Ds is just over three and a half. He has a chart for good behaviour and a few small chores. Once his chart is full every month or so he gets to choose a little prize for around ten pounds. Since he started the chart a few weeks back the thing he has wanted is the my little pony train. And at the moment it is on offer massively reduced on amazon.
He likes trains. He likes ponies. In his mind it seems a good plan. However I am not so keen. Not because it is a "girls'" toy really (we have many toys that could be considered traditionally a girls' toy) and I firmly believe that children should be able to play with what interests them. Usually.
I'm just a bit concerned he may be laughed at by other boys. Ds has stayed home with me and only has a couple of sessions at nursery a week. Consequently he is less streetwise than many of the other children. I suppose when we have playdates I could put it away, but I can see him being so pleased with it that he tells everyone at nursery.
He is already a bit the odd one out because he is quite sensitive and quiet. I don't want to give them any other reason to consider him different. Sad that I have to think this I suppose.
Wibu to not get him this?
AIBU?
To NOT buy this toy for ds because it is a girl's toy?
Whatsdoneisdoneisdone · 04/03/2013 17:42
even...Can't help finding the idea of a 3 year-old with a behaviour chart and chores rather 
.
He is going to have to get used to interacting with other children, good and bad. If you already think he is rather quiet and sensitive you won't do him any favours by trying to 'manage' that process.
If he's actually allowed to choose, let him choose.
As he gets older teach him to say 'Toys are for everyone. Not girls or boys.' And to not listen to silly people.
This is what I told my niece to say to boys who told her that castles and swords are for boys.
I'd imagine that part of what upsets you about the other boys being mean to him is that it tells him (unfairly) that there's something wrong with your ds being who he is, liking what he likes, behaving how he behaves. I imagine you're afraid that he'll internalise that message and his happiness and self-esteem might suffer.
It's clear that your intentions are good and I know it's awful to see your lovely child being the odd one out. But you have a choice to make here:
You can be one more voice (the most powerful one he knows) reinforcing the hurtful, damaging message that there's something 'wrong' with being a quiet sensitive boy who likes My Little Pony, by making him choose a different reward.
Or you can use your position as his mother, probably the most important person in his whole world, to affirm his choices and his right to be who he is and play with what interests him. You can't keep him entirely safe from being picked on at school (believe me, I understand how much you want to ) but you can make sure he knows that in his own home, he can be who he is, and nobody is going to judge him for it.
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YABU - get him the toy, It's more important at his age for him to know mummy keeps her promises.
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