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AIBU?

Contacted by ex boyfriend from 20 years ago. Do I ignore or email b&gger off

51 replies

PugMummy · 12/01/2013 11:31

I had the weirdest email via Facebook. A boyfriend I went out with 20 years ago contacted me to say he was sorry he was selfish and brining up loads of things that I had actually forgotten about. He was a twat and obviously still is but I've never really given him another thought. I'm so annoyed that he's going through some kind of emotional clear out (he's going through divorce apparently) and has contacted me after forever and brought up all this stuff. I'm in 2 minds wether to email back telling him that it's even more selfish to contact someone after 20 years and dump all this stuff back up again, or just ignore him completely. I'm very happily married I should add and have no intention of revisiting him or anyone else. What do you think?

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NotMyPenguin · 13/05/2017 10:49

If you're not getting anything out of the interaction, ignore.

Just because he's said sorry (or made excuses) doesn't mean you're obliged to facilitate his 'emotional journey' in any way.

If that makes sense!

FizzyGreenWater · 13/05/2017 10:48

There was a thread on this the other day.

'Me me me me me - oh and maybe you might shag me for old times sake too?'

Delete and block!

Mulberry72 · 13/05/2017 10:46

Zombie!!!!

Jaso1979 · 13/05/2017 10:41

I have contacted an ex from a long time ago. I cant even remember how we really were 20 years back. I was only 19. He went away to war and i cheated once he left. I was only young. He is happy enough to c me but does carry on a bit about things and not totally over his ex i guess. i dont feel 100 per cent about it. It mite just be a hook up.. who knows.. he has offered to pay for travel for me to go see him. Im just not sure if i like the guy or not. :-/ im just lonely

miller522 · 01/11/2016 08:06

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SheHasAWildHeart · 14/12/2015 09:02

Why has someone resurrected a thread from two years ago?

YohY · 14/12/2015 08:19

Ask yourself why you are not with them now in the first place
That should make it easy!

QOD · 14/12/2015 04:00

Feck off you zombie resurrector!

jessica361 · 14/12/2015 03:34

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jessica361 · 14/12/2015 03:32

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paddyclamp · 12/01/2013 20:32

i'd just send a polite message back telling him you're happy now

bringbacksideburns · 12/01/2013 20:27

Ooh ignore him!

Not worth bothering about if it was a crap relationship and he was a twat. If it had all ended amicably then a polite message back would have been alright.

I wouldn't block though because that makes it look like he's important. Just keep ignoring and make sure your privacy settings are on full.

LilQueenie · 12/01/2013 20:26

Get your DH to friend him on facebook. See how quick he runs.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2013 20:24

If he was a twat 20 years ago then there is every chance he still will be. If it was me I'd be a bit tempted I must say to find out a bit more but when I read these threads perhaps it would not be a good idea.

pigletmania · 12/01/2013 20:18

Omg made, yes delete, ignore and block

mademred · 12/01/2013 19:03

Don't even give it a secound thought.i made this mistake a few years ago when I was going thru a divorce, an ex from when I was 16, ( am now almost 40)found me on fb, I thought we could rekindle our friendship,\relationship, agreed to meet, it was apparent that we were clearly two very different people.i had married and had kids, he had not.told me I was the love of his life and he never married because he was looking for me, sweet I thought, after spending a week with him I ended it because it didn't feel right.within 24 hours he became a stalker, long story short I lost a home I loved and ended up in a refuge with my 4 kids, and to this day have to still look over my shoulder because he threatned to kill me and my daughter.hard lesson but never go back even for a conversation.

Icelollycraving · 12/01/2013 15:59

An ex of mine from about 15 years ago recently got in touch via Fb. We chatted on Fb for a few weeks,we are both married now.
His wife deleted me from his friends list,then got suggested as a friend several times after we added each other again.
Frankly,it was getting to the stage where I was looking out for the messages from him & I woke up to myself,sent him happy new year message & deleted him. He sent a few messages asking why. It could have snowballed quite easily,
Ignore & block.

pombal · 12/01/2013 14:42

I think life is short and give people the benefit of a doubt.
I would be upset if I apologised for something and the other person ignored or rebuffed me.
Obviously it's 20 years later and you owe him nothing, but I would send a polite, 2 lines max reply in the first instance.
If he kept contacting after that, well then maybe it's block and ignore time.

Mimishimi · 12/01/2013 14:21

I would ignore it as well or just send a brief message. At best, it's part of some therapy and at worst he's trying to worm his way back into your life.

FuckityFuckFuck · 12/01/2013 14:19

My ex did this a little while ago. He split up with his girlfriend and messaged me asking if it was really hard living with him when he was depressed. I replied it wasn't the depression that made him hard to live with, but the fact he cheated on me 3 times (that I knew of), wished him luck and then ignored his other messages

ArkadyRose · 12/01/2013 14:13

I've had this with an ex; I just ignored & blocked him. I don't particularly care if he was doing it as therapy - I don't owe him forgiveness. I owe him nothing. So nothing was precisely what he got.

TapirBackRider · 12/01/2013 14:10

Ignore - as you said, he's going through a divorce and obviously wants someone to massage his ego/that he can use as a mental wanksock.

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Longdistance · 12/01/2013 14:04

I always end communication with exs as 'good luck with everything you do'.

MsVestibule · 12/01/2013 13:59

Oh dear . I recently emailed an ex from over 10 years ago (I'm now happily married, BTW). It was a normal, chatty email, but at the end, I apologised for the way I'd ended our relationship. He replied after a few days saying "no problem, I don't hold grudges" etc.

As soon as I'd sent it, I knew I shouldn't have and have no good explanation for why I did it. Pug if I were you, I'd just ignore it and don't give it another thought.

Pseudo341 · 12/01/2013 13:51

"He was a twat and obviously still is"

That's the important bit. Definitely ignore. A genuine apology from a nice person is a different matter but it sounds like he's just trying to worm his way back into your life since he's clearly fucked up his current relationship. I had similar things with my twatish ex, I never even so much as acknowledged the contact despite a couple of seperate attempts over the years, he seems to have given up now.

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