Woman in her 40s ish just gave up her seat on the bus to woman who looked 60ish. WIBU to CRINGE!

[Latinamommy]

The older, very able-bodied woman accepted the seat, but if I was her I'd be wondering if I looked ancient right now...

Either the younger lady is just very nice...or it was an evil, passive aggressive move

[Meandmycats]

My mum sometimes goes into London with a group of friends on the tube. She is 68 and I think the others are all similar. Often if there are no free seats someone will offer theirs to one of the women, and my mum says that usually shames encourages others to give up theirs. One day the first woman to be offered a seat took great offence saying 'how old do you think I am?!' etc. My mum told her the polite thing to do would have been to accept the seat, as that person will probably never offer theirs again.

[SantasStrapOn]

Thanks dont.

[dontquotem3]

Sorry to hear of about experience Santa. I would have given you my seat, no eye contact necessary

[foreverondiet]

YABVVU

She was being polite. I have been offered a seat (occasionally its true) on tube by men, (I don't look pregnant). I would do to, esp if getting off soon. Some people don't mind standing.

[SantasStrapOn]

I would always offer my seat to someone who was older than me, or pregnant, or less physically able than me in any way. Always. And I expect my DDs to do the same.

I have never forgotten the misery of commuting whilst pregnant and hideously sick. Not one single person thought to offer me a seat, even after they heard me throwing up in the loos on the train. These were people I travelled with every bloody day for years, and I was visibly sick and pregnant. :(

[nokidshere]

I would offer a seat to any adult who was standing to be honest - I still think I am 22 hahaha

[GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob]

I have and will always offer my seat to those older than myself or those who just appear to need the seat more (bags of shopping etc).

It's not a sodding comment on the other persons phsyical ability, it's just how I was bought up.

[nailak]

my mum is in her fifties, looks younger, but she has lots of health issues wich aren't obvious, and she has to run around after 5 year olds all day!

So if I see a woman a similar age and I am able to give up my seat I will.
If I have my 2 year old sitting on my lap and the buggy is folded I wouldn't, as I have shoulder problems, and carrying him while holding on to keep balance would probably cause my shoulder to dislocate.

[Hulababy]

I offer my seat to anyone who appears a bit older or struggling for whateveer reason, to parents with babies/toddlers, etc.

But then I like it if I am offered a seat too. I have arthritis and it affects one of my knees and can make standing harder at times. I don't look particularly old and probably don't look like I am struggling most of the time - but I accept if offered.

[dontquotem3]

Ophelia Yes, there are still some people who can be, and are, nice for the sake of it

Just today I offered my seat to a lady on the Victoria line. I guessed her to be in her late 50s. She looked a little worried/weary/vulnerable (oh I don't know, there was just something about the way she looked) as she saw that there weren't any seats left, so I offered her mine.

She thanked me profusely and we conversed for the next two stops. In that time I learnt that her name was Charlotte and that she was visiting from Memphis Tennessee. And some other stuff.
I continued on my journey. This was around half ten this morning.

On my return journey (four hours later), as I was getting off the tube at Victoria, a lady caught my eye. I thought "I'm sure that's the lady I saw this morning". So I called out her name, and sure enough it was the same lady! We chatted some more, then I smiled the rest of the way home. Hope she did too.

[lamename]

People offer me seats on the bus - the tube, even - the whole time. I am 44. But I do look really, really wobbly - hideous balance, see.

[grimbletart]

I am 69 and, thank goodness, have never been offered a seat - I would be off to the quack's (or the hairdresser's) sharpish if that happened. I am probably fitter than half the 40 year old couch potatoes I see around these days.

However, if I were offered a seat, I would probably smile sweetly, say thank you (through gritted teeth) and sit down - all because I was brought up to be polite and not make others feel uncomfortable, even if inwardly seething.

I can't wait for all you 40 somethings to reach your 60s and discover that are not in fact some doddery old bird in God's waiting room, but still have your feet and your marbles.

Remember how, when you were 10, 30 year olds had one foot in the grave?
Then you learned that 30 was not so bad when you got there. Well, apply that philosophy to 60 year olds now you are 40.

Just saying....

[Latinamommy]

That's my point AThing, so would I, but she didn't look like she needed it.

[Latinamommy]

Flogging, i'm not too sure what you mean by graceless, or what you thought I meant by cringe...?

[AThingInYourLife]

"Depends on whether you interpret "You are older than me" as a mark of respect/consideration, or an insult."

Well said.

I hate standing up. I really hate it, but I would give up my seat to someone who looked like they needed it - if they looked tired or peaky or had a lot of shopping.

I most needed seats in early pregnancy, but nobody knew :( :o

[Latinamommy]

No no I don't think you're MEANT to be offended at all, and if in our culture it was the done thing to be super respectful to anyone who is older than us I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

I just know my 60 yr old mum would have been mortified so I guess i'm projecting her feelings onto the older woman.

I also think if the younger woman had said something like, "hi, i'm not going far, would you like my seat", I wouldn't have thought twice, but she didn't say anything or smile, just automatically stood up. I'm sure she was just being nice :)

[Floggingmolly]

Cringe, really? . How totally graceless you sound.

[CremeEggThief]

What, so now you're meant to be offended, if someone politely offers you a seat?

[Conflugenglugen]

When it's one of those situations where it's a grey area - i.e. the person might take offence at being offered a seat - I will say to them, "Please let me know if you'd like my seat." That way, they have the choice, and they know the option is there, but it doesn't belittle them. I said this to a cerebral palsied man on the tube the other day, who told me he was fine standing.

[pumpkinsweetie]

It's called being polite yabu!

[MrsCantSayAnything]

I'm 40 and I certainly stand up when a woman of 60 plus arrives....at say, the bus stop or something.

Why wouldn't I?

[PeshwariNaan]

Damn, I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm lucky if I get a seat on the bus.

I've offered seats to people who looked pregnant before and might not have been, but surely they can decide if they need a seat or not? Better safe than sorry.

[OwedToAutumn]

She was being polite.

The older lady could've politely said "no" but chose to take the seat.

Happy outcome all round.

YABU