AIBU re DS's friend's mum?

[neuroticmumof3]

Sat watching fireworks at midnight when DS2 (18) called me. His friend has got 'more wasted than he's ever seen anyone' and can I go and pick them up? Friend doesn't have mobile with him so can't contact parents. Friend can't walk, has been sick and got kicked out of party for being so drunk. Luckily I don't drink so was able to go and pick them up. Got him back to his house, took ten minutes to get out of him which house was his! Lights on but no answer. Took another ten minutes to find out he had back door key (I'd been trying it in front door for ages like an idiot housebreaker!). DS2 and I more or less carried him round the back (through alleys). Got him upstairs to his room when his mother appeared. I explained what had happened and said I hadn't thought she was in as hadn't answered door. She just shrugged and looked annoyed because we had walked muck all over her cream hall carpet. We weren't really in a position to stop and take off our boots as we were trying to manhandle her 5'10" ds up the stairs!!

She did not say thank you at any point!

I don't expect a sainthood or anything but a simple thank you would have been nice. The whole event took about 45 minutes from start to finish. He was covered in vomit. It was not the most pleasant way to start 2013!

So AIBU to be a bit narked with her?

[mrsjay]

, but I am not sure why you are expecting a thankyou and apology from the mum rather than the adult son?

cos he was pissed and out of it he probably didnt know his own name far less mutter an apology , somebody brings home my drunken child I would apologies and thank the bringer homer, the boy could have choked or anything if the Ops sensible son hadn't contacted his mum, many teenagers will leave drunk friends, anyway OP have any of them contacted you today

[girlsyearapart]

Yes so would I expect a thanks neurotic
Even though you weren't drinking it was still your nye that got interrupted!

Suprised you didn't get a call or text from either the mum or the son at some point yesterday actually

[neuroticmumof3]

I don't expect an apology from anyone oldpeculiar. Friend is 17 (nearly 18). I know that if someone picked my drunken son up and got him home safely I would say thank you.

[oldpeculiar]

It was very kind and responsible of you and your son , but I am not sure why you are expecting a thankyou and apology from the mum rather than the adult son?

[mrsjay]

I am sure the girl will be very impressed with your son

[hermioneweasley]

Well done to you and your DS - he sounds brilliant. Hope he finds his lady friend again!

[neuroticmumof3]

Thanks for all the lovely feedback everyone, I am very proud of ds for being so wise. Apparently he was getting on very well with a young lady when he got dragged away. I'm hope he'll get brownie points with her for being such a gentleman and won't have ruined his chances!

I always wanted to be the type of parent my dc would turn to in an emergency and I also wanted to teach them to intervene on behalf of others if necessary. James Bulger was murdered when I was pregnant with DS1 and like most people I was horrified by the whole thing. So many adults had walked past a distressed child and done nothing. The thought of having to live with myself if I'd been one of those people made me reevaluate my responsibility towards others, especially children. Sorry if that sounds a bit precious but it really affected me.

Friend didn't have his mobile with him - it's new and smart so prob didn't want to lose it - so they couldn't contact his mum. In his drunken state friend had also told me his dm was out for the night! I'm not annoyed today. Just glad we did the right thing. And it does make a good story about how we started 2013!

[mrsjay]

most kids wont know their friends parents home number it is all mobiles these days isn't it ,

[mrsjay]

no yanbu well done for getting the lad home safe and sound and your son is a credit to you , (and his friend) the mother was rude id be raging at my child and grateful if you had brought them home,

[myfirstkitchen]

Well done. It's awful some people leave others in such a state.

As others pointed out it might not just be drink.

I know someone who died as they were left to moan and vomit by themselves in a room whilst others went off to party. Turned out they had a blood clot on their brain that had burst.

[pigletmania]

You are fantastic op, mum was very rude. Even if I was woken up I could still muster some manners to someone who has don what I shoud have done an helped

[diddl]

Well I was thinking that the son would/might know the number.

But I guess few people know numbers anymore!

And I forgot to say well done your son also.

It´s possible she was too embarrassed/tired to say anything-especially if it´s the first time he´s done it & they were asleep, thinking that he would be getting himself home safely.

[MrsHoarder]

There's a third suggestion as to why they didn't ring drunk friend's parents: he was too drunk to remember his number. Glad you were there op.

[babooshkadoll]

Well done to your son for not leaving his pal.
Well done to you for taking charge.

[TheHumancatapult]

Shows what a good job you have done bringing him up

[TheHumancatapult]

Op your son shown that he is mature enough to accept that sometimes he needs help ANC knows can turn to his mum

[TheNebulousBoojum]

Well done to both of you, OP.

'Although I don´t get why your son didn´t phone his friend´s parents.'

Two suggestions: One that he knew she wouldn't care or do anything.

Two: When either of my two mature adult children have a problem they can't fix, I'm the first number they dial.

The boy is very lucky to have friends like your son, and he is fortunate to have a mother who still cares enough to help, even though they are now adults.

[ThreeWheelsGood]

well done OP - you did the right thing and it's great that your son is confident enough to call you in that situation knowing you'll help not judge.

my only thought about his friend's mum is maybe she thought you were some how complicit in his drunkenness? perhaps she thought party had been at your house? so she might have seemed off for that reason (but held her tongue having just woken up!)., let's hope he or she calls you today to say thanks.

[yousmell]

What a lovely kind person you are! I really hope my kids run into you if they ever get into trouble. Also your son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

[diddl]

That was great of you.

Although I don´t get why your son didn´t phone his friend´s parents.

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

I plan on being just the kind of mum you are op, when my kids are teens. Good on you. I hope the boy is ok today and his mum feels ashamed of her behaviour (and her son's!)

[RandomMess]

Also you never know when a "drunk" is actually ill with something else altogether - diabetic coma and such like.

[girlsyearapart]

Yanbu to be annoyed - really irritates me when people seem to have a total lack of manners.

You never know you might get a thank you today..

I called an ambulance for a friend when we were 16/17 at a house party. No one else wanted to call as the parents of the party giver were away & didn't know about it & they didn't want to get her into trouble.

Did it anyway & according to the paramedics (who couldn't believe she had got into that state on alcohol alone which she had) I saved her life.

[misterwife]

YANBU to be annoyed about the whole thing - but I think there are mitigating circumstances as it's likely that the friend's mum had only just woken up and hadn't fully processed the situation. Hopefully you will get a thank you soon.