Quarter of a century ago, starting university, I would have furiously disagreed with this. Women should make their own money, and marry who they like!
Now, looking back, I'm not so sure. Nearly all my female friends, however successful in their careers prior to children, have compromised work success to raise their children. (I do have one friend who has a house husband, but that is the exception rather than the rule). Consequently, the lifestyle of my friends has been largely dictated by how much their husbands earn. So the nurse who married the mechanic is run ragged with extra shifts, juggling small kids in a tiny house with a large mortgage, indifferent schools and holidays in Haven or not at all - whilst my midwife girlfriend who married a consultant, is living in a huge detached house, with kids at private schools and just does a few shifts to keep her registration and to keep out of the way of her cleaner.
So AIBU, should we tell our daughters to marry someone who can provide the material stuff, or in another quarter of a century, will the world have moved on again, and fathers will be equal parents, and none of this will matter a stuff?
AIBU?
to think we should encourage our daughters to marry men who earn AT LEAST as much as them?
StripeyBear · 27/01/2013 12:35
Latara
"BUT no-one has answered MY question - WHERE DO YOU FIND A HUSBAND, ANY HUSBAND PLEASE??"
I'm surprised no-one has said "you can have mine" yet 
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When i was growing up (in my family and family's social circle) it was expected that the boy children do well at school and get good careers but that it didn't matter about girls as we would just end up married with children 
. Consequently I was never encouraged to choose a career or go to uni but just to get by because I'd be snapped up by some man who wanted me to have his babies By 22 I was fed up in a dead end job and forged a new career and did well and eventually met a great guy who I did marry and have DC with (worked up until 8.5 mths) but once they were at full time school I felt I couldn't just keep house and so started a new career path and have never looked back.
I actually voiced this out loud to my DF who looked very sheepish and admitted that yes that was how we were brought up and that he was actually very proud that I had got a good career and earn good money and that he was sorry he hadn't encouraged me to do well young. My DM only recently realised I work (have done for 4 years now since DD turned 5) as she hadn't ever bothered to ask what I'm doing etc but assumed i just kept house.
To this end I want to encourage my DC to work hard, get a good career and be happy and hopefully they will walk in those kind of social circles and meet partners who are likeminded e.g that do have jobs and earn okay be that as a Dr or as a binman.
I am the higher earner in our relationship. We both work part time. We share childcare. We both have a great work/life balance. Our boy has a good balance of care from Mummy/Daddy/other family/nursery. Life is good. I in no way aspire to or want to be a SAHM. I love my time at home, and I love my time at work.
I would hope any children have careers they enjoy. I hope they choose partners that love and respect them, and (if they want kids) who believe that parenting is a joint venture.
By the way, I'm pregnant, with a toddler, I've worked 3 x 13 hour shifts in a busy, demanding healthcare job in the last 4 days ("just" the 8-5.30 today 
). The majority of my friends and colleagues who have been pregnant have had no problem doing similar. There's no competition in pregnancy, and everyone is different, but I absolutely wouldn't have wanted to stop work just because of a normal, healthy, low-risk pregnancy.
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