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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's really quite odd when grown women talk about 'besties'?

70 replies

HerLordship · 05/03/2013 08:09

Have n/c for this but I am a regular

I've known a friend for a couple of years. I like her and enjoy her company and think we are generally pretty close. Our DCs get on well. We are both 36.

However, she has 2 best friends, whom she calls her 'besties', and she talks about them all the time. She'll say things like 'I'm going to Frankie and Bennys on Saturday with X and Y, obviously it's just the three of us though as we're all besties, so you wouldn't be able to come'. And whenever we chat she mentions both of them, and says 'My bestie, X' or 'My bestie, Y' whenever she mentions them. I'm never allowed to go to any event or meet up where both 'besties' will be. She once invited me round for lunch to hers but then cancelled on the day as the 'besties' asked her out to lunch elsewhere, and she has said they get priority.

On Facebook if the two besties reply to her status she always says things like 'Thank you my wonderful bestie', or if she has met them both then her statuses say about 'meeting up with the besties'

It's fair enough that she has these best friends, and makes it plain to me I'm not a best friend. However am I alone in thinking it's rather odd for women in their thirties to still be calling their best friends 'besties' and for being so possessive over them. Even my teenage daughter and her friends don't behave in that manner!

OP posts:
Witchesbrewandbiscuits · 05/03/2013 09:04

lol i have so say i have "besties" but i dont publicise this at every opportunity and certainly wouldnt exclude another friend because of it. it is a bit bizarre in all honesty.

curiousgeorgie · 05/03/2013 09:04

My best friend of about 15 years call each other 'besties' in cards etc, in a generally jokey way.

But to say it as a way of exclusion is very high school...

Latara · 05/03/2013 09:05

That sounds horrible to treat you like that; & also very immature.

I'm 36 & i suppose you could describe 2 of my oldest friends as my 'best' friends but i don't refer to them as 'besties' (cringe) & i definitely would never treat my other friends badly!

She sounds like she is still at school!

LondonNinja · 05/03/2013 09:08

YANBU. She is rude.

Tell her you don't want to be anyone's second bestie! (Do people actually use that word past the age of ten?!)

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes · 05/03/2013 09:09

What a total fandan. Why are you friends with her at all?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 05/03/2013 09:15

I don't have as much of a problem with the word 'besties' as with this:

'it's just the three of us though as we're all besties, so you wouldn't be able to come'

and cancelling on you at the last minute in favour of them.

She's a cow and needs to grow up.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/03/2013 09:18

Is she 5 yrs old?

Cancelling on you for lunch with her 'besties'? Downright bloody rude. I can't believe you even bother with her, she sounds like a twat.

Imaginethat · 05/03/2013 09:26

Ugh what an idiot. I don't know how you can stand being round her. I actually find best friend talk, of any age, ridiculous and anti social. In grown women it is absurd.

kerala · 05/03/2013 09:30

Pathetic I would be embarrassed for her. But then I cringe when any adult uses the term "best" friend. Surely rounded adults have nuanced relationships with lots of friends from various bits of their lives singling one out as "best" sounds needy and playground to me and is also pretty rude to other friends.

I know people that refer to old student friends as "best" yet they hardly see them and when they do spend the next few days complaining about them as they have obviously drifted apart. I think sometimes old friends get elevated out of nostalgia whereas the (real) local friends that you see all the time, go out for drinks and family days out with never assume this mythic status.

eavesdropping · 05/03/2013 10:19

I thought this was just going to be an AIBU about the term "besties" and was ready to tell you YANBU, it's utterly vomit-inducing.

But this woman is being an absolute COW to you. Don't let yourself be second best anymore. In fact I would be tempted to give her a taste of her own medicine...arrange something with her (would need to be something she really wants to do, so you won't be dropped for the beasties besties) and then cancel on her at the very last minute as you have a better offer.

In reality I probably wouldn't do that, but I wouldn't make any more plans with her.

Feminine · 05/03/2013 10:23

op drop this woman.

She sounds totally peculiar.

Its very similar to how little girls behave, and yet she is 36?

This is not an up building situation is it? it makes for sour reading..how nasty to have to live it.

and so ... its a YANBU from me!

GeorgianMumto5 · 05/03/2013 10:27

What bizarre and annoying behaviour! The word 'Beastie' makes me cringe (it's up there with hun), so YANBU and even more YANBU because this woman is rude and odd.

BumBiscuits · 05/03/2013 10:44

Three is a bad number for 'besties' cringe

It'll be fun when they all fall out.l

thegreylady · 05/03/2013 10:48

Such a silly word for an adult to use. Does she see nice doggies or feed the duckies too?

SneakyNinja · 05/03/2013 10:54

Urgh! This thread isn't really about the term 'bestie' though is it? It's about your friend being a dick.

Yanbu either way though. The term 'best friend' has always made me cringe a little inside.

AnaisB · 05/03/2013 11:03

I came on ready to say YABU - I don't use the word myself, but it doesn't bother me. After reading the OP YADNBU - she is ridiculous.

blonderedhead · 05/03/2013 11:09

Smacks of deep insecurity to me. I wonder if the other two are slightly closer and she's afraid of being left behind if she doesn't grip on as tightly as she can.

I know someone like this. It is a bit sad and yanbu. If you really like her then just see how it goes but otherwise... back away slowly.

GuyMartinsSideburns · 05/03/2013 11:22

Ive just been going through the very same thing! Known this woman for a good 10 years or so (Im nearly 31, her nearly 33, her dp and my dh are mates and worked together so we were kind of mates because of that) anyway she'd come out with the exact same things - going on about her 'bestie' and like you, not inviting me along to anything where her bestie would be, it was all very seperate. Id suggest daytime things eg going into town, walks, meals etc and she'd agree, but would only want to see me of an evening for wine, or if there was a works do and she needed someone to sit with....

Anyway despite my attempts to ignore being left out, or the snide comments directed at me but in the guise of 'I didnt mean it like that/ you're taking it the wrong way' etc and blatant lies Ive just ended the friendship. I feel a bit mean (though I wasnt mean to her, she plays a very good 'poor me' and I seem to be feeling guilt for finally standing up for myself Hmm ) but I think its for the best. Proper friends want you to be happy, feel good about yourself, and involve you.

I recently met a couple of women who are downright lovely, and within a matter of months the friendship is just how it should be - theres no 'one upmanship' crap going on, and we all involve each other in things or at least extend the invite. I think meeting these 2 gave me the confidence to realise that its really not been me that had the weird issues, but the 'friend' who obviously liked to put me down to make herself feel better.

Sorry for the long post Blush but for so long I thought I had a problem and was unable to make friends with anyone Sad

Smudging · 05/03/2013 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

member · 05/03/2013 11:36

She's trying to exert power over how much you "try" in the relationship in the hope you'll attempt to become a bestie.

These besties may be friends of long-standing, but I bet they feel a bit bullied or manipulated. Does this woman voice a lot "I don't give a shit" type opinions by any chance? I may be projecting slightly Blush, but this reminds me of a vile woman that I once knew.

Original poster
HerLordship · 05/03/2013 11:40

She does, yes, member. Lots of very outspoken opinions...

OP posts:
idococktailshedoesbeer · 05/03/2013 11:58

She sounds very insecure. I couldn't be bothered with this, at all. I'd move on...

navada · 05/03/2013 12:00

Do woman really try & control other women in this way? I've never had a very close female friend so this all sounds very odd to me.

But in answer to the question - yes, the word 'bestie' is rather silly.

BibiBlocksberg · 05/03/2013 13:11

YANBU at all OP, the word alone makes me cringe and the behaviour of your friend sounds very childish. Someone I know appointed herself my best friend recently and now signs e-mails to me 'bestie'

Makes my toenails curl every time I see it, especially considering the way she treats me is nowhere near how a best friend would behave. If I'm her best friend I'd hate to see how she treats her enemies :)

member · 05/03/2013 13:29

I do tink referring to bestie is silly but could probably overlook it if she sounded nice/giving in other respects.

She sounds horribly like the woman I referred to in my earlier post who has been known to delete supposed friends out of her life as casually as if they were merely an online acquaintance. She's already putting you down, ditch her - she's trouble/hurt in waiting.

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