to ask about the REALITY of BF'ing Vs FF'ing

[PatButchersEarring]

OK. Not looking to start a bun fight, nor am I looking for any moralising/judging etc.

Situation as follows: 1 DD (3.5) was ebf until she was around 6 months.

I'm now pregnant again. Yes, I'm aware that BF'ing is healthier all round yada, yada.

However, DD did not sleep through the night until she was 2.5. I was frequently up anything between 3 and 10 times per night. I was at breaking point, as was DP. I just cannot allow that to happen again for the sake of everyone's mental and physical health.

A lot of my friend's who also ebf have experienced the same. However, most people I know who FF have had good sleepers. Coincidence?

Also, it was me who took on the vast majority of night wakings with DD as it seemed to be just me who could settle her. Probably because of initial breastfeeding..whereas DP could obviously take over a couple of nights a week if bottle feeding.

There seems to be a complete lack of unbiased advice on this, for obvious reasons..

Can anyone give me the benefit of their experience?

[Squitten]

DS2 - we tried to do everything we thought we were supposed to do. Had a nightmare in the hospital establishing BF and ended up stopping after about 3 days and FF. Tried to get him to sleep in his cot. He didn't sleep through until he was nearly 3.

DS2 - after the faff of all the above, we went for a completely low-effort approach. He took to BF like a pro. We introduced one bottle a week from very early on (only used when I wasn't around) and he happily fed from both until he was weaned off boob onto cows milk at 13mths. Co-slept, which made BF much easier. He didn't sleep through immediately but was reliably sleeping from when he turned 2yrs old.

So basically I found a really relaxed approach worked a treat (including sling wearing, BLW, etc) and meant that even when he didn't want to cooperate, it had very little impact on me. Plan to do the same again for DC3.

[gimmecakeandcandy]

I have breastfed my children - it wasn't easy and I had to go through problems and sleepless nights to do so and bf is not just 'slightly' better it is a LOT better. If you find my tone condescending that is your problem not mine and bf IS better for a baby whereas what you are talking about - what is best for the family - is choosing something else for other reasons.

[MidnightMasquerader]

DS, EBF, slept through from 7 months.

DD, EBF, slept through from about 9-10 months, but we emigrated when she was 8 months and had a fairly disruptive series of house moves from the age of 4 months when we sold our house, moved and rented for a while, stayed with DH's parents for a month before moving to the other side of the world. So all bets are off as to when she might have slept through, had it not been for that.

I'll be honest. I was and am passionate about breastfeeding, and as far as I was concerned, that was the way children were going to be fed.

But - it is probably the single biggest reason why I won't have any more children. I found being the sole night time feeder excruciating. Never having a full night's sleep for months and months on end (the thought of expressing and being tied to the machine on top of feeding nearly tipped me over the edge), and I'm pretty sure I'd have sunk into PND.

[scottishmummy]

no one disputing bf better,but pragmatically ff can be more achievable,easier
and frankly ff is adequate nutrition,safe and its how vast majority babies are fed
no one should ever berate self about ff.it's safe,it's adequate,it's good enough

[MidnightMasquerader]

I find your tone condescending, gimme and I EBF both my children for well over a year each.

I hope FF and mixed feeders don't take gimme's stance as typical of other breastfeeders. :(

[mumofapirate]

I bf until my ds was 2. he slepy through from about 9 months, I found bf was easier for us as I co-slept, which worked for us. I wouldnt say bf stopped ur dc from sleeping but if you choose not to do it then don't theres no need to justify it to whoever

[kinkyfuckery]

I think it's completely hit or miss, and down to 'luck'. I've done ebf, mix feeding and ff and had periods of fantastic sleepers and periods of hell on earth. No obvious relation with the feeding method.
For me, with DD2, I persevered with the bf because I reasoned what if formula didn't help her sleep any better, and I had to actually get off my arse and make up bottles, rather than rolling over and popping a tit in her mouth

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

DD mixed fed
DS exclusively breast fed.

Now DD was a fabulous sleeper but afaik, that has fuck all to do with breastfeeding.

However, I did get pretty depressed with the whole ebf situation. I couldn't go anywhere without DS for a year. It was mentally and physically exhausting. I also massively go off sex when bf and frankly I hate that! Normally I love sex! It makes me sad that I've spent two years of my life not wanting to even be touched.

I wish people were more honest about the fact that ebf can feel miserable and isolating, because I feel like a freak if I ever mention disliking it in rl!

Next child will be mixed fed again.

[ErikNorseman]

Anecdotally it appears to me that sleeping has naff all to do with how the baby is fed. And you stopped bf at 6 months, well before most babies sleep through anyway, so the next two years of poor sleeping had nothing to do with the way the child was fed.

You can't ensure that your child isn't another bad sleeper. It's (IMO) a mix of genetics, personality and parenting. One and two generally outweigh three but there are plenty of techniques you can try. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood]

I was ff I didn't sleep more than 2 hours until 18 mo as my mother REGULARLY reminds me. Dd ebf, slept through at 6 mo, ds ebf (co slept) so as not to go mad started sleeping 7-7 at 9 months (was eating a lot at 6 months).

My bf ebf her 3 boys, all slept 6pm-8am from between 3 & 5 weeks I hate her

Ff does not guarantee a sleep & there is a reason for it digesting more slowly anyway.

[SimplyRedHead]

DD1 BF and slept like a dream from the start.
DD2 Faffed around trying to BF for a few months - up for 2 hrs at a time throughout the night. Moved to FF at 4 months. Now aged 3.5 and has only slept through a fee times in her life.

I think some babies are great sleepers and others are not. Do whatever makes YOU feel better.

(Personally I enjoyed the speed of BF but the detachment of FF)

[SimplyRedHead]

few times in her life

[gimmecakeandcandy]

What a stance that I will choose to bf because it is better for my babies?! Wow, if they makes me 'condescending' so be it.

[sleepingsatellite18]

My DD is 1 in two weeks.
I EBF until 6 months. Started combination feeding at about 7/8 months.
Now she has 2 bottles a day and about 4 breastfeeds (at least 1 in the night)

She has never slept more than 3/4 hours in a row....usually wakes up 3-8 times a night STILL

I'm. So. Tired.

[scottishmummy]

you seem somewhat strident feed your baby how you want,butt out let others feed their baby how they want
in scheme of things mode of feeding isn't biggest significant factor
maternal physical/mental health is paramount too.and if ff suits mum better that us in itself good enough reason to ff

[pointythings]

I think it depends on the baby. DD1 - ebf - slept 10 till 7.30 from 10 weeks.
Dd2 - ebf - didn't sleep through until about 11 months old, but was a very quick feeder (both sides in 15 mins, straight back to sleep) so that was no hardship either.

I think the problem arises if they don't settle well after a feed, for whatever reason.

[MyDarlingClementine]

Each baby is a new totally different human, you cant really compare this next DC with the other.

A really good thing would be to forget what happened with the first one and think of this new one as a totally new slate or you will just create problems that arnt there.

However what some BF mothers do - is give one bottle of FF at night before baby goes down, to really fill them up.

You could always try that.

[MidnightMasquerader]

The accusations of condescension are not because of how you choose to feed your baby, but rather the way you came onto a thread to be deliberately provocative and to make a mother who's worried about the impact of sleep deprivation and exhaustion feel bad.

But then, you knew that already, and didn't need me to point it out. The faux innocent routine is pure disingenuity.

Mumsnet is a place where people come for support and advice. Your first post wasn't helpful in either respect. Sorry if people picking up on that annoys you, gimme.

[hettie]

So.... Here is my totally random theory.... (both kids end till 1 he old, FFS slept 7 till 7 from 4 months, dd didn't until 18 months btw). It's possible there is a correlation between ebf and sleeping though at a later age..... But I reckon that it's also possible that it's not the breast feeding thats the casual factor. So for example perhaps bfing mums are less likely to ignore low level cries, or more likely to feed back to sleep, or less likely to do controlled crying or ... Whatever... You get my point, maybe if you bf then you are more likely to adopt certain attitudes/methods which make it less likely that buns will sleep?
Personally I reckon you can do what the hell ever you like ...kids seem to have a tendency to be settled/sleep or they don't

[MidnightMasquerader]

My DD, who first slept through at around 9 months, has gone on to be a fairly bad sleeper, full stop.

Even now at 2.6 she usually wakes at least once during the night. Of course now DH and I can split going into her so it's easier to deal with.

But I do tend to think it is down to the child. ATEOTD, you have to do what is right for you and your family.

[myrubberduck]

Gimme bf is not 'a lot better' than ff. it's a bit better. For some kids. Maybe. Anyone who (a) knows what they are talking about and (b) is being honest will tell you that it is very unlikely to make any difference to any individual child once other factors are considered .

[saycheeeeeese]

My dd was always a very good sleeper, I ebf for about 8 weeks then I switched to formula. Her sleeping pattern didn't change to be honest.

My take on it is that most normal people donr give a flying fook about how/what anyone elses babies eat, and why should they, ultimately you will do what's right for you. Some, not all, but some will argue their way is best until the cows come home to validate their own decision. Thats how I see it, could he wrong but in the grand scheme of things why does it matter what someone else is doing so long as you're happy with what you're doing. Other people need to learn how to butt out as scottishmummy rightly said.

I did both, im happy with my decisions because at the end of the day my DD is the only child at this moment in time that I give two hoots about :o

[dreamingbohemian]

I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned the biggest advantage of FF/mixed feeding, which is that your partner has no excuse not to share the night wakings

I also don't see why FF is a faff. Washing and sterilising takes 2 minutes a day. Pouring a carton into a bottle is what, 3 seconds? And the feeds themselves are a lot shorter.

I think unfortunately though you'll just have to see how it goes, I don't think there's any correlation between feeding and sleeping.

[ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb]

My dd is combi fed, bf during day except if I need a break or am at college and then ff fed if with DH or in middle of the night. In my experience she sleeps through (3 months) randomly, sometimes after a bf and sometimes after ff and sometimes she'll wake in the night regardless. That doesn't help does it?
Anyhoo, combi feeding has really worked for me, my DH can help with feeding, I can go out (not that I do), it takes a lot of pressure off and no guilt because she's mostly bf (not that you should feel guilty for how you feel your child)

[myrubberduck]

Sorry OP you started out saying you did not want a bf/ff bunfight and there I am merrily feeding the troll. If you feel you might regret not bf why not try a bottle of formula for last feed? Worked for me and for a few others I know. Not scientific i know but no harm in trying!