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AIBU?

to send a rather blunt text to DP's friend?

38 replies

NellyBluth · 31/01/2013 20:37

Well, he's a mutual friend really, but I'll call him DP's friend for ease. Let's call him Bob. Old friend, nice guy but with a history of being unreliable and late to meet up.

A few days ago DP and Bob made plans for meeting up. To put it in context, we live in a London commuter town, Bob lives and works in London, I work in London. DP was going to go to London last night for drinks, but Bob suggested that he would come to ours after work tonight, so getting in about 6.30, and he and DP would go out for dinner and drinks. DP has been looking forward to this as he's been at home with the baby for the past few days (not saying this for him to get a medal, just we all know it can be a bit lonely all day with a 1 year old).

It's now 8.30 and Bob hasn't even texted to say what train he is getting, or to apologise he is late. We are not worried he has fallen down a manhole - he'll be drinking with colleagues. He will be ignoring DP's text because he knows he's in the wrong and can't think of a suitable explanation. DP is really pissed off. If Bob had just admitted at the end of work that he was going for drinks, there would have been time for DP to head in to London and meet other friends once I got back from work. Now it's too late. So on a rare night when he could see someone (DP does shift work so it's difficult to see his friends often) he's been pissed around and let down by a supposed good friend.

DP has already sent his own text saying he feels let down. I kind of want to send one too. Yes it is petty and childish and we are all far older than this behaviour would suggest but... I feel so bad for DP. He works f/t and does the bulk of the childcare and hasn't had a chance to make friends in our new town yet, and this friend pisses him around on a rare night he could go out. Grr.

Please don't flame. I am fully aware this makes me sound like a 12 year old but 'Bob's' head in the sand approach is making me feel like a 12 year old!

OP posts:

Report

Viviennemary · 01/02/2013 01:08

He sounds very reliable and inconsiderate. But I'd let your DP sort it out as there is no point in you sending a text if he's already had a text. There's nothing very much you can do about unreliable people as you say he has often been unreliable in the past.

JockTamsonsBairns · 01/02/2013 01:03

Probably missed the boat on this thread already, but I wouldn't be getting involved in any texting to let Bob know you're pissed off too. I'd just send off a quick message to say something along the lines of ' sorry you couldn't make it here tonight, hope all ok with you - and looking forward to catching up with you soon'.
So, giving him the message that your place is not a stop off point, but that the friendship is not under jeopardy iyswim.

Walkacrossthesand · 01/02/2013 00:58

I love it! And so true. I would never earmark a precious free evening for 'Bob' again.

pluCaChange · 01/02/2013 00:38

Nah, I think Bob will flake out on tomorrow, too, and that you never had any chance of locking him out!

Monty27 · 01/02/2013 00:26

Tell Bob to efff off, treat dp to a take away and wine or whatever.

But he should fight his own battles to be honest.

Realise this is too late now and I hope Bob has made his own arrangments for a bed. grrrr on both your behalfs. (If that's proper english) cos I used to love having the house to myself for a night. :)

Pandemoniaa · 01/02/2013 00:20

Bob is actually staying at ours tonight, that was part of the plan, so I'm quite aware he will be rocking up tonight at about 11 pissed.

This would piss me off. Sure, "Bob" hasn't exactly committed the crime of the century but he does come across as bloody rude if he can't be arsed to keep to the original arrangements or at least phone early enough to amend them and then expects to roll up at the end of the night and be accommodated. I wouldn't send a text but I would have been tempted.

LessMissAbs · 31/01/2013 22:51

Does it really matter? These things happen. Doesn't mean Bob is a bad person. Chill, relax, don't get worked up about it. Its only a night out, not a life or death decision.

Do you really have to get involved in your DH's social life? Can he not sort it out for himself? I really don't see why you are texting Bob and getting so het up about it. Yes, you do sound like his mother, but a particurarly helicopter type of mother.

ceeveebee · 31/01/2013 22:46

Has he turned up yet? Did you let him in?

pictish · 31/01/2013 22:37

Dont put him up. Just do what he did to your dh, and ignore any communication.

Never make someone a priority if they'll only make you an option.

Booyhoo · 31/01/2013 22:36

poor DP!

what a shitty friend! and no way should he expect to stay after this!

emsyj · 31/01/2013 22:35

YANBU to lock the doors, turn off all the lights and watch out of the window sniggering as he knocks on the door and scratches his head wondering how to access his free bed for the night.

Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 22:30

I hadn't realised there was a chance he might think it's still ok to crash at yours too. Definitely don't let him stay!

BattlingFanjos · 31/01/2013 22:17

I think 'Bob' is a shitty friend and I would be really pissed off if I were your DH. My friends know I rarely have a babysitter (working single parent) and if plans nerd to be changed give as much warning as they can, or have a good excuse. I don't think you should text but I would want to! Don't give him a bed for the night either, cheeky twat he is!

think there was a 'Bob' friend thread recently about him saying inappropriate things about the DW, might be confusion?

NellyBluth · 31/01/2013 21:31

Does it? In what way? Same problem or accusations of hairy-handedness?

OP posts:

Theicingontop · 31/01/2013 21:26

This all sounds really familiar.

NellyBluth · 31/01/2013 21:26

Yeah, I know it makes me sound like his mum, I was just so annoyed with him an hour ago - he knows that DP's nights off are rare so I expected more from him. Never mind. And we are friends too, I text and email him about stuff anyway.

I like the idea of texting from DP's phone though!

OP posts:

havingastress · 31/01/2013 21:24

Get rid of Bob!

goneHaywire · 31/01/2013 21:22

furthermore "friends" who you know are unreliable should not keep being given any more chances to disappoint you.

learn from this and act accordingly

NatashaBee · 31/01/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skullcandy · 31/01/2013 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catmint · 31/01/2013 21:16

YANBU - yy to Bobbybird's advice.

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 31/01/2013 21:14

Lock the door, switch off phone, ignore. That'll show him how annoying it is when it's done to him.

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goneHaywire · 31/01/2013 21:14

what frustratedworkingmum said. salvage ur evening, spend done quality time together.

tell DP to text bob telling him that HIS plans have changed and bob might as will stay down in london tonight

aldiwhore · 31/01/2013 21:13

Stupid PC.... .... to follow "Bobbybird's advice"

Never spill wine on your laptop and think yo've got away with it.

aldiwhore · 31/01/2013 21:12

I've the reverse problem, kind of, DH's friend is female, she's my friend too... I would only send a text if she'd let ME down. I would of course back up my DH in a three way conversation. But other than that I would seethe quietly to myself.

I won't change her, you won't change him. Your DH has said his piece, a message from the wife would belittle your DH and give BOB a giggle with his mates in the pub.

I would encourage your DH to follow *Bobbybi

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