aibu to request friends and family follow these guidelines given by a pediatrician. (recovery from RSV)

[honeytea]

My 5 week old ds has just been released from hospital after spending 5 days on a high dependency ward because of breathing problems due to rs virus.

It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, it was awful to see my baby fighting to breathe and turn blue. He was one of the lucky ones on the ward many of the babies were in intensive care.

When ds was discharged a pediatrician came and spoke to us about how to best avoid problems once we are home.

She said we should not take him out (apart from walks outside) for the next 2 weeks because he could still be contagious, after 2 weeks we should avoid crowded places and small children to avoid catching influenza or norovirus as his body is already weak from RSV.

They suggested that we avoid smoke and if we have smokers in our family that they shower and change clothes before holding ds.

They also suggested people wash their hands and count to 10 and use alcohol gel.

We asked smokers in our family to wash their hands and wait 30 minutes before holding ds before he git I'll and it caused trouble with mil who felt personally offended.

The handwashing should continue till April when the risk of winter viruses goes down, the avoiding cigarette smoke should continue till ds is 6 months.

Is this asking too much?

[OxfordBags]

No-one needs or has a right to smoke. Your baby needs and has a right to optimal conditions to stop him getting seriously ill again. End of discussion. Anyone who sees it differently would feel my awesome maternal wrath. And thisis not hyperbole - similar happened to my DS after birth and I was like GandaLf in LOTR when it came to policing visitors on non-smoking, gaps between fags, washing, etc.: None shall pass! My Uncle sneered at the smoking rules... So he didn't see DS until he was 3 months old. I gave him the no-one has a right to smoke speech above. I've not felt the same about him since, the selfish arsehole.

[sheeplikessleep]

YA so NBU OP.

Your MIL is being unreasonable beyond measure.

What a horrid time for you and glad your LO is on the mend.

Stick to your guns.

Also, if she is like that now with a baby who has been very poorly at 5 weeks old, then what on earth will she be like as your baby becomes a toddler, child etc? You need to firmly buy politely lay the framework now. You and your DH are the parents - she has to respect your (totally understandable!) wishes. It'll be something else down the line.

My MIL smokes and is also an ex-midwife. She used to wash her hands before handling our DSs as newborns, but I still hated it when she 'coo cooed' in their faces 5 minutes after a cigarette. And they weren't poorly.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

YANBU. I definitely offended one member of my family when I took our premmies up to meet the rest of the clan, but told them to stay away as her DH had just come out of hospital with some undefined contagious bug. Don't regret it for a second.

DS got his revenge when he finally did go back to see them, and thanks to some completely unrelated toddler bug, projectile vomited all over her kitchen

This winter has been an absolute nightmare for bugs, I hope your DS is on the mend.

[Emilythornesbff]

YANBU, obviously.
It never fees to amaze me how ppl just doa s they're asked in conformed ing to a reasonable request such as hand washing (hospital staff can be the worst offenders Ime. One doctor who I asked to wash his hands before examining my infant PFB looked at me as though i'd asked him to remove his trousers!)
Ppl who get defensive about their smoking are a pain the arse IMO.
She'll get over it. Glad DP seems to be on board. Hope you little one is all better v soon.

[honeytea]

The trip to visit mil has been cancelled although we havnt told them yet. There is a high chance they will come and see us mil came down for my 7 week scan even though I explained the "baby" would just be a blob.

Magi well done on giving up smoking! I hope your a granny soon :)

[Splinters]

honeytea, your MIL is crazy, you are not. You're not still going on that trip to stay in their smoky house in the arctic are you?

[threesocksmorgan]

yanbu at all
I say that as a smoker.
so glad your little one is on the mend.

[Moominsarehippos]

Type it up and stick it on the door! If they get offended, well, they can live with it. Think how awful you'll all fee if the little one got poorly because someone thought that they knew better than the doctor? Sorry to burst their bubble, but we all carry germs. Even the Queen.

[magimedi]

YANBU

My DS & wife have announced that they want to start a family soon & that was the motivation for me to give up smoking. I know that the risks of passive smoking round a baby are so much better understood nowadays.

I've quite for nearly 4 months now.
(Am still not a grannny & won't ask as it's their business).

[honeytea]

The sling is a great idea. mil lives a long way away so hopefully she won't be visiting any time soon!

[FutTheShuckUp]

They should do this regardless of whether your baby had been ill but particularly so because he has.

[nicelyneurotic]

All people should wash hands before they touch a baby, regardless of RSV. Some people are so selfish. Your baby, your rules.

[Yfronts]

Can you keep baby in a sling - great way of stopping people touching your baby when out and about. Also rain covers on buggy's when you out - stop young kids poking fingers.

Just quote the doctor every time you need to remind them

[Yfronts]

what you are asking is perfectly reasonable and anyone who loves you and your baby should be happy to ensure baby's health.

[lljkk]

It's a lot to remember and be very strict about. I can imagine being pushy about it but I also wouldn't expect everyone else to remember to follow it perfectly. I hope it's all behind you soon.

[andtheycalleditbunnylove]

your baby, your rules. except, these should be everybody's rules. so don't think twice about it. set standards people must keep if they want to be near your baby.

[hedwig2001]

Hi, not sure if this has been said before, but Cot Death prevention advice regarding smokers is exactly as the Paediatrician said. Any visitors who are smokers should be following those precautions, even without any post RSV concerns.

[Goldmandra]

other people might see it as extreme measures

They are quite extreme measures and it will be a PITA for you to keep in place.

However extreme they are, they are necessary and perfectly reasonable and nobody has the right to argue with you.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Not extreme at all!!!

A healthy child is all that matters! Stuff worrying about other peoples reactions!!! If they wanna smoke themselves stupid that's up to them but ur dc doesn't have to be a part of it x

[diddl]

Just realised who you are, honeytea

So this woman derides you for having the odd drink whilst bfeeding, but effectively can´t/won´t be told that smoking is bad for her GC.

What a hypocrite!

[honeytea]

Thankyou for the reassurance, I really don't feel like I'm being pfb but I can see other people might see it as extreme measures.

[Tailtwister]

YANBU! I can't believe after all you have been through, that people would have a problem with following the consultant's advice. If they can't abide by the rules they don't go near him, period.

[AnyFucker]

yanbfu

[SilverClementine]

Oh, and the avoiding cigarette smoke should continue forever, there is too much evidence out there clearly stating that it is harmful to health, so why expose children to it. The toxic fumes in cigarette smoke stay on the skin, clothes, hair of smokers for around two hours, and that's if they smoke outside.

At the end of the day, the MIL being offended doesn't harm anyone's physical health, but her smoking does.

Best of luck with this, follow your instincts xx