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AIBU?

WWYD - Speak to the parents or continue to try to resolve it through the school

42 replies

Jeeps · 29/01/2013 17:28

Hi - I'm just after some advice here really. One of my children is having trouble with two other boys in his class. They are physically attacking him every play time. It is worse at lunch time when the dinner ladies are on duty as they do nothing at all. I've spoken to his teacher so many times about it but the problem continues. He is in KS2.
So - do I speak directly to the mums of the other boys (who I know well enough to speak to but not well enough to go for a drink with IYSWIM) or do I take it further up the chain of command at the school?
Would really appreciate advice from teachers or other parents who have been on either side of the problem.
Thank you!

OP posts:

Report

OldBeanbagz · 29/01/2013 17:44

If the teacher isn't doing anything, take it to the Head. Then the Board of Governors if the Head doesn't sort the problem. After that it would be the Council. Make sure you keep copies of any letters/emails that are sent & received.

I wouldn't talk to the parents personally because i feel it could just get into a slanging match and wouldn't solve the problem. As others have said, parents rarely want to believe their children are capable of such things.

Maryz · 29/01/2013 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 29/01/2013 17:45

DS was suicidal from daily bullying. But he still gave back as hard as he could (as he got).

Oblomov · 29/01/2013 17:47

Never talk to the parent about a problem.
Always let the school deal with it.
Very good advice i was given at the start of reception.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 29/01/2013 17:48

Some children do not have it in them to retaliate physically, even if we think it might solve the problem. Nor should we expect them to.

Jeeps · 29/01/2013 17:49

lljkk sorry to hear about your DS. Was there anything in particular that you did to stop the bullying? What did you find worked?
I am fairly realistic about my DS - if he is attacked I am sure he will fight his corner but I don't think he would ever be the attacker.

OP posts:

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 29/01/2013 17:52

Jeeps

The school is capable of stopping it, if it tries. If it does not then i would take your child away. I see it as black and white as that. Pleanty of schools deal with bullying when it occurs, successfully.

merrymouse · 29/01/2013 17:53

Where is the bullying taking place? In ks2, because of their duty of care, the school need to be on top of this and if necessary have adults monitoring what these children are doing.

Apart from anything else, without being on site there isn't much the other parents can do to manage the situation.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 29/01/2013 17:58

Merry

That's true too. Bullying is situational and takes place in social groups. Parents can punish, explain etc, but the school needs to tackle it. Some children have no idea what they are doing is bullying until it is named by the school as such. And hopefully the school is also in a position to tackle the reasons it is happening, for the benefit of everyone.

Jeeps · 29/01/2013 18:08

Thank you all for your advice. I am going to write to the teacher outlining all the problems and copy in the head of KS2 and the head mistress. Will see if there is any improvement - if not, I will write to the governors. Although I would class the attacks as bullying I am loathe to call it that to my DS as I don't want the situation to get out of hand.
Thanks again.

OP posts:

CloudsAndTrees · 29/01/2013 18:10

Take it to the head.

Class teachers and lunch staff often have no time to communicate, but the head has to communicate with all the staff.

minnisota · 29/01/2013 18:59

Until recently i was working as lunchtime staff. All incidents were logged in an incident book which was read by the deputy head, this was to see if any patterns were emerging with the same children. We did speak to the teachers at the end of lunch to tell them of any incidents above the norm. These would then be dealt with by the teacher.

Jeeps · 29/01/2013 19:08

minnisota That sounds like a good system. I wouldn't be bothered if these were isolated incidents but when they happen every lunchtime I would expect them to be picked up on. There seems to be no communication system in place at my DS's school but I will ask in the office and see whether there is actually an incident book.

OP posts:

minnisota · 29/01/2013 20:37

We keep ours in the first aid bags along with the accident books. Sometimes a child would be upset at lunchtime for no apparent reason, we would pass things like that to the teacher as well. Also, as we would change where we were from day to day, the first thing we would do is read the incident book from the last day or two to see what's been happening.
Sorry, don't mean to waffle but domething like this should be known to someone or at the very least logged

Yfronts · 29/01/2013 20:43

write to the Head and copy in the teacher - not the other way around. You know the teacher isn't sorting it out. Put it all in writing. Write a list of incidents.

Yfronts · 29/01/2013 20:45

ask to see their anti bullying policy too. If you have no luck with the head, move on to the govnors. You can't skip the Head.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 29/01/2013 20:47

I agree with yfronts. Head, copied to teacher.

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