To think that a 7 year old can be expected to

[Verycold]

Be quiet during a show. And even if it is a show mainly for children, you still shouldnt chat all the way through it as if you were in front of your telly at home.

[hazeyjane]

...oh and that everyone has a right to take part in activities that are part of everyday life, whoever they are.

[BumpingFuglies]

what antevil said

[JulieMumsnet]

It's Friday. Be calm.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

OMG I just read my post. I sound like such a snob!

It's true though.....

The post, - not the snob bit.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Wasn't there talk of a MN campaign to address issues like those raised by cardibach's comment?

[auntevil]

I think we are being calm.
What we are is frustrated that there are comments allowed that are clearly stating that our children should not be allowed to be part of general society.
If that comment had been said to me in person, I would not have remained so calm!

[YouTheCat]

Parents need to take some responsibility, SN or not, that if their child is being really disruptive, then they should take them out.

But people do need to be more tolerant. A few tics and noises isn't so major in the grand scheme of things.

[cardibach]

SO I'ma liar too, Bluebird. Nice.
*Julie8, I think I am being very calm for someione accused of being a disablist liar.
I didn't say people shouldn't take their children if they have SN. I implied people shouldn't take their children if they can't behave in a way which is appropriate for the event. Whether they are NT or have SN. My contacts with those with SN are through teaching. As part of that I direct school shows. We invite all the local promaries, including a Special Unit, to our Matinee. Nobody has ever chatted through the performance, and that is with a far lower adult to child ratio than you would find in a regular cinema or theatre. My point, for the hard of understanding, was that it is perfectly reasonable to expect people - all people, regardless of age or other circumstnaces, to behave in a way which is appropriate to a cinema/theatre. Yes, hazey, everyone has a right to take part in activites, but also eveyone has the right to the enjoyment of them free from disturbance.
It is a conundrum. I am offering no solutions, or suggesting any blanket rules.

[valiumredhead]

Depends on the child, depends on the show and depends how boring it is.

[WarmAndFuzzy]

Apart from the fact that I don't believe that kids going to kids shows are ever going to be 100% quiet and well behaved, why is it that it's assumed that all badly behaved kids are SN? I've got two DSs, both ASD and they're both very well behaved (in cinemas and theatres anyway). DS2 had selective mutism as part of his original diagnosis so not really the talking in public type. It's a wide and varied spectrum, and people can't make those assumptions.

In any case, SN or not, kids mostly find it difficult to contain their excitement and not talk sometimes. If you get annoyed by that, as suggested before, there are plenty of showings at a later time or of grown up films that you can watch and only be annoyed by the adults talking through films.

[CoteDAzur]

If anyone needs reminding, OP is about children chatting all the way through the show, not SN children making a few noises.

[DameMargotFountain]

thank you Cote

and the OP states it was show mainly for children...

OP come back, which show was it?

[JulieMumsnet]

We're just sending you an email, cardi.

[theodorakisses]

I have felt strongly about this since a few years ago when a little boy was chattering at the cinema and someone turned around and told him to shut up. His little face crumpled and it was awful. SN or not, go to kids film and expect kids. I know there is bad behaviour (and loud parenting!) but i never want to see a happy face crumple like that again.

[isthatallyouvegot]

In all honesty I actually get more annoyed at the adults/teenagers who sit there constantly bleeping on their mobiles while telling everyone on facebook all about what they are watching, what they have just eaten, how many times they have been to the toilet....drives me insane because they are at an age that they should (possibly) know better. As for a child (with SN or not) who is very excited because it may be there first time there, just learning how they should behave in various situations, BEING a child??? , I would expect it and it wouldn't bother me one bit....but then I am a very patient, understanding, open minded person....and I am guessing you are not otherwise these miniscule (not even worth moaning about) things wouldn't be an issue would they?

[hazeyjane]

Ok cardi, well I am making a suggestion, which is that we as people in society need, sometimes to accept that others in society might sometimes act in a way that might disturb us or in a way that isn't 'normal', but that it is easier for us to change our attitude,than it is for that person to change their actions.

Cote, I don't think anyone was under the impression that the op was about anyone with sn, but as someone pointed out, some 7 year olds with sn,might struggle to be quiet. It was the subsequent comment that even children with sn shouldn't be allowed to spoil other's enjoyment, that has provoked all the comments. My attitude, is that it wouldn't spoil their enjoyment if they were a bit more accepting.

[theodorakisses]

I think soft play should be conducted in silence as well, what a dreadful racket

[Catsdontcare]

I'm fairly intolerant of other people's noise in all sorts of situations. Generally I know I am over sensitive to background noise. I don't like others talking at the cinema I can't block it out, others can. My solution is I don't go. I'm fine with this, maybe those who can't control their lack of tolerance should stay home too.

Oh and to say all people should be able to behave appropriately regardless of their circumstance is frankly dumb given that sometimes having SN means not always being able to be in full control of your behaviour.

[CoteDAzur]

Theodora - I doubt that you can blame the stranger who told that kid to be quiet. The adult accompanying him should have said it earlier, possibly in a nicer way, and his face wouldn't have crumpled.

It is not reasonable to expect people to suffer unacceptable behaviour just so a child's feelings won't be hurt.

[HelenMumsnet]

Morning. Just to clarify, we have no problem with anyone expressing annoyance at being disturbed during a show and no problem with folks countering that children might be expected not to be silent during a children's show.

We do however have a problem with anyone saying "it is unfair on others if your child's particular SN mean they spoil the event for everyone else".

We would regard this as disablist (although we do understand that the poster concerned may not have intended it to be) because SN children clearly have as much right as NT children to attend children's performances.

[YouTheCat]

Glad that's clear then

[silverfrog]

( ahem, children with SN not SN children )

thanks, Helen.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Juliemumsnet, it might be Friday but for the majority it is last day of school Friday, which generally ain't calm!!!

[EmpressMaud]

Yes, quite right. But it also depends, as somebody has said, on how the parents are handling the situation.
Though if it's at something like a matinee geared towards children, you can usually expect a little talking and so on, so I would expect it almost and be fairly tolerant.

[bochead]

If it's a kids film and the seats are full then it's inevitable that at least one child is going to have one of "those" moments that makes people cringe. It's just life tbh. If you can't handle the inevitable ocassional lapses from grace, avoid environments where large numbers of kids are likely to be present. Simples .

Recently I was horrified at the behavior of a friends 6 year old in a coffee shop. She has no disabilities but is only 6 and was just having a bad day as kids do. She's a child, not a machine and it happens. Normally the child in question is an absolute joy and pleasure to be around.

My own son threw his first ever "terrible two" tantrum on the day he went to visit his new reception at 4.5 years. I was absolutely mortified and had no clue how to react, as I'd never had to deal with him "playing up" like that before and was frozen on the spot with shame. I now know his "perfect Peter" toddler behavior was only due to the developmental delays associated with ASD (not diagnosed till 8!). I still think back to that episode and cringe with shame.

I've noticed children tend to behave badly when they are either about to go down with a nasty bug, or during the recovery period. Or when they are overtired or under stress for some reason, (perhaps there has been a family bereavement, or bullying incidents at school etc). Oddly these sorts of occasions are when parents are most likely to treat the child in question to a trip to the cinema in order to lift the child's spirits. Call me soft hearted but in my eyes that's good parenting.

The worst bullies at the schools my son has attended have all had one thing in common - Mum's who were totally fixed in the belief that their precious angel was inacapable of ever being naughty, and that someone else's child must always be to blame. No child is ever 100% perfect all the time. I always feel so sorry for the teachers of kids like this, as they are impossible to discipline.

What does get me hoiking my judgey pants is the number of grown adults in the UK today, who think it's perfectly acceptable to swear like a trooper in the supermarket queue, knowing there are children around. These same people then act horrified when the toddler behind mimics their cuss word in all innocence! Or who put their nicely polished office shoes on the seats of trains and buses etc. Oh and don't get me started on pornagraphic PDA's at the cinema or on the local swings.

Given the numbers of "naice" middle-class adults who seem to have no sense of common decency or consideration towards others in public spaces , is it really any wonder our kids sometimes demonstrate less than angelic behavior?