We were at a Christening a week ago, DP told me today that my son (12 years old) was bullying his son (10 years old) and that someone had seen my son pushing his into a wall and also blocking him from going to the toilet and glaring at him.
I questioned my son today and he told me that DP's son had told him he was going to kill him and that he'd followed him to question him and ask him why and that he'd been in a bad mood and ignored him after that.
DP said a few people had come up to him at the Christening and said they'd seen my son push his into a wall and that my son was stalking him.
I've severely punished my son and have taken his X box from him and will be selling it and have also banned him from auditioning for a play he wanted to take part in.
The problem is my son is still vehemently denying everything and DP says his son had told him that he'd never said to mine that he'd kill him and was crying at the Christening.
Am I being unreasonable to be really angry that nobody told me whilst this was occurring so I could have dealt with it myself there and then? Also that DP has only just told me about it today?
I despise bullying and my son has never done anything like this before and I feel so angry and ashamed that he was behaving this way and other people noticed but I didn't.
AIBU?
to think I should have been told?
blueballoon79 · 29/03/2013 12:41
If ever I bring it up he gets really defensive and stroppy.
He will talk to me about the problems his son is having and will ask my advice, yet when I say what I think he gets really cross and says he knew he shouldn't have told me as I'd use it against him. 
I never say anything other than that I think it's not normal behaviour and that if one of mine were saying/behaving that way I'd be seeking professional help.
I've also said I wouldn't have put the baby into the sons room. He started getting angry saying "He's not going to hurt the baby". I said regardless of that he's made it very clear he is extremely jealous and I don't think it's fair on him to have the object of this extreme jealousy in his room with him.
To me, he needs his room to be his own space to retire to when he feels overwhelmed.
He has a lot of issues with anger also which DP fails to acknowledge.
I do think DP feels guilty for not being there for him as much as he could and he also likes to think he's the perfect parent and is very quick to criticise others parenting methods. His parenting views are very old fashioned though and in my opinion very unhelpful when dealing with a little boy who is obviously disturbed and very unhappy.
When I read the first few posts on this thread, my heart went out to your son. He's the one who's been intimidated, strangled and had threats to kill him made against him. He denied making any threatening or aggressive behaviour towards your DP's son but you believed your DP's version of events rather than those of your own child, which made me really sad. I'm glad to see that things have turned around and everything is much clearer to you now, and that you're thinking things through with regard to your relationship with your DP.
Your DP's son needs help, that much is clear. We can see that. You can see that. It's a shame his family can't see it as fully as they need to. They're probably minimising his threats to kill his siblings and other children because they think he's only a child and won't be capable of it but we've all seen that some children can and do kill others 
. One day he'll be an adult and if his issues aren't sorted out now, they'll only increase as he gets older. Your DP and the rest of his family need to wake the hell up and get that boy some serious help, before he ends up making headlines.
Bit weird that his ex was worried about them fighting but didn't notice when they supposedly did
You've had other posts before about your issues with your DP, but were still willing to believe his story over your ds's Op .
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