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AIBU?

To think that Esther Rantzen justifying her affair with a married father of three

113 replies

Fleecyslippers · 22/02/2013 21:26

Is pathetic and self serving and nauseating. I hadn't realised her marriage started as an affair.

I dislike her even more now.

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ohcluttergotme · 23/02/2013 20:25

I watched this last night and just felt ER was so garish about the affair. I don't agree with affairs I'm off the camp that if you are unhappy in your marriage and having thoughts of being with someone else then the kindest thing to do is leave. But that isn't what made me dislike ER so much last night. It was the fact that this went on for 8 years and during that time she acted as a friend to the 1st wife. That would be the thing that would cut me up, the deceit, thinking back over conversions. Thinking how could you be so blind, so stupid. How could the people who you thought cared about you do this to you.

swallowedAfly · 23/02/2013 17:50

it's horrible megatron.

pretending affairs such as this one is just poor star crossed lovers is ridiculous. lying, cheating, betraying for 8 years. carrying on climbing in bed with your wife at night. carrying on pretending to be the woman's friend and coming into her house, letting her cook for you, letting her invite you to spend time with her children.

i don't understand how anyone can go ahhhh but they loved each other.

it is vile behaviour and i don't believe any decent person could indulge themselves in such a way with so little empathy, compassion or conscience.

you'd have to an especially selfish and entitled person to do this imo.

i'm a zillion miles from a saint and i have never and would never do this. unless you're capable of behaving in such a way yourself i'm not sure how you can defend it

onedev · 23/02/2013 17:41

That is horrible Megatron.

Megatron · 23/02/2013 17:13

They never did really get together in the aftermath Imperial. Her mum (my aunt) had suspicions and asked my cousin if anything was going on and my cousin and my ex then came to me and told me that if my aunt said anything to me that it was rubbish and it was only because they had fallen out. She then kept coming to my house a couple of times a week for abut a year after until I caught them.

ImperialBlether · 23/02/2013 16:27

Megatron, that must have been absolutely awful for you. Do you mean you asked them beforehand if anything was going on? There were rumours about them and she still came to your home?

Are they together now?

swallowedAfly · 23/02/2013 16:27

must say the idea that people having morals and ethics is 'horrible' is still twisting my head.

swallowedAfly · 23/02/2013 16:26

you don't forget.

you don't forget your dad disappearing off with some woman and letting you down and leaving you in the aftermath. you don't forget your friend being put through it. you certainly don't forget it happening to you and especially when you have children and your whole life is changed and shaped from there on by the fact their actions broke up your family and totally changed what you thought was your life.

if you are unhappy in a relationship you should leave - not just wait till you find another bed to jump into.

flippinada · 23/02/2013 15:52

I don't think I'd forget something like that either.

Megatron · 23/02/2013 15:25

It was a really shitty time to be sure. It was 16 years ago and I still think about it. I can say in all honesty that the affair, though awful, didn't hurt as much as the betrayal by both of them.

flippinada · 23/02/2013 15:21

For affairs, not "got". Smartphone playing silly buggers again.

flippinada · 23/02/2013 15:20

How horrible Megatron.

I've been defending ER on here as I feel women often get more blame got affairs than men, but in truth I don't understand how someone could do that to a friend...or anyone, really.

Megatron · 23/02/2013 15:15

flippin absolutely. I felt as though they'd been laughing at me. She was like my best friend as well as my cousin and apparently they'd been at it for years. She looked me straight in the eye and promised me that the rumours were just gossip and that they would never do that me. He laughed at the very suggestion. Then I caught them at 2am one night when I got up for a wee.

cjel · 23/02/2013 15:10

Affairs are wrong. End relationship. start new. Why not? It really is that easy that necessary and can't understand all excuses for it not to be that way.

flippinada · 23/02/2013 14:57

Megatron that's awful. I think in some ways that the betrayal of friendship and the deceit is the worst aspect of it.

flippinada · 23/02/2013 14:55

I would agree that having an affair is not nice behaviour and a pretty awful thing to do.

But he's the one who was married with children, not her.

Megatron · 23/02/2013 14:51

The affair thing is less of an issue for me. NOT saying that it's right by any means but we all do stupid things sometimes.

My issue is the deceit and lies and offering friendship to someone whilst shagging their husband. My ex had an affair with my cousin. I was heartbroken about the affair but totally devastated by their dishonesty and the fact that I'd been made a total fool out of. She would stay with us and sit drinking wine with me chatting for hours. Then they would fuck like rabbits while I was on the shower etc. I don't think I'll ever really get over that side of it, even though it was years ago.

babyfirefly1980 · 23/02/2013 14:48

I agree swallowedafly...that is truly cold behaviour. They both could have told his ex wife the truth way before they did, to carry on for years behind her back shows a callousness not alot of us have.

Actually cogito I would feel as disgusted by a man doing the same as ER. I would certainly not pat him on the back.

swallowedAfly · 23/02/2013 14:28

it doesn't get more misogynistic than to fuck someone's husband behind their back whilst smiling to their face for years. you have to truly think men are everything and women not worthy of any respect, concern or loyalty to behave that way.

swallowedAfly · 23/02/2013 14:27

nah cogito - pretending to be friends with a woman, being invited into her home and shagging her husband and then continuing to be 'friends' with her and visiting her home and children whilst continuing to shag her husband for 8 years shows some very misogynistic double standards.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/02/2013 14:18

Being an OW is the last taboo and exposes very misogynistic double-standards. A man confessing to have had a long term affair wouldn't get anything like this kind of hate-fest, especially if he was single. Would be written up as a 'ladies man' and probably patted on the back.

ImperialBlether · 23/02/2013 13:59

I don't think it's that, LittleEdie. It was the way she said on tv that for 8-9 years she was having an affair with Desmond Wilcox and at the same time visiting their family home and spending time with his wife and children, who clearly were clueless. She said, "Oh I felt so bad" but personally I thought it was disgraceful that a) she did it and b) talked about it on tv.

LittleEdie · 23/02/2013 13:48

People on here are often very sanctimonious about affairs.

So if you've done something that's not right you should hide away in shame?

You should only do charity work if you've lived an unblemished life?

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/02/2013 13:42

"Few people are like Esther Rantzen and set themselves up as champions of all that is right and good and paint a persona of being beyond reproach."

YABU She's never made herself out to be a saint. She's spearheaded a lot of good work in her life but that's not the same thing at all. People have affairs. Human beings are fallible. Grow up.

WhatsTheBuzz · 23/02/2013 12:46

*in a non-violent relationship.

WhatsTheBuzz · 23/02/2013 12:44

I reckon most people who think along the lines 'sometimes these things happen' or are actually trying to justify having an affair themselves would not be so forgiving if their husbands/partners were playing away. There is never a good reason to do that to your other half, let alone any children involved. It may not be evil but it's obviously very, very wrong.

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