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AIBU?

to think this is a form of bullying, but worried about reporting it?

49 replies

mummytowillow · 12/03/2013 18:33

I work in a office of over a hundred people. There is a smaller department within this with 25 of us.

There is a mix of men and women, some in their 20's and some in their 40's (me). There is quite a bit of office banter and we generally get on well.

There is one bank of desks where the banter can become quite degoratory to women and one male in particular (male A in his 40's), just doesn't care what he says. He thinks all women are moaners and control freaks and he will turn every conversation around to everything is a womans fault. He has been warned by other female colleagues he is overstepping the mark but won't change.

Today I had to ask another colleague (male B in his 30's) some advice, this colleague is also involved in banter. He completely overreacted to the question I asked him and totally humilated me in front of the other people on the desks.

It got the point where he was making a scene so another male colleague stepped in and gave me the advice (he is not involved in banter). But for the rest of the afternoon (about two hours) Males A&B poked fun at me, made degoratory comments, said I'd got things wrong and generally made my afternoon a misery.

I looked at them both and told them I didn't think this was funny, and to stop. They ignored me and carried on, to the point the other three males on the bank of desks were embarrassed and obviously didn't know what to do.

When I'm angry I tend to cry, and I could feel the tears coming, they couldn't see them, but knew I was upset and got worse. I reiterated I wanted them to stop they didn't.

Hometime came and I packed up (I hot desk as I finish earlier) and said cheerio and went home. Their behaviour played on my mind all night to the point I couldn't sleep and worried on the way to work. I'm no walkover but this got to me.

This morning male B approached me in front of others and said 'morning grumpy, are you going to be nice today'. I chose to ignore him and he had to walk off. Male A had already admitted to another colleague they had both gone too far with me and that I was upset when I left work.

I emailed Male B (as he had been the worst) and told him I was upset and his behaviour was unacceptable and he ignored the mail then choosing to ignore me for the rest of the day. Male A spoke to other colleague and she told him he was out of order, she felt he was testing the water and he denied any wrongdoing and said it was 'harmless banter'. She wants me to speak to their line manager and see what they can do, as neither of them are willing to stop their behaviour.

I'm scared of doing this as I'm worried other colleagues will find out, and I don't really want them to get into trouble, I just want them to realise they can't do this to the women in the office. I'm also worried they will close ranks.

As I go along with some of the banter (just general funny none degoratory stuff) will they use that against me?

Friend advised speaking to our female manager and just mentioning the incident and see what she says, then make a decision on whether it goes formal.

Any advice would be great thanks (go easy on me though)

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bringbacksideburns · 14/03/2013 09:34

Yes definitely complain to the Manager when she gets back.

They sound like a couple of pathetic overgrown schoolboys. Do not let yourself be intimidated. It sounds like there are several people in your team well aware of how bad they are. I think they need to all be called in and this should be sorted out once and for all.
Zero tolerance. Any further aggressive behaviour and unwelcome 'banter' and report immediately.