeks time!

[Imnotaslimjim]

Goodness, you seriously do need a new driving instructor! I hit a kerb in my 3rd lesson, buckled the wheel, kncked the tracking out and snapped the suspension. My driving instructor LAUGHED! While I know that yelling at me would not have been the way to go,him laughing abut it was a bit of a shock

Follow up on some of the reccomendations you've had here (if you lived nearer to me, I'd reccomend Parry's Driver Training, he's the most patient man I've ever met) and start again fro mthe beginning

[almostanotherday]

Change instructors, I had one (male) who said I would never pass my test for when I had booked it, I had 6 weeks to go, found a new instructor (female) and passed first time on the date I had booked

[MansView]

please do us all a favour and give up driving - it's not for everyone, and it's not a given right that everyone should be able to drive on public roads.

[TheCatIsUpTheDuff]

I got through 6 instructors and 7 tests before I eventually passed at the age of 27.

Instructor 1: showed me his baseball bat with teethmarks in it.
Instructor 2: lovely, but I wasn't getting it and decided to concentrate on my a-levels.
Instructor 3: lovely, taught me to do it fine in lessons but I kept failing tests through nerves. Stopped learning when I moved away.
Instructor 4: mixed up left and right and shouted at me for doing what she'd told me.
Instructor 5: Bullied, shouted, made me cry, told me I'd never pass.
Instructor 6: Patient, kind, calm, reassuring. I passed 10 weeks later.

No. 6 was Bryan Amon, based in North London. I'd recommend him to anyone.

[IEatCakeInBed]

BoyMeetsWorld I'm in Marlow, so quite near to you. I had my 5th lesson today (and I'm 37), nerve racking but good. Roy from MSM is teaching me (someone linked to him above) and he's thankfully patient and understands I'm a bit of a panic-er

[TheVDM]

MansView: I know a few people who were terribly nervous as learners but have gone on to pass and become very good drivers, I feel those that are over confident should be taken off the road. Those who are nervous tend to be considerate drivers.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Mansview is right it isn't for everyone but the OP says,
I'd started to feel I was doing much better than ever before... I really do want to learn so a change in instructor could be the answer. The tests should prevent dangerous or flakey drivers from being on our road.

Fwiw I think that everyone holding a driving licence should sit with an instructor to see if they have any bad habits and if necessary, re-take their test after 25 years on the road.

[Thepursuitofhappiness]

OP that all sounds very stressful for you, I don't envy you and your driving instructor sounds like an idiot.

I am not saying you are in this category, but I do think some people need to review whether they will ever be safe on the road for others. One of the responders to the OP stated...
'I think she will get me through my test and I am a terrible driver - no sense of direction, poor spatial awareness and can't tell left from right or understand where people are going at roundabouts...'

Unless this poster is confident that she will improve dramatically, is it safe for other road users??

Maureen from driving school from the documentary years ago did pass her test on the fiftieth something test... I don't necessarily think she should be on the road as she has managed to fluke a test, but is a danger on the road.

My cousin lives locally and cannot pass his test. He makes ridiculous decisions on the road and has had to be driven back to the test centre by he instructor on one occasion. Much as it is inconvenient for him not to drive, I'm glad that he doesn't for the safety of the community! Of he managed to one day get 14 rather than 16 minor faults one test won't mean his special awareness suddenly improves.

Not saying your in this category OP, but you do need to think whether you honk you can become a safe road user.

[Branleuse]

go for an automatic. I have now after 3 years learning and several failed tests. it's revolutionary. wish I hadn't wasted 3 years on bloody clutches and gears when I didn't have to.

are you dyspraxic

[ophelia275]

Have you thought of going with one of the special driving instructors that use hypnosis to help ease nerves for nervous drivers? There are a few on Google, just type in "hypnosis, driving phobia" or "driving fear". They are supposed to be quite successful.

[LimitedEditionLady]

Im swapping mine too.we get on fine but his teaching style just doesnt suit me.have you got anyone in your family you can go in the car with to practice basic skills?i practice in our family car and it makes me more calm because i feel like im not under as much pressure.im a nervous person too but im not going to give up,look how many people are driving on the roads.you can do it too.everybody has to learn and it doesnt matter if it takes a while youll get there x

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I had three different instructors, due to moves, failed 2 tests. If I had had the third instructor I would have passed first time.

My dad passed on his 5th attempt - and what did the trick was swapping to an automatic

[frogspoon]

You need to change instructor to one who is more reassuring and patient. You are paying alot of money for these lessons- you deserve to be taught by someone who is patient and tolerant of someone who isn't a natural driver.

I am not a natural driver and had a total of six driving instructors, over 200 lessons, and 3 tests. However that was for complicated reasons including an instructor getting cancer and me moving 200 miles away.

I also eventually switched to an automatic, and I would suggest you consider this.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Mansview odfod

[cuppateaanyone]

There is hope, I failed my first 4 tests spectaculary, one I think I failed in the first few mins of the test.
I was also in my 20's and was facing a horrible, unsustainable commute and thought I was never going to get it.
I found a local instructor who had been doing it for years, he had little hints and tips for the manuoveres that I still use today....

I also booked my final test during the day on a weekday, less busy and acknowledged that I was getting more a more nervous so also used some relaxation techniques. Good luck.

[ilovesooty]

Change your instructor. I was petrified of my first instructor and failed four tests through sheer nerves before I had the courage to ditch him. I found out later one of his other pupils had stopped the car halfway round a roundabout to abandon him. It took my next kind, patient instructor ages to undo the damage. I've been driving for over 30 years now and clock up miles in my job, but I really thought with my first instructor I would never pass.

[Stressedtothehilt]

I learnt with bsm I was nervous and bsm made me feel very stressed! But I learnt in automatic after several disastrous manual lessons! Take the pressure off and learn in auto its fab!

[ZolaBuddleia]

"Getting through" the test isn't ideal, I'd think about continuing lessons if you pass this summer to help build your confidence and road awareness.

Everyone learning in automatics, do you have automatics at home? Seems pointless to learn in automatic if you then won't be able to drive your own car.

[Liskey]

Another one voting to change instructor. DH learnt to drive at the age of 35 - first instructor was happy to just drive around but didn't want to work on his poor points, only when he stopped instructor did the new one let him drive around watching him and then agree on points that needed attention - DH then passed test at first attempt.