To not want DDs, 5 & 6, to go on holiday to Spain with aunt

[tootsietoo]

DH and I have been invited to a wedding in Scotland during May half term and SIL, DH's sister, has offered to look after the children for us. She has done this often since they were babies, she is single, lives alone and is a primary school headteacher, so she likes to have them, does brilliant stuff with them and is generally a very good auntie. DH told me a few weeks ago that he wants to make a holiday of our trip to Scotland and that SIL was planning to take the children to Spain while we were away. I said no way Jose (sorry, very weak joke....). Partly because it is a long way for them to be from me and all sorts of things can happen and I wouldn't be able to get to them. That might sound overprotective, but I'm not particularly, it's just that I've hardly ever been more than a couple of hours drive away from them. Partly because they've never been on a plane before and I want to share that "first" experience with them. And partly because I want to go to Spain with them, not to Scotland for a holiday! So a mix of jealousy and parental protectiveness. The DDs are just 5, and 6 and a half, so still pretty young for a trip like that I think. Maybe if they were 10 and 11, say. DH is rolling his eyes about my attitude, and I have been instructed to call SIL and have the conversation with her.

AIBU??

[expatinscotland]

So go to the wedding and then take a holiday for the rest of half-term.

[teacherandguideleader]

My mum allowed me to go to Florida when I was a small child with a friend of hers who offered to take me. I am so grateful to my mum that she allowed her friend to do this and didn't prevent me from going as she felt she should be experiencing it with me.

[tootsietoo]

It's not a wanky wedding. She's Scottish. And we live oop North, so it's more like 250 miles not 500, so can drive it in about 4 or 5 hours. And I don't have a beef with people who don't want children at their wedding. It's their wedding, they could have a zillion reasons for not being able or wanting to invite the kiddies. And we do have 2 lovely family members who will look after the children happily for 2 days and 1 night, so it is possible that we can go. So the wedding doesn't need to be ditched.

I have also been thinking about the fact that since DD2 started school in September, weekends, half term and the Christmas holidays have been really precious. A couple of years ago I would have done nearly anything to have some child free time, but now I really enjoy being able to spend time with them just mooching, because the weeks are so busy. So to miss a half term with them would be quite a sad thing.

I have liked my first AIBU thread, might try you again when I am doubting myself!

[Lovethesea]

Wow. A week free of parenting 24/7.

A dream. A dream.

[Mytimewillcome]

I wouldn't go to the wedding either. I'd be too worried about the children to enjoy it.

[expatinscotland]

Skip the wanky childfree wedding miles away. Take kids to Spain. Sorted.

We decide on our holidays together. If DH said, 'I want to on holiday to Bournemouth,' and it wasn't some place I'd want to go on holiday, and you don't want to go to Scotland on a holiday by your OP, then we'd find another place to go! Same way if I wanted to go one place on holiday and he didn't fancy it. So then we find another place to go together.

[Lemonylemon]

OK, would this be a compromise? All of you, including SIL go to Scotland for the wedding. SIL and kids go off and do something else while wedding is on. Morning after wedding, you all fly off to Spain for the week? Bit expensive, but best I could come up with.....

I wouldn't be able to let my youngest (who's 5) go off for a week either.... My eldest I could, but he's 15.

[TrinityRhino]

I wouldn't be able to let mine do it

[givemeaclue]

Either go with them or let them go without you.

[expatinscotland]

Oh, just read that now, a no children wedding at, bet it's a castle? Your classic wanky people, 'Oh let's have our wedding 500 miles away from where we're from and everyone we know and make it childfree, so we can have adult time (bet they don't have any kids, either)'. BOAK! I think I'd take the kids to Spain instead. Or send your husband on his own.

[expatinscotland]

'Your kids have a fab auntie that is not only willing to look after them so you can have some adult time at a wedding, but is willing happy to take them to Spain too.
And for some reason you have a problem with this?'


She doesn't feel comfortable with it because of their ages. She's their mother. There's plenty of scope for 'adult time' (blech, is that like 'me' time?) without her young children being in another country from her.

[Mytimewillcome]

And I totally get you wanting to have all their firsts with them. Who else are you going to have them with?!

[Mytimewillcome]

I wouldn't. If you don't want them to go then its up to you. You are the parent. You don't have to keep her happy in such a major way. Can't you just give her some chocolates?!

[tootsietoo]

mmmmm. they are very well behaved, they would be absolutely fine to take to a wedding and stay up a bit late. but the invitation specifically says no children!

[sweetkitty]

Actually I'd bin the wedding and go to Spain instead but I may be biased sitting in a freezing rain lashed Scotland

[sweetkitty]

Personally I wouldn't allow my DC to go abroad without me. Not that I would ever have to make that decision as DP have never even had a night out together nevermind anyone willing to take the DC on holiday.

If your unhappy about it don't do it, you're their mother.

I don't understand this adults only wedding miles away thing. Agree with expat

[tootsietoo]

thank you hullygully!

[Hullygully]

well all right then

[tootsietoo]

Wow! Completely polarised opinions, split almost 50/50. I meant to call her last night but completely forgot. Will sort it out tonight.

I am thinking I will say yes to her taking DD1 away for a night or two to Amsterdam. DD1 is very capable and confident for her age and the two of them are so similar - they understand each other and get on very well, and they went away together to Paris last summer on the train for a day/night. But two children, particularly the younger one who is more sensitive and literally just turned 5, for longer, further away, just tips the balance into too much worry for me, so I shall explain nicely that it will have to wait a few years.

[Nova26]

No yanbu... i wouldnt let my ds go either.....too far imo.

[suburbophobe]

Not read the whole thread...

But, kids that age are not too young to travel. My DS first went on a plane at 5 months (Xmas with GP).

As an avid traveller I've dragged him everywhere since.


It's completely up to you of course if you want to let them go, however she sounds responsible enough being a primary school head.

I would say a compromise is in order. You could fly from Scotland to Spain to join them after the wedding.

And. Amsterdam is amazing for kids.

Great zoo, Nemo (Science Museum, looks like a half-sunken ship next to Central Station; architect - Renzo Piano), trips on the tram, pancake restaurant, canal ride, etc.

[Shellington]

Has she taken them places before, on a smaller scale? B&B by the sea for a night or two? Weekend camping? It seems a big leap at 5/6 to go from home comforts of aunts house to a week abroad.

Too young, too far, too long imo.
YANBU.

"That's a lovely, generous idea - thank you - maybe next year when they are just that bit older." :)

[NeverFullyDressedWithoutAScarf]

I am totally with the OP. I would never agree to this and I agree with Expat that family time should always come first, even over weddings.

[gimmecakeandcandy]

Don't feel bad. They are still so young, no way would I let my kids at that age go abroad without me! Yanbu at all. Don't be forced into doing this unless you want to.