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AIBU?

To feel completely different towards dog since having DD

170 replies

Geekster · 08/02/2013 19:10

We have a dog who we have always adored. But since we had DD last year, we feel different about her. We still really like her but not in the same way and sometimes she's a nuisance like trying to get DD's food. Don't get me wrong we would never hurt our dog or want anything bad to happen to her, and there is no way we would get rid of her. I always thought I would never feel like this, but do since we had DD. The dog has been good with DD though obviously we never leave them alone together. We will still be very upset when she dies but not distraught like we would have before DD. It doesn't make me a cold hearted bitch feeling like this, or does it?

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ClippedPhoenix · 08/02/2013 21:06

Back in them days bowler before computers and the net we actually went on what people told us. Bad me for not putting animals before my child.

echt · 08/02/2013 21:12

Clipped I think it's the expression of your actions which riles. "Gave away" is later qualified to include good new owners. However you undo it by " Out went the cats" later on.

porridgewithalmondmilk · 08/02/2013 21:14

I had to rehome my dog (not because of children) - it was one of the worst experiences of my life and I still get choked up whenever I think about it. Threads like this are rarely helpful. Selfish people who don't care about their animals aren't going to change. However, I don't think I am selfish, I was just in an impossible situation but am sure some will think I should have worked through it somehow, I am not sure how though.

Footface · 08/02/2013 21:15

We had two cats when ds1 was born, I adored them. But when ds came along I thought I didn't feel the same way. The cat was very old, and had been poorly a few times the previous year.

I say thought I didn't feel the same way as she had to be out to sleep a few months after ds was born. I was utterly devastated, and I still miss her. I honestly didn't expect that reaction.

Bowlersarm · 08/02/2013 21:17

Well maybe you could have had a mind of your own and thought it through -pets may not be an instant threat to any children you might have..vigilance and cleanliness and all that. Also maybe if you we're planning children you shouldn't have had cats to entertain you in the meantime. I'm with ilovesooty - pets shouldn't be disposable. Sometimes rehoming is necessary but it shouldn't be taken lightly

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/02/2013 21:17

I can't imagine ever feeling like some of you have described let alone giving them away. Fuck!

TomDudgeon · 08/02/2013 21:21

If you take mrsdeveres post word for word and substitute 14 for the age it sums up exactly how it's been for me.

stubbornstains · 08/02/2013 21:22

Gird those loins Ariel......you may be surprised at yourself. And not in a good way :(

BOF · 08/02/2013 21:22

Having kids has made me really appreciate the dog, tbh.

willesden · 08/02/2013 21:24

I always say dogs and cats go straight back to the animal kingdom when the human baby arrives. No more cute photos to cats and dogs on facebook. Happens all the time. YANBU.

VenusRising · 08/02/2013 21:25

This is very common, after all, I hardly even remember to water my pot plants now!

We got our cat after the dcs, and she fits into our family purrfectly!

stubbornstains · 08/02/2013 21:27

Maybe the problem is that we shouldn't have elevated them from the animal kingdom in the first place? I did

I just advised a childless friend who was guilting about too many kitten pictures on FB to get a baby. Because then she could post lots of baby pics up and that would make her sooooooooo much less tedious to her online friends .

MummytoKatie · 08/02/2013 21:29

Bowlers But I also have a huge responsibility to dh. I promised to love, honour and cherish him until death parts us. In front of rather a lot of witnesses.

Do I do that now? Not so much if I'm honest. Love - yes in a slightly vague, distracted tired way. Honour? Well I don't bonk anyone else (haven't the energy) . Cherish - I cherish the way that when he gets home I can then someone else takes a turn at explaining "why" for a while.

But it's not quite what I had in mind when we married.

Although I still feed him and am planning on keeping him.

stubborn

ClippedPhoenix · 08/02/2013 21:30

Out went the cats was a figure of speach

At the end of the day if you feel that you can't or don't want to do both anymore then re-homing an animal is perfectly justifiably ok in my opinion.

Bowlersarm · 08/02/2013 21:36

Yes Katie I know you said all those things when you married your DH. What you didn't have to say was that you'd die for him. What changed was the fact that whereas you thought you would die for him, since having children you actively wouldn't. That's fair enough. Rehoming a dog because you just decide you don't have time for it, is an entirely different matter

Nellabutterfly · 08/02/2013 21:38

Yep, same for me when DD was born last year - my cat was most miffed at no longer being the centre of attention. I was feeling very guilty before this thread, glad I'm not alone! Having a cat was definitely a sort of "dress rehearsal" for the emotional experience of being a parent; then the real thing came along and the whole focus of my life changed, and he went from furry baby to pain in my ass just a cat. Certainly never would have got rid of him though, in fact when DD was eight weeks we got a kitten to keep him company so now I have two pains in my ass

mrsbunnylove · 08/02/2013 21:40

perfectly reasonable to love your child more than your animals and if necessary to make alternative arrangements for the animals.

Sparklingbrook · 08/02/2013 21:40

So presumably you got some more cats after the DC got past the possible 'milk mugging' stage Clipped. The house doesn't feel right without a cat if you are a cat person.

muffinino82 · 08/02/2013 21:42

stubbornstains There's no such thing as too many kitten pictures

CabbageLeaves · 08/02/2013 21:42

My beloved dog came to me because someone wanted to get rid when he was 3 because he moults (who'd thought...dog moulting eh)

He's adored, spoilt and a very very happy dog. So in defence of Clipped, getting shot can mean a happy ending

CabbageLeaves · 08/02/2013 21:43

Getting shot was probably a poor choice of words

porridgewithalmondmilk · 08/02/2013 21:44

That isn't fair at all on the animals though mrsbunny and I say that as somebody whose circumstances did change and I had to make alternative arrangements. But how awful to be a cat or a dog repeatedly passed from home to home because a baby comes I feel sad just thinking of that to be honest. Besides, there aren't a long waiting list of homes out there. My dog was snatched up as she was small, young and cute but many more aren't. I have three cats and one had been in a rescue centre for sixteen months before I got him, and I only got him as I am a sucker for a hard luck story (he's a great cat, no trouble - just old!)

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Sparklingbrook · 08/02/2013 21:44

Sparkling Cat came to us because her owner couldn't afford to keep her any more.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/02/2013 21:45

DH dotes on the cat so much I think he would give a baby away first.

Bowlersarm · 08/02/2013 21:48

Also Cabbage your story has a happy ending for you. Far too many animals don 't have a happy ending through absolutely no fault of their own

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